* * * * * Last updated: Tue 12/21/2010 8:32:27 AM * * * * *

"A book of quotations... can never be complete." -- Robert M. Hamilton

"My son, ask for thyself another kingdom, for that which I leave is too small for thee." -- King Phillip II of Macedonia, 339 BC

"There is nothing impossible to him who will try." -- Alexander the Great (356 BCE - 323 BCE)

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -- Galileo Galilei

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." -- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642), Italian astronomer and physicist

"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." -- Galileo Galilei

"The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the Universe to do." -- Galileo Galilei

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself." -- Galileo Galilei

"Doubt is the father of invention." -- Galileo Galilei Where the senses fail us, reason must step in." -- Galileo Galilei

"By denying scientific principals, one may maintain any paradox." -- Galileo Galilei

"It is surely harmful to souls to make it a heresy to believe what is proved." -- Galileo Galilei

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." -- Galileo Galilei

"I think that in the discussion of natural problems we ought to begin not with the Scriptures, but with experiments, and demonstrations." -- Galileo Galilei

"Facts which at first seem improbable will, even on scant explanation, drop the cloak which has hidden them and stand forth in naked and simple beauty." -- Galileo Galilei

"It vexes me when they would constrain science by the authority of the Scriptures, and yet do not consider themselves bound to answer reason and experiment." -- Galileo Galilei

"History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it." -- Lazarus Long (Robert A. Heinlein, "Time Enough for Love")

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom." -- Albert Einstein

"Shake off all the fears and servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear... Your own reason is the only oracle given you by heaven, and you are answerable not for the rightness, but the uprightness of the decision." -- Thomas Jefferson, 1823

"The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out." -- Proverbs 18:15

"Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good." -- Job 34:4

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if you piss them off, they are a mile away... and barefoot." -- Author unknown

"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind." -- Albert Einstein

"To become a popular religion, it is only necessary for a superstition to enslave a philosophy." -- Dean Inge

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." -- Unknown

"It is simply not possible to take the Genesis story literally, any more than it is possible to take the Flood story or any other part of the Bible as inerrant. The Bible is not a history book and not a science text--it is a spiritual book that deals with theological and spiritual matters. To attempt to force the Bible into literal inerrancy on historical and scientific matters is to distort it and cheapen it, and such attempts inevitably turn Christianity into a laughingstock. Just as we remember with contempt the Inquisition's attempts to stop the spread of Galileo's heretical notion that the earth moved around the sun, so will future historians view the Biblical literalists' attempts to stop the teaching of evolutionary "heresy". " -- Lenny Frank, herpatologist

"We do not teach alchemy alongside chemistry nor astrology alongside physics; neither should we teach creationism in the biology classroom." -- Dr. Chris Measures, University of Hawaii professor of oceanography.

"The Christ of Theology is not alive for us today. He is wrapped in the grave cloths of dogma." -- Dr. Albert Schweitzer

"If one conceives of religion and science according to these definitions then a conflict between them appears impossible. For science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgments of all kinds remain necessary. Religion, on the other hand, deals only with evaluations of human thought and action: it cannot justifiably speak of facts and relationships between facts. According to this interpretation the well-known conflicts between religion and science in the past must all be ascribed to a misapprehension of the situation which has been described. For example, a conflict arises when a religious community insists on the absolute truthfulness of all statements recorded in the Bible." -- Albert Einstein

"Ohio's students deserve a first-class education appropriate for the 21st century, not Sunday School lessons masquerading as science." -- Rev. Barry W. Lynn, executive director of Americans United commenting on creationist "science".

"Life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you wish, but you can only spend it once." -- Miquel De Cervantes

"I have examined all the known superstitions of the world, and I do not find in our particular superstition of Christianity one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites; to support roguery and error all over the earth." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Definition of The Deluge: A punishment inflicted on the human race by an all-knowing God, who, through not having foreseen the wickedness of men, repented of having made them, and drowned them once for all to make them better - an act which, as we all know, was accompanied by the greatest success." -- Voltaire, Dictionary of Theology

"Why did God fill the world with his own children, knowing that he would have to destroy them? And why does this same God tell me how to raise my children when he had to drown his?" -- Robert G. Ingersoll, Some Mistakes of Moses

"If God knows all things, then He knew He would drown the world in the Great Flood when He created Adam and Eve. If this God is the supreme designer, with supposedly supreme intelligence, why did He not re-create the first man and woman after Adam and Eve's transgression, and save the world from imperfection, pain and suffering? Or, why didn't He create Noah as the world's first man, if He knew He was going to kill everyone? The whole story reeks of inconsistency and irrationality." -- Ken Harding

"Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you should." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Going to war without the French is like going duck hunting without your accordian." -- General Norman Scwartzkopf

"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof." -- Ashley Montague

"Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous." -- Confucius

"Sacred scripture wishes simply to declare that the world was created by God, and in order to teach this truth it expressed itself in terms of the cosmology in use at the time of the writer. Any other teaching about the origin and makeup of the universe is so alien to the intentions of the Bible, which does not wish to teach how heaven was made but how one goes to heaven." -- Pope John Paul II

"Regardless of what it is called, scientific creationism is faith attempting to be science. It is a mistake to try to use the Bible as a textbook of science. The creation story is neither empirical science nor recorded history. It is a religious interpretation divinely inspired in a prescientific age. Those who take the Book of Genesis literally are at liberty to do so. They have a perfect right to hold those views, and to express them as persuasively as they can. But they do not have the right to require science teachers to do so in the public schools." -- The Reverend Bevel Jones, Bishop of the Methodist Church in Georgia

"The theory that the biosphere was created without evolution, a few thousand years ago, is ruled out by overwhelming scientific evidence. To claim that there are 'alternative (always better) Biblical explanations of the same data', which make creationism a reasonable alternative to our best theories of biology and physics, is appalling intellectual dishonesty." -- Professor David Deutsch, Oxford University

"Myth and fairy tale are the stuff of creationism. To dress it up as science is an insult to centuries of human rationalism and to the mountain of evidence that unequivocally places mankind and all other organisms on this planet within a single evolutionary continuum of life. To deny children this marvelous world view is a perversion, particularly from teachers whose role must be to broaden young minds, not fill them with nonsense." -- Professor Sir Alec Jeffreys, FRS, inventor of DNA Fingerprinting

"Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing." -- H L Menken

"If the Bible and the microscope do not agee, the microscope is wrong." -- William Jennings Bryan

"It is absolutely safe to say that if you meet somebody who claims not to believe in evolution, that person is ignorant, stupid or insane (or wicked, but I'd rather not consider that)." -- Richard Dawkins, Biologist

"Evolution is based on evidence from the earth itself, including evidence that is a heck of a lot less ambiguous than anything in a human language. Christianity, as I understand it, says God had something to do with the creation of the earth, and therefore He is responsible for that evidence. If evolution is false, then God cannot be trusted. And if you can't trust God, then what good is the Bible?" -- Mark Isaak, TalkOrigins.org author

"People fashion their God after their own understanding. They make their God first and worship him afterwards." -- Oscar Wilde

"Life is but a momentary glimpse of the wonder of this astonishing universe, and it is sad to see so many dreaming it away on spiritual fantasy." -- Carl Sagan

"Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books." -- Francis Bacon

"My deeply held belief is that if a god of anything like the traditional sort exists, our curiosity and intelligence are provided by such a god. We would be unappreciative of those gifts (as well as unable to take such a course of action) if we suppressed our passion to explore the universe and ourselves. On the other hand, if such a traditional god does not exist, our curiosity and our intelligence are the essential tools for managing our survival. In either case, the enterprise of knowledge is consistent with both science and religion, and is essential for the welfare of the human species." -- Carl Sagan

"We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes." -- Gene Roddenberry

"The most ridiculous concept ever perpetrated by Homo Sapiens is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of his creations, that he can be persuaded by their prayers, and becomes petulant if he does not receive this flattery. Yet this ridiculous notion, without one real shred of evidence to bolster it, has gone on to found one of the oldest, largest and least productive industries in history." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." -- George W. Bush

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe.. I believe what I believe is right." -- George W. Bush - 7/22/01

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" -- George W. Bush

"People like to compare George W. Bush to Adolf Hitler because of his war-mongering. I really don't think that's fair. Hitler was chosen by his people in a democratic election." -- Author unknown

"The whole history of these books (the Gospels) is so defective and doubtful that it seems vain to attempt minute enquiry into it: and such tricks have been played with their text, and with the texts of other books relating to them, that we have a right, from that cause, to entertain much doubt what parts of them are genuine. In the New Testament there is internal evidence that parts of it have proceeded from an extraordinary man; and that other parts are of the fabric of very inferior minds. It is as easy to separate those parts, as to pick out diamonds from dunghills." -- Thomas Jefferson, letter to John Adams, January 24, 1814

"Hands that help are better by far than lips that pray." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"To argue with a man who has renounced his reason is like giving medicine to the dead." -- Thomas Paine

"Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night." -- Isaac Asimov

"The gods can either take away evil from the world and will not, or, being willing to do so, cannot; or they neither can nor will, or lastly, they are both able and willing. If they have the will to remove evil and cannot, then they are not omnipotent. If they can, but will not, than they are not benevolent. If they are neither able nor willing, then they are neither omnipotent nor benevolent. Lastly, if they are both able and willing to annihilate evil, how does it exist?" -- Epicures, 300 B.C.

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" -- Epicurus

"We may define "faith" as the firm belief in something for which there is no evidence. Where there is evidence, no one speaks of "faith." We do not speak of faith that two and two are four or that the earth is round. We only speak of faith when we wish to substitute emotion for evidence. The substitution of emotion for evidence is apt to lead to strife, since different groups substitute different emotions." -- Bertrand Russell

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence." -- Carl Sagan

"The doctrine that the earth is neither the center of the universe nor immovable, but moves even with a daily rotation, is absurd, and both philosophically and theologically false, and at the least an error of faith." -- Catholic Church's decision against Galileo

"People gave ear to an upstart astrologer who strove to show that the earth revolves, not the heavens or the firmament, the sun and the moon....This fool wishes to reverse the entire science of astronomy; but sacred scripture tells us (Joshua 10:13) that Joshua commanded the sun to stand still, and not the earth." -- Martin Luther, founder of the Protestant faith, commenting on Copernicus, from "Table Talks", 1539 C.E.

"History shows us that when religion and science have a scuffle, religion either is reinterpreted, backs down, or is destroyed." -- Vascavus

"Pray, n:. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." -- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." -- Joseph Conrad

"If religion cannot restrain evil, it cannot claim effective power for good." -- Morris Cohen

"It is usually when men are at their most religious that they behave with the least sense and the greatest cruelty." -- Ilka Chase

"If the Bible and my brain are both the work of the same Infinite God, whose fault is it that the book and my brain do not agree?" -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"The true fanatic is a theocrat, someone who sees himself as acting on behalf of some superpersonal force: the Race, the Party, History, the proletariat, the Poor, and so on. These absolve him from evil, hence he may safely do anything in their service." -- Lloyd Billingsley, "Religion's Rebel Son: Fanaticism in Our Time"

"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism." -- Albert Einstein

"The trouble with born again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around." -- Herb Caen

"All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit." -- Thomas Paine

"There is something feeble and a little contemptible about a man who cannot face the perils of life without the help of comfortable myths. Almost inevitably, some part of him is aware that they are myths, and that he believes them only because they are comforting. But he dares not face this thought! Moreover, since he is aware, however dimly, that his opinions are not rational, he becomes furious when they are disputed." -- Bertrand Russell

"Man is certainly stark mad: he cannot make a worm, yet he will make gods by the dozen." -- Michel de Montaigne

"The theory that you should always treat the religious convictions of other people with respect finds no support in the Gospels." -- Arnold Lunn

"Why has a religious turn of mind always a tendency to narrow and harden the heart?" -- Robert Burns

"The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad." -- Nietzsche

"If you talk to God, you're praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia." -- Thomas Szasz

"Fundamentalism isn't about religion. It's about power." -- Salman Rushdie

"Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless." -- B. F. Skinner

"Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something; in the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." -- Bertrand Russell

"The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone: the civilized man to idols of flesh and blood." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike." -- Delo McKown

"Faith is a euphemism for prejudice and religion is a euphemism for superstition." -- Paul Keller

"Everyone is entitled to his own opinion but not his own facts." -- Daniel Patrick Moynihan

"Your side of the argument is based on the testimony of one book. The book itself that is in question. You use that book to provide evidence for itself. So my question to you is: When you fill out a job application and you come to the part about personal reference, do you use yourself as that reference?" -- unbeliever/west coast guy

"My dad told me there's no such thing as the devil. It's only God when He's drunk. And if God drinks, do you think He gets stoned? Look at a platypus... I think so." -- Robin Williams

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." -- Voltaire

"Ask the sheep for their beliefs... Do you kill on God's command?" -- Dave Mustaine, Megadeth - from the song "Holy Wars"

"Among the sayings and discourses imputed to him [Jesus] by his biographers, I find many passages of fine imagination, correct morality, and of the most lovely benevolence; and others again of so much ignorance, so much absurdity, so much untruth, charlatanism, and imposture, as to pronounce it impossible that such contradictions should have proceeded from the same being." -- Thomas Jefferson, letter to William Short, April 13, 1820

"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortuous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the Bible is filled it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." -- Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there's little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides." -- Thomas Paine

"As priestcraft was always the enemy of knowledge, because priestcraft supports itself by keeping people in delusion and ignorance, it was consistent with its policy to make the acquisition of knowledge a real sin." -- Thomas Paine

"Now, which am I to believe, a book that any impostor might make and call the Word of God, or the creation itself which none but an Almighty Power could make? For the Bible says one thing; and the creation says the contrary. The Bible represents God with all the passions of a mortal, and the creation proclaims him with all the attributes of a God." -- Thomas Paine

"All our ideas of the justice and goodness of God revolt at the impious cruelty of the Bible. It is not a God, just and good, but a devil, under the name of God, that the Bible describes." -- Thomas Paine

"The case, however, is, that the Bible will not bear examination in any part of it, which it would do if it was the Word of God. Those who most believe it are those who know least about it, and priests always take care to keep the inconsistent and contradictory parts out of sight." -- Thomas Paine

"Of all the systems of religion that ever were invented, there is none more derogatory to the Almighty, more unedifying to man, more repugnant to reason, and more contradictory in itself than this thing called Christianity. Too absurd for belief, too impossible to convince, and too inconsistent for practice, it renders the heart torpid or produces only atheists or fanatics. As an engine of power, it serves the purposes of despotism, and as a means of wealth, the avarice of priests, but so far as respects the good of man in general it leads to nothing here or hereafter." -- Thomas Paine

"Send me money, send me green, and Heaven you will meet. Make your contribution and you'll get a better seat." -- James Hetfield, Metallica - from the song "Leper Messiah"

"But there are times when men have serious thoughts, and it is at such times, when they begin to think, that they begin to doubt the truth of the Christian religion; and well they may, for it is too fanciful and too full of conjecture, inconsistency, improbability and irrationality, to afford consolation to the thoughtful man. His reason revolts against his creed. He sees that none of its articles are proved, or can be proved." -- Thomas Paine

"Lincoln said, 'When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad.' And that's my religion." -- Christopher Reeve

"The world, not only America, would be a much better place if we could all learn to respect the basic humanity of those with different viewpoints." -- Marcia Roberts

"The idea that God is an oversized white male with a flowing beard who sits in the sky and tallies the fall of every sparrow is ludicrous. But if by God one means the set of physical laws that govern the universe, then clearly there is such a God. This God is emotionally unsatisfying... it does not make much sense to pray to the law of gravity." -- Carl Sagan

"The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church." -- Ferdinand Magellan

"The Bible is a mass of fables and tradition, mere mythology." -- Mark Twain

"If Christ were here now, there is one thing he would not be - a Christian." -- Mark Twain

"Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth, more than ruin, more even than death...Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man." -- Bertrand Russell

"Anyone who can worship a trinity and insist that his religion is a monotheism can believe anything." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?" -- 1 Corinthians 6:2

"A universe in which everything is known would be static and dull, as boring as the heaven of some weak-minded theologians". -- Carl Sagan

"Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." -- Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi

"Do, or do not; there is no try." -- Jedi Master Yoda

"Those who would trade a little freedom for a little security deserve neither." -- Benjamin Franklin

"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular." -- Adlai Stevenson, Democratic Party candidate for President (1900-1965)

"A false witness shall not be unpunished, and *he that* speaketh lies shall not escape." -- Proverbs 19:5

"Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams," declares the LORD . "They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least," declares the LORD." -- Jeremiah 23:32

"The human mind is like an umbrella - it functions best when open." -- Walter Gropius, German-American architect (1883-1969).

"The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest men of past centuries." -- Rene Descartes, philosopher and mathematician (1596-1650)

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." -- Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948)

"All great truths begin as blasphemies." -- George Bernard Shaw, writer, (1856-1950)

"We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form." -- William R. Inge, clergyman, scholar, and author (1860-1954)

"The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things." -- Plato, philosopher (427-347 BCE)

"Assassination: The extreme form of censorship." -- George Bernard Shaw, writer, Nobel laureate (1856-1950)

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in." -- Greek proverb

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." -- Carl Jung, psychiatrist (1875-1961)

"The believer is happy; the doubter is wise." -- Hungarian proverb

"There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts." -- Voltaire, philosopher (1694-1778)

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation." -- Henry Ward Beecher, preacher and writer (1813-1887)

"Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles." -- George Jean Nathan, author and editor (1882-1958)

"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -- Voltaire, philosopher (1694-1778)

"Never is liberty more easily lost than when we think we are defending it." -- Ben Chifley (Australian Prime Minister 1945-49)

"The real ideology that drives Mr. Bush remains less that of the hard right than that of his soft character, which is a product of a biography full of easy landings. A man who has never faced adversity - who has finessed Andover, Yale, Vietnam and brief careers in business and politics with well-placed connections and sweetheart deals - is not conversant with reality as most Americans have experienced it. The problem isn't that he's wealthy - so were F.D.R. and Ronald Reagan, whose hard knocks in life gave them an empathy for their fellow citizens - but that he's out of touch. He doesn't know how much he doesn't know and is in no rush to find out." -- Frank Rich, New York Times, July 7, 2001.

"If ignorance ever reaches $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to his head." -- a political opponent on President George Bush

"Just because he's paranoid doesn't mean there aren't people out to get him." -- Henry Kissinger on Richard Nixon

"Violence is as American as cherry pie." -- Stokely Carmichael

"History teaches us to beware of demagogues who wrap themselves in the flag in an attempt to appeal to the worst aspects of nationalism." -- Judge Alistair Nicholson on Pauline Hanson

"A Conservative government is an organised hypocrisy." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved -- the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!" -- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson

"As the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen [Muslims] ... it is declared ... that no pretext arising from religious opinion shall ever product an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.... The United States is not a Christian nation any more than it is a Jewish or a Mohammedan nation." -- Treaty of Tripoli (1797), the English version of which was carried unanimously by the Senate, signed into law by John Adams, and translated into Arabic (the original language is by Joel Barlow, U.S. Consul)

"The United States of America have exhibited, perhaps, the first example of governments erected on the simple principles of nature.... [In] the formation of the American governments ... it will never be pretended that any persons employed in that service had interviews with the gods, or were in any degree under the influence of heaven.... These governments were contrived merely by the use of reason and the senses." -- John Adams, A Defense of the Constitutions of Government of the United States of America, 1788, from James A. Haught, ed., 2000 Years of Disbelief

"Marx was wrong. Religion is not the opiate of the people. Opium suggests something soporific, numbing, dulling. Too often religion has been an aphrodisiac for horror, a Benzedrine for bestiality. At its best it has lifted spirits and raised spires. At its worst it has turned entire civilizations into cemeteries." -- Phillip Adams

"Writing is like making love. Don't worry about the orgasm, just concentrate on the process." -- Isabel Allende

"Theology is the science of the divine lie" -- Mikhail Bakunin

"The next time believers tell you that "separation of church and state" does not appear in our founding document, tell them to stop using the word "trinity." The word "trinity" appears nowhere in the bible. Neither does Rapture, or Second Coming, or Original Sin. If they are still unfazed (or unphrased) by this, then add Omniscience, Omnipresence, Supernatural, Transcendence, Afterlife, Deity, Divinity, Theology, Monotheism, Missionary, Immaculate Conception, Christmas, Christianity, Evangelical, Fundamentalist, Methodist, Catholic, Pope, Cardinal, Catechism, Purgatory, Penance, Transubstantiation, Excommunication, Dogma, Chastity, Unpardonable Sin, Infallibility, Inerrancy, Incarnation, Epiphany, Sermon, Eucharist, the Lord's Prayer, Good Friday, Doubting Thomas, Advent, Sunday School, Dead Sea, Golden Rule, Moral, Morality, Ethics, Patriotism, Education, Atheism, Apostasy, Conservative (Liberal is in), Capital Punishment, Monogamy, Abortion, Pornography, Homosexual, Lesbian, Fairness, Logic, Republic, Democracy, Capitalism, Funeral, Decalogue, or Bible." -- Dan Barker

"In matters of religion it is very easy to deceive a man, and very hard to undeceive him." -- Pierre Bayle, Dictionary (1697), quoted from Jonathon Green, The Cassell Dictionary of Cynical Quotations

"You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence." -- Charles Austin Beard

"I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." -- Francis Bellamy, the original Pledge of Allegiance, as it appeared in the issue of The Youth's Companion (September 8, 1892)

"If God cannot be taken literally when He writes of the rising sun (S-U-N), then how can one insist that he be taken literally when writing of the rising of the Son (S-O-N)!" -- Professor Gerardus Bouw

"A heretic, my dear sir, is a fellow who disagrees with you regarding something neither of you knows anything about." -- William Cowper Brann

"Leaving lepidoptra - please, don't touch the display, little boy, aha cute! Moving to the next aisle we have arachnida, the spiders, our finest collection. This friendly little devil is the heptothilidi, unfortunately harmless. Next to him, the nasty licosa raptoria, his tiny fangs cause creeping ulcerations of the skin. And here, my prize, the Black Widow. Isn't she lovely?.. and so deadly. Her kiss is fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake. You see her venom is highly neurotoxic, which is to say that it attacks the central nervous system causing intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions and, finally.. death. You know what I think I love the most about her is her inborn need to dominate, possess. In fact, immediately after the consummation of her marriage to the smaller and weaker male of the species she kills and eats him - oh, she is delicious... and I hope he was! Such power and dignity - unhampered by sentiment. If I may put forward a slice of personal philosophy, I feel that man has ruled this world as a stumbling demented child-king long enough! And as his empire crumbles, my precious Black Widow shall rise as his most fitting successor!" -- Alice Cooper from "Welcome to My Nightmare", narrated by Vincent Price.

"It has often and confidently been asserted, that man's origin can never be known; but ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science." -- Charles Darwin

"Reality is merely an illusion, albiet a very persistent one." -- Albert Einstein

"I make peace and create evil." -- Christian god (Isaiah 45:7)

"The bible is forced upon us at every turn-- we take oaths on it, U.S. presidents are sworn in on it, it is impossible to get a hotel room without one, and there are unrelenting efforts to get bibles re-introduced into public schools. There is an assumption in this country that the bible is "the Good Book", and that it is true. I shall show that neither of these statements is correct." -- Ken Harding

"As far as the New Testament, no first century historian confirms the existence of Jesus. That's right. None of the contemporary Jewish or Roman historians, living during the time in which Jesus is said to have lived, wrote one word about him." -- Ken Harding

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." -- Aldous Huxley

"Christianity...(has become) the most perverted system that ever shone on man. ...Rogueries, absurdities and untruths were perpetrated upon the teachings of Jesus by a large band of dupes and imposters led by Paul, the first great corrupter of the teachings of Jesus." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The clergy converted the simple teachings of Jesus into an engine for enslaving mankind and adulterated by artificial constructions into a contrivance to filch wealth and power to themselves...these clergy, in fact, constitute the real Anti-Christ." -- Thomas Jefferson

"We really have dinosaurs today, without any question. You just need the right weather conditions, as I see it, to get huge creatures. And in the ocean, of course, we have huge creatures....this is where the plesiosauruses seem to be today, and perhaps also this fire breathing dragon is still down there -- very rare, but occasionally there." -- Rev. Walter Lang - Founder, Bible-Science Association

"What influence in fact have Christian ecclesiastical establishments had on civil society? In many instances they have been upholding the thrones of political tyranny. In no instance have they been seen as the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wished to subvert the public liberty have found in the clergy convenient auxiliaries. A just government, instituted to secure and perpetuate liberty, does not need the clergy." -- James Madison

"...the main reason for insisting on the universal Flood as a fact of history and as the primary vehicle for geological interpretation is that God's Word plainly teaches it! No geologic difficulties, real or imagined, can be allowed to take precedence over the clear statements and necessary inferences of Scripture." -- Henry Morris, Biblical Cosmology and Modern Science

"A second possible thing that creationists might look for is some kind of an instrument that will detect darkness. It is my conclusion, based on scripture, that darkness is a positive thing." -- Richard Niessen Professor, Christian Heritage College

"The persecutor of God. --- Paul thought up the idea and Calvin rethought it, that for innumerable people damnation has been decreed from eternity, and that this beautiful world plan was instituted to reveal the glory of God: heaven and hell and humanity are thus supposed to exist - to satisfy the vanity of God! What cruel and insatiable vanity must have flared in the soul of the man who thought this up first, or second. Paul has remained Saul after all - the persecutor of God." -- Nietzsche

"The Destiny of Christianity -- Christianity came into existence in order to lighten the heart; but now it has first to burden the heart so as afterwards to be able to lighten it. Consequently it shall perish." -- Nietzsche

"In recent years, the Disney corporation has given the appearance that the promotion of homosexuality is more traditional than its historic commitment to traditional family values." -- Southern Baptist resolution

"What man of sense will agree with the statement that the first, second and third days, in which the evening and morning were named, were without sun, moon and stars? What man is found such an idiot as to suppose that God planted trees in Paradise, in Eden, Like a Husbandman?" -- Origen (an early Christian, ca: 230AD) Mysteries of Adoni, p. 167

"Besides a few who avoid evil, what is almost the whole body of Christians but a sink of iniquity? How many in the Church will you find that are not drunkards or adulterers or fornicators or gamblers or robbers or murderers-or all together?" -- Salvianus, Christian priest under Pope Leo I, 5th Century CE

"Doubt as sin.-- Christianity has done its utmost to close the circle and declared even doubt to be sin. One is supposed to be cast into belief without reason, by a miracle, and from then on to swim in it as in the brightest and least ambiguous of elements: even a glance towards land, even the thought that one perhaps exists for something else as well as swimming, even the slightest impulse of our amphibious nature- is sin! And notice that all this means that the foundation of belief and all reflection on its origin is likewise excluded as sinful. What is wanted are blindness and intoxication and an eternal song over the waves in which reason has drowned." -- Nietzsche

"Among the most detestable villains in history, you could not find one worse than Moses. Here is an order, attributed to 'God' to butcher the boys, to massacre the mothers and to debauch and rape the daughters. I would not dare so dishonor my Creator's name by (attaching) it to this filthy book (the Bible)." -- Thomas Paine

"There is no doubt in my mind that we will destroy the Iraqi armed forces, take down the regime, and occupy Iraq within 21 days (after hostilities commence)." -- General Barry McCaffrey (ret.)

"Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein the nations which ye shall possess served their gods, upon the high mountains, and upon the hills, and under every green tree: And ye shall overthrow their altars, and break their pillars, and burn their groves with fire; and ye shall hew down the graven images of their gods, and destroy the names of them out of that place." -- Deuteronomy 12:2-3

"And you know, everyone thinks we're just going to make him (George W. Bush) look like an idiot, make him look like a boob, but he's going to do that fine on his own." -- Trey Parker, creator of the sitcom "That's My Bush!", a comedy about George W. Bush

"Certainly one cannot ban cross burning in the sanctity of his bedroom." -- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

"Any time you burn a cross in Virginia, it's a crime?" -- Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy

"Suppose you had a cross burning in a play or a movie... Would that be intimidating?" -- Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor

"The doctrine of the divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity." -- John Adams

"Love is not the dying moan of a violin -- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring." -- S. J. Perelman

"Where do we find a precept in the Bible for Creeds, Confessions, Doctrines and Oaths, and whole carloads of other trumpery that we find religion encumbered with in these days?" -- John Adams

"You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say we are the ones that need help?" -- Mark Twain

"Accustom a people to believe that priests and clergy can forgive sins...and you will have sins in abundance." -- Thomas Paine

"Society in every state is a blessing, but Government, even in its best state, is a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one." -- Thomas Paine

"If you Christians acted more like your Christ, the world would be a better place." -- Mahatma Ghandi

"I considered becoming a Christian... until I met one." -- Mahatma Ghandi

"There is nothing which can better deserve our patronage than the promotion of science and literature. Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness." -- George Washington

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" -- Dave Barry

"It is an act of virtue to deceive and lie, when by such means the interest of the church might be promoted." -- Bishop Ecsebius (260 - 339 CE)

"How well we know what a profitable superstition this fable of Christ has been for us." -- Pope Leo X (1513 - 1521 CE)

"I contend that we are both atheists, I just believe in one less god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all other possible gods, then you will know why I dismiss yours." -- Stephen F. Roberts

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Mark Twain

"The Christian church has set up a religion of pomp and revenue in pretended imitation of a person (Jesus) who lived a life of poverty." -- Thomas Paine

"The Allwise Creator hath been dishonored by being made the author of fable and the human mind degraded by believing it." -- Thomas Paine

"It is the duty of every true Deist to vindicate the moral justice of God against the evils of the Bible." -- Thomas Paine

"When thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men...But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret." -- Matthew 6:5-6

"Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad." -- Thomas Paine

"The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection." -- Thomas Paine

"The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion." -- Thomas Paine

"When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary." -- Thomas Paine

"A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be. Moderation in temper is always a virtue, but moderation in principle is always a vice." -- Thomas Paine, "The Rights of Man", 1792

"A happy life consists in tranquillity of mind." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"A life of peace, purity, and refinement leads to a calm and untroubled old age." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"A mind without instruction can no more bear fruit than can a field, however fertile, without cultivation." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Advice is judged by results, not by intentions." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"All action is of the mind and the mirror of the mind is the face, its index the eyes." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Art is born of the observation and investigation of nature." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"As the old proverb says 'Like readily consorts with like'." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Be sure that it is not you that is mortal, but only your body. For that man whom your outward form reveals is not yourself; the spirit is the true self, not that physical figure which and be pointed out by your finger." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"Everyone has the obligation to ponder well his own specific traits of character. He must also regulate them adequately and not wonder whether someone else's traits might suit him better. The more definitely his own a man's character is, the better it fits him." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"He only employs his passion who can make no use of his reason." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"He removes the greatest ornament of friendship, who takes away from it respect." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"I will go further, and assert that nature without culture can often do more to deserve praise than culture without nature." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"In men of the highest character and noblest genius there is to be found an insatiable desire for honour, command, power, and glory." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"In so far as the mind is stronger than the body, so are the ills contracted by the mind more severe than those contracted by the body." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"It is a great thing to know our vices." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"It is a true saying that 'One falsehood leads easily to another'." -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain

"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion." -- Ambrose Bierce

"All things may corrupt when minds are prone to evil." -- Ovid

"Knowledge is power. (Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est)" -- Sir Francis Bacon

"Read not to contradict and confute, not to believe and take for granted, not to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider." -- Sir Francis Bacon

"Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested: that is, some books are to be read only in parts, others to be read, but not curiously, and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention." -- Sir Francis Bacon

"Throw me a frickin' bone here... I'm the boss.... need the info..." -- Dr. Evil

"Do I smoke after sex? I don't know, baby... I never looked!" -- Austin Powers, International Man Of Mystery

"Muhaaahaaaaahaaaa!" -- Dr. Evil

"Is there a God? I believe there's some force. If you want to call it God... I don't believe God is a single parent who writes books. I think that the people who think God wrote a book called The Bible are just childish. Religion is so childish. What they're fighting about in the Middle East, it's so childish. These myths, these silly little stories that they believe in fundamentally, that they take over this little space in Jerusalem where one guy flew up to heaven - no, no, this guy performed a sacrifice here a thousand million years ago. It's like, "Who cares? What does that have to do with spirituality, where you're really trying to get, as a human being and as a soul moving in the universe?" But I do believe in a God, yes." -- Bill Maher

"Is there a God? Yeah, but there's not just one God. There's a whole lot of gods, because one God couldn't have possibly made so many mistakes all by Himself. This had to be done by committee." -- John Leguizamo

"Is there a God? There is, but we don't know where. Or who. And, indeed, why." -- William Shatner

"Is there a God? No. God is a verb, not a noun." -- Micky Dolenz

"You're damn right we need a rational code of morality and ethics. But not much progress can be made in that direction while we've still got a majority ranting about gods, devils, souls, and absolute morality, and using an ancient book written by ignorant nomads as a guide." -- Doug Graham

"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.." -- I Thess. 5:21

"Deceit, Deceive, Decide just what you believe... I see faith in your eyes, Never you hear the discouraging lies. I hear faith in your cries... Broken is the promise, Betrayal... The healing hand held back by the deepened nail... Follow the god that failed." -- James Hetfield, Metallica, from the song "The God That Failed"

"It's good to be the king!" -- Mel Brooks, from "History of the World, part I"

"Take courage, Mortal... Death cannot banish you from the Universe." -- Benjamin Franklin

"I think the general acceptance that humans are "special" in God's eyes is nothing more than homo-sapien arrogance. We're pattern-seeking, story-telling, pack-animal instinctive, bipedal primates with big brains, who like to put words in God's mouth." -- Edward Strange

"Those things which make the infernal regions terrible, the darkness, the prison, the river of flaming fire, the judgment seat, are all a fable, with which the poets amuse themselves, and by them agitate us with vain terrors." -- Seneca

"It has been handed down in mythical form from earliest times to posterity, that there are gods, and that the divine (Deity) compasses all nature. All beside this has been added, after the mythical style, for the purpose of persuading the multitude, and for the interests of the laws, and the advantage of the state." -- Aristotle

"They misunderestimated me." -- George W. Bush, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"That's a chapter, the last chapter of the 20th, 20th, the 21st century that most of us would rather forget. The last chapter of the 20th century. This is the first chapter of the 21st century." -- George W. Bush, On the Lewinsky scandal, Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." -- George W. Bush, LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

"There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.'" -- George W. Bush, Boston, Massachusetts, October 3, 2000

"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question." -- George W. Bush, Reynoldsburg, Ohio, October 4, 2000

"You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -- George W. Bush, February 21, 2001 at Townsend Elementary School, touting his education reform plans

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." -- Marcus Aurelius

"Think about it: we went into slavery pagans; we came out Christians. We went into slavery pieces of property; we came out American citizens... Notwithstanding the cruelty and moral wrong of slavery, we are in a stronger and more hopeful condition, materially, intellectually, morally, and religiously, than is true of an equal number of black people in any other portion of the globe." -- Booker T. Washington

"Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised)." -- Hebrews 10:23

"Religion is (a) a pre-scientific system of explanation and technology; (b) a source of meaning, direction and emotional expression in life; (c) a means of social control; (d) a means of coping with uncertainty and death." -- Max More Ph.D.

"Thus disbelief crept over me at a very slow rate, but at last was complete. The rate was so slow that I felt no distress, and have never since doubted even for a single second that my conclusion was correct." -- Charles Darwin

"Atheism isn't a religion, because atheism does not require faith. It takes no faith at all to not believe in a god. It just takes a lack of evidence." -- Edward Strange

"I hereby state my opinion that the notion of a god is a basic superstition and that there is no evidence for the existence of any god(s). Further, devils, demons, angels and saints are myths; there is no life after death, no heaven or hell; the Pope is a dangerous, bigoted, medieval dinosaur, and the Holy Ghost is a comic-book character worthy of laughter and derision. I accuse the Christian god of murder by allowing the Holocaust to take place--not to mention the 'ethnic cleansing' presently being performed by Christians in our world -- and I condemn and vilify this mythical deity for encouraging racial prejudice and commanding the degradation of women." -- James Randi

"Most men would kill the truth if truth would kill their religion." -- Lemuel K. Washburn

"Do what I say or burn in hell, is not free will. It's coercion, not freedom." -- Duane Alan Hahn

"People do more from custom than from reason." -- Unknown

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." -- H. G. Wells

"Christianity makes you an "offer you can't refuse" by promising Heaven if you accept their propaganda and threatening spiritual torment if you don't." -- Duane Alan Hahn

"Most people don't like to think. This is why human religions are so popular. It almost doesn't matter what the belief system is, as long as it's firm, consistent, clear in its expectation of the follower, and rigid. Given those characteristics, you can find people who believe in almost anything. It's God's way, they say. God's word. And there are those who will accept that. Gladly. Because, you see, it eliminates the need to think." -- God "Conversations with God (Book 1)" through Neale Donald Walsch (adapted)

"The road to God is whatever road you're on." -- Duane Alan Hahn

"Truth does not demand belief. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, "yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down, down. down. Amen!" If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it." -- Dan Barker

"You don't want to know the Truth, you want to know the truth as you understand it. This is the greatest barrier to your enlightenment. You think you already know the truth! You think you already understand how it is. So you agree with everything you see or hear or read that falls into the paradigm of your understanding, and reject everything which does not." -- God "Conversations with God (Book 1)" through Neale Donald Walsch (adapted)

"This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religions in it." -- John Adams

"All religions have been made by men." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought." -- Graham Greene

"To judge from the notions expounded by theologians, one must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell." -- Marquis De Sade

"The difference between a saint and a hypocrite is that one lies for his religion, the other by it." -- Minna Antrim

"Sex is an emotion in motion." -- Mae West

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger." -- Nietzche

"Don't compromise yourself. Its all you've got." -- Janis Joplin

"It is never too late to be who you want to be." -- George Elliot

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't... you are right." -- Henry Ford

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." -- Henry David Thoreau

"If the truth were to be known, everyone would be wearing a scarlet letter of one form or another." -- Nathaniel Hawthorne (The Scarlet Letter)

"If people speak ill of you, live so that no one will believe them." -- Plato

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." -- Robert Frost

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

"Reason and Ignorance, the opposites of each other, influence the great bulk of mankind... Reason obeys itself, and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it." -- Thomas Paine

"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." -- Charles Dickens

"People CANNOT be labeled. Everyone borrows different pieces of various idealogies which is what makes us so unique." -- Lisa Johnson

"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -- Robert Frost

"Ah! How good it feels the hand of an old friend." -- Longfellow

"Wise people have an inward sense of what is beautiful, and the highest wisdom is to trust this intuition and be guided by it." -- Aristotle

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely...Broad, wholesome, charitable views cannot be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth." -- Mark Twain

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth." -- John F. Kennedy

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same." -- Anne Frank

"The reward of a thing well done is to have done it." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -- Mother Teresa

"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go." -- Tennessee Williams

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"It is not the length of life, but depth of life." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I've always had a feeling that any time you can experiment, you ought to do it. Because you never know what will happen." -- Walt Disney

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares." -- Gandhi

"When you're going through hell, keep going." -- Winston Churchill

"It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act." -- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

"To thine own self be true." -- William Shakespeare

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein

"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much of life. So aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something." -- Henry David Thoreau

"Dream as if you have forever. But live as if you only have today" -- James Dean

"I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances." -- Martha Washington

"Ultimately, the bond of companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation." -- Oscar Wilde

"Examine the religious principles which have, in fact, prevailed in the world, and you will scarcely be persuaded that they are anything but sick men's dreams." -- David Hume

"Be glad the obstacles are there; consider how difficult it would be to climb a smooth mountain." -- Author unknown

"War is a blessing for the world and for all nations. It is God who incites men to fight and to kill. The Koran says, "Fight until all corruption and all rebellion have ceased." The wars the Prophet led against the infidels were a blessing for all humanity. Imagine that we soon will win the war. That will not be enough, for corruption and resistance to Islam will still exist. The Koran says, "War, war until victory! . . ." The mullahs with corrupt hearts who say that all this is contrary to the teachings of the Koran are unworthy of Islam. Thanks to God, our young people are now, to the limits of their means, putting God's commandments into action. They know that to kill the unbelievers is one of man's greatest missions." -- Ayatollah Khomeini, Mohammed's birthday, 1984

"The Qur'an tells us: "not to make friendship with Jews and Christians" (5:51), "kill the disbelievers wherever we find them" (2:191), "murder them and treat them harshly" (9:123), "fight and slay the Pagans, seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem" (9:5). The Qur'an demands that we fight the unbelievers, and promises "If there are twenty amongst you, you will vanquish two hundred: if a hundred, you will vanquish a thousand of them" (8:65)." -- Institute for the Secularisation of Islamic Society

"The opinions and beliefs of men . . . follow involuntarily the evidence proposed to their minds." -- Thomas Jefferson

"When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do." -- George Carlin

"War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty...This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude..." -- George Carlin

"Today, the theory of evolution is an accepted fact for everyone but a fundamentalist minority, whose objections are based not on reasoning but on doctrinaire adherence to religious principles." -- James D. Watson

"He (George W. Bush) should depart. He should go away from the presidency and let the Americans lead an ordinary life with other nations, not a life of aggression, a policy of aggression against other nations. This policy has brought about disasters to the U.S. So for the U.S. to live properly with the world and for the world nations to live in peace, this crazy man should go." -- Iraqi Foreign Minister Naji Sabri

"Hey politician, I can't believe a word you say... All-mighty media, whose truth do you sell today? Watchdog of justice, who keeps their eye on you? Con-man, song in hand, who are you singing to?" -- Rik Emmitt, Triumph, from the song "Ordinary Man"

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." -- Voltaire

"The government has room to scale back individual rights during wartime without violating the Constitution. The Constitution just sets minimums. Most of the rights that you enjoy go way beyond what the Constitution requires." -- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France." -- Mark Twain

"The age of miracles is gone. It has died as science and human understanding has progressed. Nature is the miracle. Understand her and there is no need of all the other petty conjuring tricks that simple, primitive and uneducated people call miracles. It is illiterate, ignorant and superstitious people who recount the longest list of miraculous acts, who invent a god to bring order into an imperfect world then have him violating his own laws for trivial reasons." -- Dr. M D Magee

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck." -- George Carlin

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." -- George Carlin

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." -- George Carlin

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning." -- George Carlin

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that at some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.' " -- George Carlin

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood." -- George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" -- George Carlin

"When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?" -- George Carlin

"I won't lie to you and make you believe what's evil, is making love, and making friends, and meeting God your own way... the RIGHT way." -- Phillip Anselmo, Pantera, from the song "Hostile"

"Creationism must be abandoned by Christians before harm is done. The persistent attempt of the creationist movement to get their points of view established in educational institutions can only bring harm to the Christian cause. Can we seriously expect non-Christian educational leaders to develop a respect for Christianity if we insist on teaching the brand of science that creationism brings with it? Will not the forcing of modern creationism on the public simply lend credence to the idea already entertained by so many intellectual leaders that Christianity, at least in its modern form, is sheer anti-intellectual obscurantism? I fear that it will." -- Davis Young [Christianity and the Age of the Earth; Zondervan 1982. p. 163.]

"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Act as though it were impossible to fail." -- Author unknown

"The American Astronomical Society does not regard any scientific theory as capable of rigorous proof or immune to possible revision in the light of new evidence. Such evidence should be presented for critical review and confirmation in the appropriate scientific journals. In this case, no such evidence for recent creation of the earth and universe has survived critical scrutiny by the scientific community. It would therefore be most inappropriate to demand that any science teacher present it as a credible hypothesis. We agree with the findings of Judge William Overton that the Arkansas creationism law represents an unconstitutional intrusion of religious doctrine into the public schools, that "creation science" is not science, and that its advocates have followed the unscientific procedure of starting from a dogmatically held conclusion and looking only for evidence to support that conclusion. The American Astronomical Society deplores the attempt to force creationism into public schools and urges Congress, all state legislatures, local school boards and textbook publishers to resist such attempts." -- American Astronomical Society's position on creation "science"

"Scientific evidence indicates beyond any doubt that life has existed on Earth for billions of years. This life has evolved through time producing vast numbers of species of plants and animals, most of which are extinct. Although scientists debate the mechanism that produced this change, the evidence for the change is undeniable. Therefore, in the teaching of science we oppose any position that ignores this scientific reality, or that gives equal time to interpretations based on religious beliefs only." -- AMERICAN GEOLOGICAL INSTITUTE's position on creation "science"

"We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately." -- Benjamin Franklin, (attributed) at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

"Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds." -- Buddha

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -- Buddha

"What we think, we become." -- Buddha

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." -- Buddha

"To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent." -- Buddha

"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind." -- Buddha

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind." -- Buddha

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world." -- Buddha

"There are too many people, and too few human beings." -- Robert Zend

"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them." -- Alfred Adler

"The Bible scriptures, as most know, are very ancient and were intended for a child-like humanity. Unless one considers one's self a mental child, one should throw one's Bible in the trash and become a member of the adult human race." -- Striver, from The Open Discussion Forum on Bravenet

"Philosophy asks questions that can never be answered while Religion gives answers that must never be questioned." -- author unknown

"It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus, "mad cow" disease, and many others, but I think a case can be made that faith is one of the world's great evils, comparable to the smallpox virus but harder to eradicate." -- Richard Dawkins (The Humanist, Vol. 57, No. 1)

"I wish to propose for the reader's favourable consideration a doctrine which may, I fear, appear wildly paradoxical and subversive. The doctrine in question is this: that it is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatever for supposing it true." -- Bertrand Russell

"I do not see how it is possible for an intelligent human being to conclude that the Song of Solomon is the work of God, and that the tragedy of Lear was the work of an uninspired man." -- Robert Ingersoll

"But a short time elapsed after the death of the great reformer of the Jewish religion, before his principles were departed from by those who professed to be his special servants, and perverted into an engine for enslaving mankind, and aggrandizing their oppressors in Church and State." -- Thomas Jefferson (in a letter to S. Kercheval, 1810)

"Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration; courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and, above all, love of the truth." -- Henry Louis Mencken

"Since our inner experiences consist of reproductions, and combinations of sensory impressions, the concept of a soul without a body seem to me to be empty and devoid of meaning." -- Albert Einstein

"Jesus' last words on the cross, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" hardly seem like the words of a man who planned it that way. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure there is something wrong here." -- Donald Morgan

"Life has no meaning the moment you lose the illusion of being eternal." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat." -- Sir Julian Huxley

"EVERY national church or religion has established itself by pretending some special mission from God, communicated to certain individuals. The Jews have their Moses; the Christians their Jesus Christ, their apostles and saints; and the Turks their Mahomet; as if the way to God was not open to every man alike." -- Thomas Paine, 'The Age of Reason'

"The continually progressive change to which the meaning of words is subject, the want of an universal language which renders translation necessary, the errors to which translations are again subject, the mistakes of copyists and printers, together with the possibility of wilful alteration, are of themselves evidences that human language, whether in speech or in print, cannot be the vehicle of the Word of God. The Word of God exists in something else." -- Thomas Paine, 'The Age of Reason'

"I pledge allegiance to whom I am, though the weak may kneel, in strength I stand. Suffocated vows, salvation found, your sacred cow bleeds, the great god you feed. Blackened valleys of fear, I shall not dwell, deafening silence erased, no misplaced faith. Graven idolatry, I shall not bow, for I believe in me, my blood, my creed. Burn down every deity, I will have no gods but me." -- Mark Mynett, from the song "Kill Your Gods" by Kill 2 This

"Humanity seems to be a lost art." -- Jim Frederickson

"Give up sainthood, renounce wisdom, and it will be a hundred times better for everyone." -- Tao Te Ching

"Dont worry, be happy." -- Meher Baba, Guru

"So little done, so much to do." -- Alexander Graham Bell on his deathbed in 1922

"Government can't deliver a free lunch to the country as a whole. It can, however, determine who pays for lunch. And last week the Senate handed the bill to the wrong party... the poor and middle class." -- Warren Buffett, commenting on George W. Bush's 2003 tax cut that favors the wealthy.

"Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture." -- Jack Handy

"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm actually quite busy." -- author unknown

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavilier to cut them down? We might... if they screamed all the time... for no apparent reason." -- Jack Handy

"In fine, everything in this strange system is the reverse of what it pretends to be. It is the reverse of truth, and I become so tired of examining into its inconsistencies and absurdities, that I hasten to the conclusion of it, in order to proceed to something better." -- Thomas Paine commenting on Christianity

"THE WORD OF GOD IS THE CREATION WE BEHOLD: And it is in this word, which no human invention can counterfeit or alter, that God speaketh universally to man." -- Thomas Paine

"The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. It should transcend a personal God and avoid dogmas and theology. Covering both the natural and the spiritual, it should be based on a religious sense arising from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity. Buddhism answers this description." -- Albert Einstein

"If we sacrifice our freedom, we let terrorism win." -- Alaska State Rep. John Coghill (R), voting on a measure to defy the "Patriot Act"

"The Alaska State Legislature implores the United States Congress to correct provisions in the USA Patriot Act and other measures that infringe on civil liberties, and opposes any pending and future federal legislation to the extent that it infringes on Americans' civil rights and liberties." -- Resolution passed into Alaskan law that prohibits law enforement from using the "Patriot Act"

"Maybe evil demons helped men write this Bible, creating a false religion to keep man away from god and the real religion. That would explain a lot...." -- William Barwell

"The burden of all song and praise "unto the Highest" has been that God stands for justice and mercy. Yet injustice among men is ever on the increase; the outrages committed against the masses in this country alone would seem enough to overflow the very heavens. But where are the gods to make an end to all these horrors, these wrongs, this inhumanity to man? No, not the gods, but MAN must rise in his mighty wrath. He, deceived by all the deities, betrayed by their emissaries, he, himself, must undertake to usher in justice upon the earth." -- Emma Goldman

"Man must get back to himself before he can learn his relation to his fellows. Prometheus chained to the Rock of Ages is doomed to remain the prey of the vultures of darkness. Unbind Prometheus, and you dispel the night and its horrors." -- Emma Goldman

"We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions." -- Isaac Bashevis Singer (1904-1991)

"As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do." -- Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919)

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them... well, I have others." -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

"A classic is a book which people praise and don't read." -- Mark Twain

"Creationists use facts the same way a drunk uses a lightpost: for support instead of illumination" -- Robert Ingersoll

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." -- Mark Twain

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." -- Mark Twain

"A jury consists of twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer." -- Robert Frost

"Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Marijuana, Prozak would lose." -- Bill Maher

"I don't do heroin myself, but it's done wonders for my music collection." -- Bill Maher

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did.' " -- Jack Handy

"All religion, my friend, is simply evolved out of fraud, greed, imagination, and poetry." -- Edgar Allen Poe

"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." -- Unknown

"The religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The faith that stands on authority is not faith." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The Bible and Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation." -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

"My earlier views at the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures, have become clearer and stronger with advancing years and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"It will not do to investigate the subject of religion too closely, as it is apt to lead to infidelity." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma." -- President Abraham Lincoln

"Dammit, Lizzie, get off your fat lazy ass and cut me some firewood!" -- Mr. Borden

"A-one and a-two and a-three and a-four..." -- Lawrence Welk

"And for this cause God shall send them a strong delusion, that they shall believe a lie." -- 2 Thessalonians 2:11

"I will strew your flesh upon the mountains, and fill the valleys with your carcass. I will drench the land even to the mountains with your flowing blood..." -- Christian god (Ezekiel 32:5)

"'Pass through the city after him, and smite; your eye shall not spare and you shall show no pity; slay old men outright, young men and maidens, little children and women...'" -- Christian god (Ezekiel 9:5)

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me." -- Emo Philips

"I would have made a good Pope." -- Richard Nixon

"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." -- Peter O'Toole

"Religion is the finger pointing to God. People are too busy licking the finger to notice where it's pointing." -- Anthony de Mello

"No one who has not read the Bible or the Bard can be considered educated in Western traditions; similarly, no one ignorant of evolution can understand science." -- Dr. Stephen Gould

"In the beginning, the world was without form and void, and God said, 'Let there be light', and God seperated the light from the dark, and did two loads of laundry." -- Author unknown

"If you did not know at age five that the gods are made up beings and the myths made up stories, you are a fool." -- Suetonius, ancient Roman historian

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Anyone observing U.S. politics in recent years could easily conclude that lying about having sex is a serious offense worthy of impeachment, while lying about taking the country to war is hardly worth mentioning." -- Linda McQuaig, Toronto Star

"With public sentiment, nothing can fail. Without it, nothing can succeed." -- Abraham Lincoln

"It is better to understand a little, than to mis-understand a lot." -- A. France

"Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others." -- Dutch proverb

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." -- Albert Einstein

"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." -- Oscar Wilde

"Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live." -- Goethe

"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance." -- Conficius

"To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind." -- Rudyard Kipling

"Millions of Christians can and do go through life attending church, listening to sermons, reciting the creeds and never confront the seeming contradictions, redaction and myths passed off as verifiable history." -- A.N. Wilson

"I should like, if I could, to leave a humble gift -- a bit of chaste prose that had caught up some noble moods." -- Max Ehrmann, a poet and lawyer from Terre Haute, Indiana

"I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?" -- Bill Maher

"A little jargon is all that is necessary to impose on the people. The less they comprehend, the more they admire." -- Gregory of Nazanzius, bishop of Caesarea, in a 4th century letter to St. Jerome

"I guess if Ari had to rebel, being a Republican is better than being on drugs, but not by much." -- Alan Fleischer, father of former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer

"We have heard talk enough. We have listened to all the drowsy, idealess, vapid sermons that we wish to hear. We have read your Bible and the works of your best minds. We have heard your prayers, your solemn groans and your reverential amens. All these amount to less than nothing. We want one fact. We beg at the doors of your churches for just one little fact. We pass our hats along your pews and under your pulpits and implore you for just one fact. We know all about your mouldy wonders and your stale miracles. We want a 'this year's fact'. We ask only one. Give us one fact for charity. Your miracles are too ancient. The witnesses have been dead for nearly two thousand years. Their reputation for 'truth and veracity' in the neighborhood where they resided is wholly unknown to us. Give us a new miracle, and substantiate it by witnesses who still have the cheerful habit of living this world. Do not send us to Jericho to hear the winding horns, nor put us in the fire with Shadrach, Meshech and Abednego. Do not compel us to navigate the sea with Captain Jonah, nor dine with Mr. Ezekiel. There is no sort of use in sending us fox-hunting with Samson. We have positively lost all interest in that little speech so eloquently delivered by Balaam's inspired donkey. It is worse than useless to show us fishes with money in their mouths, and call our attention to vast multitudes stuffing themselves with five crackers and two sardines. We demand a new miracle, and we demand it now. Let the church furnish at least one, or forever hold her peace." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"Theology is not what we know about God, but what we do not know about Nature. In order to increase our respect for the Bible, it became necessary for the priests to exalt and extol that book, and at the same time to decry and belittle the reasoning powers of man. The whole power of the pulpit has been used for hundreds of years to destroy the confidence of man in himself-- to induce him to distrust his own powers of thought, to believe that he was wholly unable to decide any question for himself, and that all human virtue consists in faith and obedience. The church has said 'Believe and obey!' If you reason you will become an unbeliever, and unbelievers will be lost. If you disobey, you will do so through vain pride and curiosity, and will, like Adam and Eve, be thrust from Paradise forever! For my part, I care nothing for what the church says, except in so far as it accords with my reason; and the Bible is nothing to me, only in so far as it agrees with what I think or know." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, Some Mistakes of Moses, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 2 p. 53

"Blasphemy is an epithet bestowed by superstition upon common sense." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 5, p. 49

"These gods did not even know the shape of the worlds they had created, but supposed them perfectly flat. Some thought the day could be lengthened by stopping the sun, that the blowing of horns could throw down the walls of a city, and all knew so little of the real nature of the people they had created, that they commanded the people to love them. Some were so ignorant as to suppose that man could believe just as he might desire, or as they might command, and that to be governed by observation, reason, and experience was a most foul and damning sin. None of these gods could give a true account of the creation of this little earth. All were woefully deficient in geology and astronomy. As a rule, they were most miserable legislators, and as executives, they were far inferior to the average of American presidents." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, The Gods, 1872

"Businesses may come and go, but religion will last forever, for in no other endeavor does the consumer blame himself for product failure." -- Harvard Lamphoon

"Whether a Commonwealth suffers more by hypocritical pretenders to religion or by the openly profane? The most dangerous hypocrite in a Commonwealth is one who leaves the gospel for the sake of the law. A man compounded of law and gospel is able to cheat a whole country with his religion and then destroy them under color of law." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Printers are educated in the belief that when men differ in opinion, both sides ought equally to have the advantage of being heard by the public; and that when Truth and Error have fair play, the former is always an overmatch for the latter." -- Benjamin Franklin

"The Iraqi dictator must not be permitted to threaten America and the world with horrible poisons and diseases and gases and atomic weapons." -- George Bush, Oct. 7, 2002, in a speech in Cincinnati

"The evidence indicates that Iraq is reconstituting its nuclear weapons program ... Iraq has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes and other equipment need for gas centrifuges, which are used to enrich uranium for nuclear weapons." -- President Bush, Oct. 7, 2002, in Cincinnati

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans." -- Woody Allen

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -- Groucho Marx

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." -- Mark Twain

"I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall'". -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe." -- Jimmy Durante

"By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." -- Socrates

"The faith in which I was brought up assured me that I was better than other people; I was saved, they were damned.... Our hymns were loaded with arrogance - self-congratulation on how cozy we were with the Almighty and what a high opinion he had of us, what hell everybody else would catch come Judgment Day." -- Robert Heinlein

"I had to set limits to knowledge in order to make place for faith." -- Immanuel Kant

"Nature has no principles. She furnishes us with no reason to believe that human life is to be respected. Nature, in her indifference, makes no distinction between good and evil." -- Anatole France

"We must be greater than God, for we have to undo His injustice." -- Jules Renard

"I don't know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to God." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Woe to him who would ascribe to something like reason to Chance and make a religion of surrendering to it." -- Johann von Goethe

"From silly devotions and from sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us." -- Saint Theresa of Avila

"The pursuit of happiness belongs to us, but we must climb around or over the church to get to it." -- Heywood Broun

"All religions must be tolerated... for... every man must get to heaven his own way." -- Frederick the Great

"When we make mistakes they call it evil. When God makes mistakes they call it Nature!" -- Jack Nicholson in "The Witches of Eastwick"

"Would you sing 'Krishna bless America' or pledge allegiance to 'One nation under Allah'? If not, would that make you unpatriotic?" -- Chris Lee

"If all the evidence put forward for the authenticity of religious teachings originates in the past, it is natural to look round and see whether the present, about which it is easier to form judgements, may not also be able to furnish evidence of the sort. If by this means we could succeed in clearing even a single portion of the religious system from doubt, the whole of it would gain enormously in credibility." -- Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

"If wisdom and diamonds grew on the same tree we could soon tell how much men loved wisdom." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

"In the long run nothing can withstand reason and experience, and the contradiction which religion offers to both is all too palpable." -- Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

"The world would be astonished if it knew how great a proportion of its brightest ornaments, of those most distinguished even in popular estimation for wisdom and virtue, are complete skeptics in religion." -- John Stuart Mill, 1806-1873, British philosopher

"Invisible Pink Unicorns are beings of awesome mystical power. We know this because they manage to be invisible and pink at the same time. Like all religions, the Faith of the Invisible Pink Unicorns is based upon both logic and faith. We have faith that they are pink; we logically know that they are invisible because we can't see them." -- Steve Eley

"It is possible that mankind is on the threshold of a golden age; but, if so, it will be necessary first to slay the dragon that guards the door, and this dragon is religion." -- Bertrand Russell

"Religion is a means of exploitation employed by the strong against the weak; religion is a cloak of ambition, injustice and vice." -- Georges Bizet, letter to Edmond Galabert, 1866

"Science tells us what we can know but what we can know is little and if we forget how much we cannot know we become insensitive of many things of very great importance. Theology, on the other hand induces a dogmatic belief that we have knowledge where in fact we have ignorance and by doing so generates a kind of impertinent insolence towards the universe. Uncertainty in the presence of vivid hopes and fears is painful, but must be endured if we wish to live without the support of comforting fairy tales." -- Bertrand Russell

"There are two things in the world that can never get together - religion and common sense." -- George W. Foote

"I want it so that every minister will be not a parrot, not an owl sitting upon a dead limb of the tree of knowledge and hooting the hoots that have been hooted for eighteen hundred years. But I want it so that each one can be an investigator, a thinker; and I want to make his congregation grand enough so that they will not only allow him to think, but will demand that he shall think, and give to them the honest truth of his thought." -- Robert Ingersoll, Some Mistakes of Moses

"God created sex. Priests created marriage." -- Voltaire

"All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few." -- Stendhal

"A sober, devout man will interpret 'God's will' soberly and devoutly. A fanatic, with bloodshot mind, will interpret 'God's will' fanatically. Men of extreme, illogical views will interpret 'God's will' in eccentric fashion. Kindly, charitable, generous men will interpret 'God's will' according to their character." -- E. Haldeman-Julius, The Meaning Of Atheism

“The piano is a monster that screams when you touch its teeth.” -- Andres Segovia

"Anything beyond the limits and grasp of the human mind is either illusion or futility; and because your god having to be one or the other of the two, in the first instance I should be mad to believe in him, and in the second a fool." -- Marquis de Sade, 1740-1814

"As set forth by theologians, the idea of "God" is an argument that assumes its own conclusions, and proves nothing." -- Johann Most, c. 1890

"'Believing' cannot tip the scales in making a historical judgment about whether something really happened. I can choose to believe that George Washington threw a silver dollar across the Rappahannock, but my believing that he did it has nothing to do with whether or not he really did it. So also with the story of Jesus walking on the water: believing that he did it has nothing to do with whether he really did do it. 'Belief' cannot be the basis for historical conclusion; it has no direct relevance." -- Marcus J. Borg, "Faith and Scholarship," Bible Review, August 1993

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." -- Voltaire

"He who begins by loving Christianity better than truth will proceed by loving his own sect better than Christianity and end in loving himself better than all." -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"heresy - he sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see - he tries to tell me what i put inside of me - he's got the answers to ease my curiosity - he dreamed a god up and called it christianity - your god is dead and no one cares - if there is a hell i will see you there - he flexed his muscles to keep his flock of sheep in line - he made a virus that would kill off the swine - his perfect kingdom of killing, suffering and pain - demands devotion, atrocities, done in his name - your god is dead and no one cares - drowning in his own hypocrisy - and if there is a hell i will see you there - burning with your god in humility - will you die for this?" -- Trent Reznor, "The Downward Spiral," performed by the Nine Inch Nails

"If devotion to truth is the hallmark of morality, then there is no greater, nobler, more heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the responsibility of thinking...the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." -- Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

"No man ever yet tore down his altar and found a God behind it." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"One should not go into church if one wants to breathe pure air." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Preachers in pulpits talked about what a great message is in the book. No matter what you do, somebody always imputes meaning into your books." -- Theodore Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss), 1904-1991

"Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of." -- Mark Twain

"Religion has caused more harm than any other idea since the beginning of time. There's nothing good I can say about it. People use it as a crutch." -- Larry Flynt

"Religious Displays, as distinct from religious beliefs, are submissive acts performed towards dominant individuals called gods. The acts themselves include various forms of body-lowering, such as kneeling, bowing, kowtowing, salaaming and prostrating; also chanting and rituals of debasement and sacrifice; the offering of gifts to the gods and the making of symbolic gestures of allegiance. The function of these actions is to appease the super-dominant beings and thereby obtains favours or avoid punishments. There is nothing unusual about this behaviour in itself. Subordinates throughout the animal world subject themselves to their most powerful companions in a similar way. But the strange feature of these human submissive actions, as we encounter them today, is that they are performed towards a dominant figure, or figures, who are never present in person. Instead they are represented by images and artifacts and operate entirely through agents called holy-men or priests. These middle-men enjoy a position of social influence and respect because some of the power of the gods rubs off on them. It is therefore extremely important to the holy-men to keep the worshippers permanently obedient to the super-dominant figures, and they do this in several ways." -- Desmond Morris, Manwatching: A Field Guide to Human Behaviour, 1977

"Saints fly only in the eyes of their disciples." -- Hindu proverb

"Suppose, however, that God did give this law to the Jews, and did tell them that whenever a man preached a heresy, or proposed to worship any other God that they should kill him; and suppose that afterward this same God took upon himself flesh, and came to this very chosen people and taught a different religion, and that thereupon the Jews crucified him; I ask you, did he not reap exactly what he had sown? What right would this god have to complain of a crucifixion suffered in accordance with his own command?" -- Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 2

"Take from the church the miraculous, the supernatural, the incomprehensible, the unreasonable, the impossible, the unknowable, the absurd, and nothing but a vacuum remains." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 1

"The good, say the mystics of spirit, is God, a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man's power to conceive - a definition that invalidates man's consciousness and nullifies his concepts of existence.... Man's mind, say the mystics of spirit, must be subordinated to the will of God.... Man's standard of value, say the mystics of spirit, is the pleasure of God, whose standards are beyond man's power of comprehension and must be accepted on faith.... The purpose of man's life...is to become an abject zombie who serves a purpose he does not know, for reasons he is not to question." -- Ayn Rand, For the New Intellectual

"The true man walks the earth as the stars walk the heavens, grandly obedient to those laws which are implanted in his nature." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

"We are told in the Pentateuch, that god, the father of us all, gave thousands of maidens, after having killed their fathers, their mothers, and their brothers, to satisfy the brutal lusts of savage men. If there be a god, I pray him to write in his book, opposite my name, that I denied this lie for him." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"What I have done is to show that it is possible for the way the universe began to be determined by the laws of science. In that case, it would not be necessary to appeal to God to decide how the universe began. This doesn't prove that there is no God, only that God is not necessary." -- Stephen W. Hawking, Der Spiegel, 1989

"Whatever sympathy I feel towards religions, whatever admiration for some of their adherents, whatever historical or biological necessity I see in them, whatever metaphorical truth, I cannot accept them as credible explanations of reality; and they are incredible to me in proportion to the degree that they require my belief in positive human attributes and intervenient powers in their divinities." -- John Fowles, The Aristos

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -- Roger Caras

"You are digging for the answers - Until your fingers bleed - To satisfy the hunger - To satiate the need. - They feed you on the guilt, - To keep you humble and low, - Some man and myth they made up, - A thousand years ago." -- Melissa Etheridge, "Silent Legacy,"

"A believer is a bird in a cage, a free-thinker is an eagle parting the clouds with tireless wing." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"A mystic is a person who is puzzled before the obvious but who understands the nonexistent." -- Elbert Hubbard

"America was founded by the refuse of the religious fanatics of England, these undesirable elements that came over on the Mayflower. Ignorant, religious fanatics who land here and abuse the Indians." -- Frank Zappa

"Assuming that he believes at all, the everyday Christian is a pitiful figure, a man who really cannot count up to three, and who besides, precisely because of his mental incompetence, would not deserve such a punishment as Christianity promises him." -- Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All too Human

"But I cannot give liberty of conscience to the pope and his followers, the papists, so long as they tell me, through all their councils, theologians, and canon laws that their conscience orders them to burn my wife, strangle my children, and cut my throat when they find their opportunity." -- Abraham Lincoln

"By the cold and religious we were taken in hand - shown how to feel good; and told to feel bad." -- Roger Waters, from The Final Cut (Pink Floyd)

"If you love God, burn the church." -- Jello Biafra

"Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me." -- John Lennon, London Evening Standard, 4 March 1966

"Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. That unalterable rule applies both to God and man." -- John Emerich Edward Dalberg-Acton, letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton, 5 April 1887

"The truth cannot be asserted without denouncing the falsehood." -- Leslie Stephen

"What the Gospels actually said was: don't kill anyone until you are absolutely sure they aren't well connected." -- Kurt Vonnegurt, Slaughterhouse 5

"You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice. - If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill; - I will choose a path that's clear - I will choose Free Will." -- Rush, "Free Will"

"There were honest people long before there were Christians and there are, God be praised, still honest people where there are no Christians. It could therefore easily be possible that people are Christians because true Christianity corresponds to what they would have been even if Christianity did not exist." -- G.C. Lichtenberg, 1742-1799, German physicist and philosopher

"I refuse to be labeled immoral merely because I am godless." -- Peter Walker

"There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave." -- Louis Kronenberger, The Spirit Of The Age Company Manners, 1954

"The church today is a hospital for sick dogmas. Every Christian doctrine is a cripple; not one can walk or stand alone. Orthodoxy has put a false valuation on things. It calls a man good who goes to church, offers a prayer in public and accepts the Bible as the word of God; it calls a man bad who stays at home and enjoys himself with his family on Sunday, who eats without asking God to bless his food, and who does not expect to go to heaven on the vicarious railroad." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it." -- Albert Einstein

"I believe that at every level of society - familial, tribal, national and international - the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. We do not need to become religious, nor do we need to believe in an ideology. All that is necessary is for each of us to develop our good human qualities." -- Tenzin Gyatso, XIVth Dalai Lama

"The first thing to get clear about Christian morality between man and man is that in this department Christ did not come to teach any brand new morality. The Golden Rule of the New Testament (Do as you would be done by) is a summing up of what everyone, at bottom, had always known to be right." -- C.S. Lewis

"The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action." -- Albert Einstein

"The influences that have lifted the race to a higher moral level are education, freedom, leisure, the humanizing tendency of a better-supplied and more interesting life. In a word, science and liberalism - the two forces, fundamentally skeptical, that we have seen continuously at work in human progress - have accomplished the very things for which religion claims the credit." -- E. Haldeman-Julius, The Outline of Bunk

"When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out." -- Frank Sinatra

"None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The records do not show that Adam and Eve were married." -- Ed Howe

"Religion is no more the parent of morality than an incubator is the mother of a chicken." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"In every age immorality has found no less support in religion than morality has. If the achievements of religion in respect to man's happiness, susceptibility to culture and moral control are no better than this, the question cannot but arise whether we are not overrating its necessity for mankind, and whether we do wisely in basing our cultural demands upon it." -- Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

"It is a farce to call any being virtuous whose virtues do not result from the exercise of its own reason." -- Mary Wollstonecraft

"Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time." -- H.L. Mencken

"Convicts register their religious affiliation when they're processed into prison. And about 99.5% of the huge U.S.A. prison population consists of inmates who identified themselves as members of religious denominations." -- Gene M. Kasmar

"I say quite deliberately that the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world." -- Bertrand Russell

"Moral: a peerless maxim enumerated by God in his Holy Bible, such as that of Deut. 23:1, if your testicles are crushed or your male member missing, you must never enter a sanctuary of the Lord." -- Rev. Donald Morgan, Atheologian

"Most studies show that conventional religion is not an effective force for moral behavior or against criminal activity." -- Bernard Spilka, Ralph Hood, and Richard Gorsuch, The Psychology of Religion

"Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful - just stupid.)" -- Robert A. Heinlein

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber

"A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday, and what he is going to do on Monday." -- Thomas Ybarra

"St. Augustine found lying among the clergy so prevalent that he wrote two books (De Mendacio in 395 A.D. and Contra Mendacium in 420 A.D.), urging that it stop." -- Gordon Stein, A Second Anthology of Atheism and Rationalism

"Atheism leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation; all of which may be guides to an outward moral virtue, even if religion vanished; but religious superstition dismounts all these and erects an absolute monarchy in the minds of men." -- Francis Bacon

"Without a doubt the greatest injury of all was done by basing morals on myth. For, sooner or later, myth is recognized for what it is, and disappears. Then morality loses the foundation on which it has been built." -- Lord Samuel

"Gilles de Rais supposedly sodomized, mutilated, and murdered more than 700 children. At his trial he told of his usual procedure of sexually assaulting boys, cutting open their chests and burying his face in their lungs, and opening their abdomens and handling their intestines. He also confessed to necrophilia with the dismembered bodies and to attempted intercourse with a fetus he cut out of a pregnant woman. At his trial de Rais repented, and the bishop of Nantes was forced to receive him back into the church." -- Bodies Under Siege

"No morality can be founded on authority, even if the authority were divine." -- A.J. Ayer, Essay On Humanism

"Religious ideas have sprung from the same need as all the other achievements of culture: from the necessity for defending itself against the crushing supremacy of nature. ~Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion, 1927

"It is fear that first brought gods into the world." -- Petronius Arbiter, Satyricon

"The gods retain their threefold task: they must exorcize the terrors of nature, they must reconcile men to the cruelty of Fate, particularly as it is shown in death, and they must compensate them for the sufferings and privations which a civilized life in common has imposed on them." -- Sigmund Freud, The Future of an Illusion

"Religion is the impotence of the human mind to deal with occurrences it cannot understand." -- Karl Marx

"Throughout the early Christian period, every great calamity - famine, earthquake, and plague - led to mass conversions, another indirect influence by which epidemic diseases contributed to the destruction of classical civilization. Christianity owes a formidable debt to bubonic plague and to smallpox, no less than to earthquake and volcanic eruptions." -- Hans Zinsser, Rats, Lice and History, 1934

"Theology is but the ignorance of natural causes reduced to a system." -- Baron Paul Henri T. d'Holbach

"Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines." -- Bertrand Russell

"Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and enabling it to make its peace with its destiny." -- George Santayana

"Each generation will reap what the former generation has sown." -- Chinese Proverb

"For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency." -- Albert Ellis

"God - but a word invoked to explain the world." -- Prat de Lamartine

"If I were personally to define religion, I would say that it is a bandage that man has invented to protect a soul made bloody by circumstances." -- Theodore Dreiser, 1941

"Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable." -- Ambrose Bierce

"What is the function that a clergyman performs in the world? Answer: he gets his living by assuring idiots that he can save them from an imaginary hell." -- H.L. Mencken, Minority Reports

"Religion is the sign of the oppressed creature, the sentiment of a heartless world, and the soul of soul-less conditions. It is the opium of the people." -- Karl Marx, "Contribution to the Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right," 1884

"The Theologian is an owl, sitting on an old dead branch in the tree of human knowledge, and hooting the same old hoots that have been hooted for hundreds and thousands of years, but he has never given a hoot for progress." -- Emmet F. Fields

"There was a time when religion ruled the world. It is known as the Dark Ages." -- Ruth Hermence Green, Women Without Superstition

"You find as you look around the world that every single bit of progress in humane feeling, every improvement in the criminal law, every step toward the diminution of war, every step toward better treatment of the colored races, or every mitigation of slavery, every moral progress that there has been in the world, has been consistently opposed by the organized churches of the world. I say quite deliberately that the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world." -- Bertrand Russell, Why I Am Not A Christian

"In dark ages people are best guided by religion, as in pitch-black night a blind man is the best guide; he knows the roads and paths better than a man who can see. When daylight comes, however, it is foolish to use blind, old men as guides." -- Heinrich Heine, Gedanken und Einfalle, Volume 10

"The greatest threat presented by modern religion is the archaic morals system that an insidious minority of Christians including the Radical Right, Christian Coalition, the RIAA along with many other influences and organizations wish to incorporate into our secular law!" -- W.J. Wallace Jr., hypnopaedia@huxley.net

"Scientific education and religious education are incompatible. The clergy have ceased to interfere with education at the advanced state, with which I am directly concerned, but they have still got control of that of children. This means that the children have to learn about Adam and Noah instead of about evolution; about David who killed Goliath, instead of Koch who killed cholera; about Christ's ascent into heaven instead of Montgolfier's and Wright's. Worse than that, they are taught that it is a virtue to accept statements without adequate evidence, which leaves them a prey to quacks of every kind in later life, and makes it very difficult for them to accept the methods of thought which are successful in science." -- J.B.S. Haldane

"We cannot hope for a society in which formal organized religion dies out. But we can stop behaving as if it was worthy of our collective respect." -- A.N. Wilson, Against Religion

"Imagine the people who believe such things and who are not ashamed to ignore, totally, all the patient findings of thinking minds through all the centuries since the Bible was written. And it is these ignorant people, the most uneducated, the most unimaginative, the most unthinking among us, who would make themselves the guides and leaders of us all; who would force their feeble and childish beliefs on us; who would invade our schools and libraries and homes. I personally resent it bitterly and warn the people of Canada." -- Isaac Asimov, Canadian Atheists Newsletter, 1994

"For the church to say that abortion is not acceptable for a Catholic is fine. To say directly or indirectly that on something that is a church teaching that you must also vote according to that - that's not acceptable in a country based on the First Amendment." -- Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy

"Religion to me is much like the story "The Pit and the Pendulum," every time the blade of religious censorship swings it comes closer and closer to severing freedom from the people." -- W.J. Wallace Jr., hypnopaedia@huxley.net

"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer." -- Unknown

"I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs." -- Frederick Douglass, escaped slave

"Man must learn to rely upon himself. Reading bibles will not protect him from the blasts of winter, but houses, fires, and clothing will. To prevent famine, one plow is worth a million sermons, and even patent medicines will cure more diseases than all the prayers uttered since the beginning of the world." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, The Gods, 1872

"Practical prayer is harder on the soles of your shoes than on the knees of your trousers." -- Austin O'Malley

"We will not, therefore, lose our time praying to an imaginary god for things which our own exertions alone can procure." -- Francisco Ferrer

"This doctrine of the material efficacy of prayer reduces the Creator to a cosmic bellhop of a not very bright or reliable kind." -- Herbert J. Muller

"In the Middle East, the Bronze Age people of Canaan - the ancient region between the River Jordan and the Mediterranean that roughly corresponds to Israel - also failed to adapt to the drying out of their lands around 2200 BC(E). In their case, says Arlene Rosen of Ben Gurion University of the Negev, it was their beliefs that were their undoing. "In Canaan, people believed that environmental disasters were caused by a deity unhappy with the people," she says. Like the Mayans, the Canaanites could have coped with the new conditions by introducing new irrigation systems for their crops. Instead, they attributed the shift in climate to the wrath of the gods, built more temples and prayed for better times. Within a short time, the cities and towns were abandoned and the people became nomadic herders." -- "'Rigid' Cultures Caught Out by Climate Change," New Scientist, 5 March 1994

"To have a curable illness and to leave it untreated except for prayer is like sticking your hand in a fire and asking God to remove the flame." -- Sandra L. Douglas

"Call on the Great Spirit, but row your canoe away from the rocks." -- Native American proverb

"There must be no barriers to freedom of inquiry. There is no place for dogma in science. The scientist is free, and must be free to ask any question, to doubt any assertion, to seek for any evidence, to correct any errors." -- J. Robert Oppenheimer, Life, 10 October 1949

"The size and age of the Cosmos are beyond ordinary human understanding. Lost somewhere between immensity and eternity is our tiny planetary home. In a cosmic perspective, most human concerns seem insignificant, even petty. And yet our species is young and curious and brave and shows much promise. In the last few millennia we have made the most astonishing and unexpected discoveries about the Cosmos and our place within it, explorations that are exhilarating to consider. They remind us that humans have evolved to wonder, that understanding is a joy, that knowledge is prerequisite to survival. I believe our future depends on how well we know this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky." -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos, 1980

"The truths which God revealed have been overthrown by the truths which man has discovered." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

"Someone with a fresh mind, one not conditioned by upbringing and environment, would doubtless look at science and the powerful reductionism that it inspires as overwhelmingly the better mode of understanding the world, and would doubtless scorn religion as sentimental wishful thinking." -- P.W. Atkins, "The Limitless Power of Science," Nature's Imagination, edited by John Cornwell, 1995

"I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science." -- Heinz Pagels, The Dreams of Reason

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion. Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science." -- Gary Zukav, The Dancing Wu Li Masters

"The supernatural is the natural not yet understood." -- Elbert Hubbard

"Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things." -- Ned Flanders from "The Simpsons"

"The chief characteristic of the religion of science is that it works." -- Isaac Asimov

"Religion closes off the central questions of existence by attempting to dissuade us from further enquiry by asserting that we cannot ever hope to comprehend. We are, religion asserts, simply too puny. Through fear of being shown to be vacuous, religion denies the awesome power of human comprehension. It seeks to thwart, by encouraging awe in things unseen, the disclosure of the emptiness of faith. Religion, in contrast to science, deploys the repugnant view that the world is too big for our understanding. Science, in contrast to religion, opens up the great questions of being to rational discussion, to discussion with the prospect of resolution and elucidation. Science, above all, respects the power of the human intellect. Science is the apotheosis of the intellect and the consummation of the Renaissance. Science respects more deeply the potential of humanity than religion ever can." -- P.W. Atkins, "The Limitless Power of Science," Nature's Imagination, edited by John Cornwell, 1995

"Religion is based, I think, primarily and mainly upon fear. It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes. Fear is the basis of the whole thing - fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand. It is because fear is at the basis of those two things. In this world we can now begin a little to understand things, and a little to master them by help of science, which has forced its way step by step against the Christian religion, against the churches, and against the opposition of all the old precepts. Science can help us to get over this craven fear in which mankind has lived for so many generations. Science can teach us, and I think our own hearts can teach us, no longer to look around for imaginary supports, no longer to invent allies in the sky, but rather to look to our own efforts here below to make this world a better place to live in, instead of the sort of place that the churches in all these centuries have made it." -- Bertrand Russell, Why I Am Not A Christian

"If you don't want anyone to know, don't do it." -- Chinese Proverb

"The invasion of Iraq will be a cakewalk. The Iraqi people will throw candy and flowers at our troops and welcome them as liberators." -- Ken Adelman

"The radical novelty of modern science lies precisely in the rejection of the belief, which is at the heart of all popular religion, that the forces which move the stars and atoms are contingent upon the preferences of the human heart." -- Walter Lippmann

"Religion will not regain its old power until it can face change in the same spirit as does science." -- Whitehead, Science and the Modern World, 1925

"Science is a first-rate piece of furniture for a man's upper chamber, if he has common sense on the ground floor." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Science is the record of dead religions." -- The Oscariana of Oscar Fingall O'Flaherty Will Wilde [1856-1900] for George Bernard Shaw

"God cannot be put into the national Constitution without putting liberty out of it." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"The day that this country ceases to be free for irreligion, it will cease to be free for religion - except for the sect that can win political power." -- Supreme Court Justice Robert Houghwout Jackson, dissenting opinion in Zorach v. Clauson (343 US 306 - 1952)

"The United States is not a Christian nation. It is a great nation with Christians, among others, in it. But our greatness is based on the fact that there is no official religion." -- Senator Lowell Weicker

"So many Christians long for integration of church and state because they know it would be a Christian influence on government and politics. But would they still want religion's interference in the state if that religion were Buddhism or some other belief system that differed from their own? If the government were run by Muslim tenets, they'd be crying out for separation of church and state just as atheists always have." -- Anonymous

"The greatest achievement ever made in the cause of human progress is the total and final separation of church and state. If we have nothing else to boast of, we could lay claim with justice that the first among the nations we of this country made it an article of organic law that the relations between man and his maker were a private concern, into which other men have no right to intrude. To measure the stride thus made for the Emancipation of the race, we have only to look back over the centuries that have gone before us, and recall the dreadful persecutions in the name of religion that have filled the world." -- David Dudley Field, 1805-1894

"It is contended by many that ours is a Christian government, founded upon the Bible, and that all who look upon that book as false or foolish are destroying the foundation of our country. The truth is, our government is not founded upon the rights of gods, but upon the rights of men. Our Constitution was framed, not to declare and uphold the deity of Christ, but the sacredness of humanity. Ours is the first government made by the people for the people. It is the only nation with which the gods have nothing to do. And yet there are some judges dishonest and cowardly enough to solemnly decide that this is a Christian country, and that our free institutions are based upon the infamous laws of Jehovah." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"Those of us who believe in the right of any human being to belong to whatever church he sees fit, and to worship God in his own way, cannot be accused of prejudice when we do not want to see public education connected with religious control of the schools, which are paid for by taxpayers' money." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"When politics and religion are intermingled, a people is suffused with a sense of invulnerability, and gathering speed in their forward charge, they fail to see the cliff ahead of them." -- Frank Herbert, Dune

"Give the church a place in the Constitution, let her touch once more the sword of power, and the priceless fruit of all ages will turn to ashes on the lips of men." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, Ingersoll's Works, Vol. 1

"In addition, the New York Supreme Court, in a well known case (Miami Military Institute v. Leff 129 Misc. 481, 220 N.Y.S. 799, 810) said of the principle of religious freedom that it, 'has always been regarded by the American people as the very heart of its national life.' This would be difficult to maintain in a democracy without institutional separation of church and state." -- Anson Phelps Stokes, Church And State In The United States Vol. I

"Certainly the affirmative pursuit of one's convictions about the ultimate mystery of the universe and man's relation to it is placed beyond the reach of law. Government may not interfere with organized or individual expressions of belief or disbelief. Propagation of belief - or even of disbelief - in the supernatural is protected, whether in church or chapel, mosque or synagogue, tabernacle or meeting-house." -- Felix Frankfurter, U.S. Supreme Court justice, majority decision, Minersville School District v. Gobitis, 310 U.S. 586, 1940

"I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute - where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote - where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference - and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him." -- John F. Kennedy

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." -- Butch Hancock

"To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals." -- Don Schrader

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!" -- George Bernard Shaw

"I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty." -- John Waters

"He no play-da-game. He no make-a-da rules!" -- Earl Butz, referring to the Pope's stricture against contraception

"The Christian view that all intercourse outside marriage is immoral was, as we see in the... passages from St. Paul, based upon the view that all sexual intercourse, even within marriage, is regrettable. A view of this sort, which goes against biological facts, can only be regarded by sane people as a morbid aberration. The fact that it is embedded in Christian ethics has made Christianity throughout its whole history a force tending towards mental disorders and unwholesome views of life." -- Bertrand Russell

"The church doctrines of obedience to authority, repentance, fear of punishment, self-abnegation, acceptance of outer direction rather than inner assurance, elevation of faith over reason, and intolerance make institutionalized religion an ideal instrument of social constraint." -- Madalyn O'Hair, Freedom under Siege

"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them." -- Phil Pastoret

"How can you have order in a state without religion? For, when one man is dying of hunger near another who is ill of surfeit, he cannot resign himself to this difference unless there is an authority which declares 'God wills it thus.' Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"Since the masses of the people are inconsistent, full of unruly desires, passionate, and reckless of consequences, they must be filled with fears to keep them in order. The ancients did well, therefore, to invent gods, and the belief in punishment after death." -- Polybius, c.204 - c.122 BC

"The myths about Hades and the gods, though they are pure invention, help to make men virtuous." -- Diodorus Siculus, c. 20 BC

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." -- Seneca the Younger, c. 4 BCE - 65 CE

"The Puritan through Life's sweet garden goes... To pluck the thorn and cast away the rose." -- Kenneth Hare

"Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Change?!" -- unknown

"The Unitarian walks with a cane, the Congregationalist, Methodist, Presbyterian and Baptist go with crutches, the Episcopalian has to be pushed about in an invalid's chair, while the Roman Catholic crawls on his hands and knees and is led around with a ring in his nose by a priest." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police." -- Mr. Dooley

"There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness." -- H.L. Mencken

"My religiosity consists in a humble admiration of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God." -- Albert Einstein

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish Church, by the Roman Church, by the Greek Church, by the Turkish Church, by the Protestant Church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church." -- Thomas Paine

"I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in human beings. Like Confucius of old, I am so absorbed in the wonder of Earth and the life upon it that I cannot think of heaven and the angels." -- Pearl S. Buck

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you", that would suffice." -- Meister Eckhart

"I like the silence of a church, before the service begins better than any preaching." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Some keep the Sabbath going to Church - I keep it staying at Home - With a Bobolink for a Chorister - And an Orchard for a Dome." -- Emily Dickinson

"My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am." -- Unknown

"To crush out fanaticism and revere the infinite, such is the law. Let us not confine ourselves to falling prostrate beneath the tree of creation and contemplating its vast ramifications full of stars. We have a duty to perform, to cultivate the human soul, to defend mystery against miracle, to adore the incomprehensible and to reject the absurd; to admit nothing that is inexplicable excepting what is necessary, to purify faith and obliterate superstition from the face of religion, to remove the vermin from the garden of God." -- Victor Hugo

"Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God." -- Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972

"The Three in One, the One in Three? Not so! To my own Gods I go. It may be they shall give me greater ease than your cold Christ and tangled Trinities." -- Rudyard Kipling, 1888

"Church tax exemption means that we all drop our money in the collection boxes, whether we go to church or not and whether we are interested in the church or not. It is systematic and complete robbery, from which none of us escapes." -- E. Haldeman-Julius, The Church Is a Burden, Not a Benefit, In Social Life

"Churches should look to their members and friends only for the financing of their undertakings, and no church should engage in any undertaking, no matter how laudable it may be, that its members and friends are unable or unwilling to finance." -- Senator Sam Ervin

"The divorce between church and state ought to be absolute. It ought to be absolute. It ought to be so absolute that no church property anywhere, in any state, or in any nation, should be exempt from taxation, for if you exempt the church property of any church organization, to that extent you impose tax upon the whole community." -- U.S. President James A. Garfield, address to Congress

"The money man gives to get him into heaven is what he ought to use to improve the earth." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"It takes the shingles from the widow's cottage to put paint on the house of God." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"Leave the matter of religion to the family,... the church, and the private schools, supported entirely by private contributions. Keep the Church and the State forever separate." -- Ulysses S. Grant, speech, Des Moines, Iowa, 1875

"Christendom has done away with Christianity without being quite aware of it." -- Soren Kierkegaard, Time, 16 December 1946

"Christianity is not a religion; it's an industry." -- Unknown

"How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments." -- Benjamin Franklin

"The religious part of Easter is treated with solemnity, even the resurrection, but the secular part is pure paganism with all the heartiness drained out of it. Easter needs its Dickens." -- Samuel Marchbank's Almanac

"One would like to believe that people who think of themselves as devout Christians would also behave in a manner that is in according with Christian ethics. But pastorally and existentially, I know that this is not the case - and never has been." -- John Neuhaus, 1993

"Organized Christianity has probably done more to retard the ideals that were its founders' than any other agency in the world." -- Richard Le Gallienne

"What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?" -- Unknown

"To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year." -- Elwyn Brooks White

"Men will wrangle for religion, write for it, fight for it, die for it; anything but live for it." -- C.C. Colton, Lacon, 1825

"And all the good you've done will soon be swept away, You've begun to matter more than the things you say." -- Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Weber, Jesus Christ Superstar, from the song "Heaven On Their Minds"

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -- Mahatma Gandhi

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car." -- Source Unknown

"Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it." -- George Bernard Shaw

"In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes." -- Andy Warhol

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?" -- Mark Twain

"The last Christian died on the cross." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Jehovah was a believer in witchcraft, and said to his chosen people, 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.' This one commandment - this simple line - demonstrates that Jehovah was not only not God, but he was a poor, ignorant, superstitious savage. This one line proves beyond all possible doubt that the Old Testament was written by men, by barbarians." -- Robert Ingersol

"See, it's like... you need stuff that sucks to have stuff that's cool. Otherwise, how would you know that something was cool?" -- Butthead, from the MTV cartoon "Beavis and Butthead"

"I wanna tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that there's not enough troops in the army to force the southern people to break down segregation and admit the nigger race into our theaters and swimming pools, into our homes and into our churches." -- Former U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond(Dixiecrat), 1948. (The "Dixiecrats" bolted from the Democratic Party in the mid 60's due to Democrats giving equal rights to Blacks. Sen. Thurmond became a Republican in 1964)

"If you (the Segregationists) had won the Presidency, the United States would be better off." -- Trent Lott(R-MS), speaking at Strom Thurmond's (R-SC) 100th birthday party.

"Computers are like Old Testament gods; Lots of rules and no mercy." -- Joseph Campbell

"An honest god is the noblest work of man." -- Anonymous

"Christianity is no more a religion of peace than Islam is. They both talk hypocritically about loving your neighbour as long as he believes in your religion." -- forum contributor "Arthur Dent"

"Science celebrates its successful heretics: Darwin, Galileo, Mendel, Einstein, and many others. Religion tends to burn theirs." -- forum contributor "Arthur Dent"

"Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!" -- Bill Maher

"Cannot we let people be themselves, and enjoy life in their own way? You are trying to make another you. One's enough." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, quoted by Kurzweil, p 118

"There is no reality except the one contained within us. That is why so many people live such an unreal life." -- Hermann Hesse

"The most common despair is...not choosing, or willing, to be oneself...[but] the deepest form of despair is to choose to be another than oneself." -- Soren Kierkegaard, quoted by ban Breathnach, Something More, p 41

"Natural selection can also shape behavior and morphology to be defensive, of course. Both sexes of hyenas have thick pads on their backs and shoulders, where wounds can accumulate dramatically in subordinates. But the design for defense perhaps reaches its extreme in the appearance of female hyenas. Female hyenas have been known since antiquity to have genitals that look amazingly like those of males. Their clitoris looks just like a penis--in size, in shape, and in the location of the urinary canal. Likewise, their labia are constructed in such a way as to be indistinguishable from the male's scrotum. And, most remarkably, these pseudo-scrota even contain fatty bodies that quite resemble testes. In striking contrast to most evolutionary expalnations, this sexual mimicry, so complete, so rare, is normally explained as a chance result of another process--the selection for females to win fights for food." -- Wrangham, Demonic Males, p 184

"We know what we are, but know not what we may become." -- William Shakespeare, quoted by Kurzweil, p 234

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -- Joseph Campbell, quoted by ban Breathnach, Something More, p 39

"Where he expected to find the specific truth about himself he found freedom, but mistook it for mere nothingness." -- Watts, Nature, Man, and Woman,, p 181

"Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from a grocery store with the most amazing haul... chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler

"Our whole modern tendency to look at myths and deities as role models may be a misappropriation of the power of these images, born of our desperation at not knowing how to be in the world and culture in which we find ourselves. We are looking for permission to be more than our society tells us we are. But the Goddesses and Gods are not figures for us to copy--they are more like broomsticks: grab hold, and they will take us away somewhere beyond the boundaries of our ordinary lives." -- Starhawk, The Spiral Dance, Introduction to the Tenth Anniversary Edition, p 8-9

"The importance of the development of the emotional body is hardly recognized today. We are pretty much left to our own devices to come to full adulthood, whether man or woman. Our elders may have become so denatured themselves from a lack of such nurturance that there is no longer a collective knowledge of how to guide the awakening emotional vitality and authenticity of our young people, our children. Mindfulness may contribute to a reawakening of this ancient wisdom in ourselves and in others." -- Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are, p 154-5

"Sexual love is a troubled and problematic relationship in cultures where there is a strong sense of man's separation from nature, especially when the realm of nature is felt to be inferior or contaminated with evil." -- Alan Watts, Nature, Man, and Woman, p 11

"What a strange machine man is. You fill him with bread, wine, fish, and radishes, and out come sighs, laughter, and dreams." -- Nikos Kazantzakis, quoted by Kurzweil, p 135

"We're all lying in the gutter, but some of us are gazing at the stars." -- Oscar Wilde, quoted by Kurzweil, p 149

"Taking to the open road gives many satisfactions but we never forget our origins and for this reason we want to return to camp. On the other hand, sedentary life is not completely satisfying either, because we are never perfectly adapted to our social environment, and furthermore we yearn for adventure. We thus constantly oscillate between the two ideals of being and becoming. These hesitations are responsible for much human uneasiness. They are creative, nevertheless, because they engage human beings in a process of self-searching and of external exploration which helps them to escape from biological bondage and to humanize the earth." -- Dubos, Beast Or Angel?, p 138

"The human being is not a thing but a process, not an object but a life." -- Watts, Nature, Man, and Woman, p 148

"Frozen sorrow paralyzes. To unlock our energies, to empower ourselves again, we must mourn and rage." -- Starhawk, Truth or Dare, p 33

"A man's usefulness depends on his living up to his ideals insofar as he can. It is hard to fail but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. All daring and courage, all iron endurance of misfortune, make for a finer, nobler type of manhood. Only those are fit to live who do not fear to die; and none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"I had to follow that road, even if my steps were confused and indecisive. Otherwise I would not remain a man in my own eyes. For if I know something with certainty and I am convinced of its truth, how can I deny it, hide it from my closest friends; from the world and from myself?" -- Milovan Djilas, a Communist who criticized Stalin. Quoted in Jonathan Glover, Humanity: A Moral History of the Twentieth Century. Yale University Press, 2001 (originally 1999). p 282.

"Sons or fathers, poor men or rich men, sacred or secular: all are homosexual in their worship of everything phallic." -- Phyllis Chesler, quoted by John Stoltenberg. Refusing to Be a Man: Essays on Sex and Justice. New York: Meridian, 1989. p 77.

"All women become like their mothers, that is their tragedy; no man does, that is his." -- Oscar Wilde

"Who says these people are insane; It's only brainwash, quite humane; A thousand channels take your pick, another mystic lunatic, Amen; Think you can challenge me come on; I've seen 'em all off one by one; Old Gallileo's long forgot, though he was right and we were not, Amen" -- Dave Vanian, from the song "Amen" by The Damned

"Valid criticism does you a favor." -- Carl Sagan

"In two years, this dunce, this yo-yo from Texas, has taken us from a prosperous nation at peace to a broken nation at war." -- Hunter S. Thompson

"If you want to do evil, science provides the most powerful weapons to do evil; but equally, if you want to do good, science puts into your hands the most powerful tools to do so. The trick is to want the right things, then science will provide you with the most effective methods of achieving them." -- Richard Dawkins

"It really comes down to parsimony, economy of explanation. It is possible that your car engine is driven by psychokinetic energy, but if it looks like a petrol engine, smells like a petrol engine and performs exactly as well as a petrol engine, the sensible working hypothesis is that it is a petrol engine." -- Richard Dawkins

"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket, nor breaks my leg." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein

"Speak no evil of one another, brother. He that speaks evil of his brother, and judges his brother, also speaks evil of the law, and judges the law: If one judges the law, one is not a doer of the law, but a judge. There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: Who are you to judge another?" -- James 4:11-12

"Perhaps it is with more fear that you deliver my sentence than I receive it." -- Giordano Bruno, Feb. 17th, 1600. His last statement to the Church before being burned at the stake for being a "heretic" and "indulging in astronomical speculations; for supporting the Copernican theory"

"BRUNO... one of the greatest and bravest of men... greatest of all martyrs... perished at the stake, because he insisted on the existence of other worlds and taught the astronomy of Galileo. The murder of this man will never be completely and perfectly avenged until from Rome shall be swept every vestige of priest and pope, until over the shapeless ruin of St. Peter's, the crumbled Vatican and the fallen cross, shall rise a monument to Bruno, -- the thinker, philosopher, philanthropist, atheist, martyr." -- Robert Ingersoll, commenting on the execution of Giordano Bruno, burned at the stake by the Catholic Church 17-Feb-1600 for the crime of heresy.

"'My boy,' he said, 'you are descended from a long line of determined, resourceful, microscopic tadpoles... champions every one.'" -- Kurt Vonnegut from "Galapagos"

"WARNING! The Bible contains descriptions of violence, obscenity and filth. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN!" -- Author Unknown

"We are opening a new front in the war on terrorism. American troops are headed to the Philippines to disrupt a Muslim rebel group there and get them back to doing what they should be doing, making Nikes for Americans." -- Bill Maher

"I don't understand how the Republican party is the party with the reputation for fiscal conservatism and fiscal sanity, when they're the ones who run up the debt. It was Reagan who ran up the debt and now Bush is doing it again, and in between, Clinton and Bush's father, I must say, worked so hard to get that deficit and that debt down." -- Bill Maher from Larry King Live - Feb. 2003

"As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think about it... it was written by very smart people, it's served us well for over two hundred years, and besides, we're not using it anymore." -- Jay Leno

"Everyone (Europe & America) agrees on the principles of democracy and freedom, but the problem is that we don't agree with the means to achieve those ends. The United States can't see beyond the axiom that force can solve everything, but Europe, because of two world wars, knows the price of blood." -- Jean-Charles Pogram

"The stupid neither forgive NOR forget; the naive forgive AND forget; the wise forgive but do NOT forget." -- Thomas Szasz

"Darwin was wrong. Man's still an ape." -- Michael Ghiglieri

"One of the most worrisome things that emerges from the thick intelligence file we have on Iraq's biological weapons is the existence of mobile production facilities used to make biological agents." -- Colin Powell, speech to UN Security Council, 5-Feb-2003

"That's the man who tried to kill my daddy." -- George W. Bush, speaking of Saddam Hussein during a speech at a Republican Party fund-raiser, Sept. 2002

"Great events which dazzle the beholder are represented by politicians as the outcome of grand designs, whereas they are usually the product of temperaments and passions." -- de la Rochefoucauld

"An evil exists that threatens every man, woman, and child of this great nation. We must take steps to ensure our domestic security and protect our Homeland." -- Adolf Hitler, proposing the creation of the Gestapo.

"We should not march into Baghdad.... To occupy Iraq would instantly . . . turn the whole Arab world against us, and make a broken tyrant into a latter-day Arab hero . . . assigning young soldiers to a fruitless hunt for a securely entrenched dictator and condemning them to fight in what would be an unwinnable urban guerrilla war. It could only plunge that part of the world into even greater instability." -- Former President George Herbert Walker Bush, in his 1998 book "A World Transformed."

"Also when it is a case of only upholding some spiritual tenet, such as infant baptism, original sin, and unnecessary separation, then . . . we conclude that . . . the stubborn sectaries must be put to death." -- Martin Luther, founder of the Protestant faith

"Sheep, cattle, men-servants were all possessions to be sold as it pleased their masters. It were a good thing were it still so. For else no man may compel nor tame the servile folk." -- Martin Luther, founder of the Protestant faith

"The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases." -- Carl Jung

"Corruption is like a possum; it plays dead much more often than it actually dies." -- Jim Frederickson

"What is the fun to be the wisest if you have to live among the foolish?" -- Issy Loke

"All time is eternal, moving inexorably toward an end which we believe is a result of our actions, but over which our control is mere illusion." -- T.S. Elliot

"When I was back there in seminary school, there was a person there who put forth the proposition that you can petition the Lord with prayer.....petition the Lord with prayer.....petition the Lord with prayer.......YOU CANNOT PETITION THE LORD WITH PRAYER!" -- Jim Morrison, from the song "Soft Parade" by the Doors

"If we have to give up either religion or education, we should give up education." -- William Jennings Bryan, January, 1923

"All the ills from which America suffers can be traced back to the teaching of evolution. It would be better to destroy every other book ever written, and save just the first three verses of Genesis." -- William Jennings Bryan, 1924

"There is no more reason to believe that man descended from an inferior animal than there is to believe that a stately mansion has descended from a small cottage." -- William Jennings Bryan, Scopes Trial - 1925

"Man is not a mammal." -- William Jennings Bryan, Scopes Trial - 1925

"This is no time to be precious about locating the exact individuals directly involved in this particular terrorist attack.... We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." -- Ann Coulter

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -- Theodore Roosevelt, 1918

"We must make clear to the Germans that the wrong for which their fallen leaders are on trial is not that they lost the war, but that they started it. ... Our position is that no grievances or policies will justify resort to aggressive war. It is utterly renounced and condemned as an instrument of policy." -- Supreme Court Justice Robert L. Jackson, Nuremberg Tribunal, Aug. 12, 1945

"People are always pleased to indulge their religiosity when it allows them to stand in judgment of someone else, licenses them to feel superior to someone else, tells them they are more righteous than someone else. They are less enthusiastic when religiosity demands that they be compassionate to someone else. That they show charity, service and mercy to everyone else." -- Lenord Pitts Jr., Miami Herald columnist

"You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories." -- Lee

"Coming together is the beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." -- Henry Ford

"The man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears." -- Montaigne

"One must be a god to be able to tell successes from failures without making a mistake." -- Chekhov

"A religion old or new, that stressed the magnificence of the universe as revealed by modern science, might be able to draw forth reserves of reverence and awe hardly tapped by the conventional faiths. Sooner or later, such a religion will emerge." -- Carl Sagan

"During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution." -- James Madison, A Memorial and Remonstrance, addressed to the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Virginia, 1785

"We have uncovered absolute proof the Iraqi regime possesses WMD" … "he is likely an imminent threat to the U.S." … (these things) "justify a preemptive attack on Iraq." -- Colin Powell; prior to US Invasion

"For myself, I do not believe in any revelation. As for a future life, every man must judge for himself between conflicting vague probabilities." -- Charles Darwin

"The absurdity of the myths I was called upon to accept and the sombre greyness of the whole faith compared with the Eastern magnificence of Mahometanism, made me definitely an agnostic; and caused me to become so pestiferous a questioner that I was permitted to discontinue attendance." -- H.P. Lovecraft

"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'" -- Quentin Crisp

"Who you jivin' with that cosmic debris?" -- Frank Zappa

"Reality is what it is, not what you want it to be." -- Frank Zappa

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality." -- George Bernard Shaw

"It is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship…Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger." -- Hermann Goring, Nazi Luftwaffe commander, in an April 18, 1946 interview

"You think the divine wants you submissive and passive and mushy and pathetic? Bull. You wanna know God? Look in the mirror." -- Mark Morford

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx

"Summer passes into autumn in some unimaginable point of time, like the turning of a leaf." -- Henry David Thoreau

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1

"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval." -- George Santayana

"The quality of an organization can never exceed the quality of the minds that make it up." -- Harold R. McAlindon

"A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference." -- Pooh's Little Instruction Book

"I don't want to believe, nor do I want to disbelieve. I want to know the truth." -- Author unknown

"Speak not ill of an absent friend. Non male loquare absenti amico." -- Titus Maccius Plautus, Trinummus, IV, c. 190 BCE

"To free a man from error is to give, not take away" -- A. Schopenhauer

"American companies will have a big shot at Iraqi oil." -- Ahmed Chalabi (Chosen by the U.S. to be Head of the Iraqi National Congress)

"It is difficult to find a black cat in a dark room, particularly when there is no cat." -- Confucius

"A strong foundation exists for immediate military action against Saddam Hussein and for a multilateral effort to rebuild Iraq after he is gone." -- George Shultz - In an op-ed article in The Washington Times a few months before his company, Bechtel, was awarded a $680-million Iraqi reconstruction contract by USAID.

"It is always the best policy to speak the truth... unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar." -- Jerome K. Jerome

"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -- Robin Williams

"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'." -- Woody Allen

"I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good... Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a Biblical duty, we are called by God, to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism." -- Randall Terry, Founder of Operation Rescue, Quoted in The News-Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana. 8-16-93

"I want to say to all you Scribes, Pharisees, heresy hunters, all of you that are going around pickin' little bits of doctrinal error out of everybody's eyes and dividin' the Body of Christ...get out of God's way, stop blockin' God's bridges, or God's goin' to shoot you if I don't...let Him sort out all this doctrinal doodoo!...I refuse to argue any longer with any of you out there! Don't even call me if you want to argue...Get out of my life! I don't want to talk to you...I don't want to see your ugly face!" -- Paul Crouch, President, Trinity Broadcasting Network

"In winning a nation to the gospel, the sword as well as the pen must be used. Democracy is a heresy against God!" -- R.J. Rushdooney, Director of the Rutherford Institute, which was the principal funder of Monica Lewinsky's legal defense, and architect of "Christian Reconstructionism."

"All words are pegs to hang ideas on." -- Henry Ward Beecher

"If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"Fundamentalism is variously described by various authors, but to me it really boils down to a rather simple test: In my view, a fundamentalist religion is a religion, any religion, that when confronted with a conflict between love, compassion and caring, and conformity to doctrine, will almost invariably choose the latter regardless of the effect it has on its followers or on the society of which it is a part." -- Scott Bidstrup

"The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office." -- Will Rogers

"By the time a man notices that he is no longer young, his youth has long since left him." -- Francois Mauriac

"He who is afraid of making enemies will never have true friends." -- William Hazlitt

"The Bush administration cannot possibly take up the mantle of fiscal conservatism. It's probably the least fiscally conservative in history." -- Stan Collender, federal budget analyst for Fleishman-Hillard Inc.

"Thirty hours on judges? There are 13 million hungry children in America tonight but Republicans don't have time to debate that." -- Sen. Edward Kennedy commenting on the Republican demand that a 30 hour debate be held on Bush's judicial nominations.

"The comedy of man survives the tragedy of man." -- G.K. Chesterton

"The greatest spirits are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues." -- Descartes

"That was another thing I will never forgive the Republican Party for. I was ashamed to call myself a Republican during that period." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, speaking about the Clinton impeachment.

"You can't talk to a man when he don't want to understand." -- Carole King, from the song "Smackwater Jack"

"If we ask, for instance, whether the position of the electron remains the same, we must say 'no'; if we ask whether the electron's position changes with time, we must say 'no'; if we ask whether the electron is at rest, we must say 'no'; if we ask whether it is in motion, we must say 'no'. -- Robert Oppenheimer

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." -- Oscar Wilde

"For every talent that poverty has stimulated it has blighted a hundred." -- John W. Gardner

"Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame." -- G.K. Chesterton

"We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out." -- Ray Bradbury

"The work of the individual remains the spark that moves humankind forward." -- Igor Sikorsky

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." -- Henry Louis Mencken

"Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others." -- Oscar Wilde

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." -- Mark Twain

"The law respects form less than substance." -- California Civil Code, "Maxims of Jurisprudence"

"Never argue with a fool. Listeners can't tell which is which." -- Unknown

"I am not sincere, even when I say I am not." -- Jules Renard

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated; you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." -- David Lloyd George

"I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me." -- John Cleese

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Reports that say something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know." -- Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense under Pres. George W. Bush

"I understand politics and I know there's gonna be a lot of verbage." -- George W. Bush, January 2nd, 2003

"Russia's most precious resource is the brain power of this country. And you've got a lot of it. It's gonna take a lot of brains in Russia to create a drain." -- George W. Bush, May 25th, 2002

"In my life, I have prayed but one prayer: Oh Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it." -- Voltaire

"Why did God make tigers so good at catching prey, and at the same time make prey so good at getting away from tigers? You'd think that if God wanted one thing or the other to happen he'd have engineered it rather better. Maybe he enjoyed the spectator sport?" -- Richard Dawkins

"I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest." -- Mark Twain

"The Bible doesn't teach irrigation, medication, vaccination; As a means of education, Scripture is a loss. The substance of its "revelation" is just that God's the boss." -- Barbara Smoker, Good God

"Mr. Bush is flaky, incompetent, and the most dangerous American president in a generation." -- Mark Latham, Australian Labor Party Leader

"Isn't it ironic... don'tcha think?" -- Alanis Morisette

"We have it in our power to begin the world over again." --Thomas Paine

"Are the special privilege boys going to run the country, or are the people going to run it?" -- Harry Truman

"The United States, as the world knows, will never start a war." -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"Every special interest is entitled to justice full, fair and complete....but not one is entitled to a vote in Congress, to a voice on the bench or to representation in any public office." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Public offices were not made for private convenience." -- Thomas Jefferson

"We love without reason, and without reason we hate. " -- Jean-Francois Regnard

"Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier." -- Charles Kettering

"Character is power." -- Booker T. Washington

"Tourists don't know where they've been, travelers don't know where they're going." -- Paul Theroux

"The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard." -- William Hazlitt

"An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind." -- Mahatma Ghandi

"You can observe alot by just watching." -- Yogi Berra

"How can a question be answered that asks a lifetime of questions?" -- Norman Maclean

"What is the hardest task in the world? To think." -- Emerson

"If you can't explain what you're doing in simple English, you are probably doing something wrong." -- Alfred Kahn

"None but the brave deserves the fair." -- John Dryden

"Who has not found the Heaven -- below -- Will fail of it above -- For Angels rent the House next ours, Wherever we remove." -- Emily Dickinson

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." -- Will Rogers

"Whether a pretty woman grants or withholds her favors, she always likes to be asked for them." -- Ovid

"He who dares not offend cannot be honest." -- Thomas Paine

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -- Robert Heinlein

"Tradition is a guide and not a jailer." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"There are 3 basic differences between we British and you Americans. One, we speak English, and you don't. Two, when we have a "World Championship", we invite teams from other nations. Three, when you meet the British head of State, you only have to get down on one knee." -- John Cleese

"Saddam Hussein called and wants to know where his weapons of mass destruction are. Listen Saddam, I already told you, I don't know. You're going to have to call the White House on that one." -- Natalie Maines, Sept. 24, 2003

"So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander of NATO, saw combat in Vietnam, won the bronze star, silver star, the purple heart for being wounded in battle. See, I'm no political expert, but that sounds pretty good next to choking on a pretzel, falling off a scooter and dropping the dog." -- Jay Leno, Sept. 23, 2003

"If you tell a lie long enough, loud enough, and often enough, the people will believe it." -- Adolf Hitler

"The longer we live, the more we find we are like other persons." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." -- Carl Reiner

"We thought, because we had power, we had wisdom." -- Stephan Vincent Benet

"Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy." -- Jacques Maritain

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"Whoever teaches otherwise than I teach, condemns God, and must remain a child of hell." -- Martin Luther

"The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously." -- Henry Kissinger

"Anybody who is popular is bound to be disliked." -- Yogi Berra

"Real friends are those who, when you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel that you've done a permanent job." -- Erwin T. Randall

"The greater the wealth, the thicker the dirt." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Prayer is the contemplation of the facts of life from the highest point of view." -- Emerson

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

"There are no ugly loves nor handsome prisons." -- Benjamin Franklin

"A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you." -- Adlai Stevenson

"It's amazing, the emphasis on eye-candy pop groups; 'N Sync, Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys; all this feigned emotion and completely anal, unspontaneous choreography. It's so creepy, it's fantastic." -- Gerald Casale

"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." -- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

"There is only one duty, only one safe course, and that is to try to be right." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"It is not pleasure that makes life worth living. It is life that makes pleasure worth having." -- George Bernard Shaw

"He that knows little often repeats it." -- Thomas Fuller

"The truest expression of a people is in its dance and music." -- Agnes DeMille

"Perfection has one grave defect: it is apt to be dull." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"They have rights who dare maintain them." -- James Russell Lowell

"What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure." -- Samuel Johnson

"It is obvious that we must regard the universe as extending infinitely, forever, in every direction; or that we must regard it as not so extending. Both possibilities go beyond us." -- Editorial in 'Scientific America', March 13, 1921

"When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster." -- Lao-Tzu

"It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious." -- Alfred North Whitehead

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense." -- Thomas Henry Huxley

"The god of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction." -- Richard Dawkins

"Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise." -- Samuel Johnson

"The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty." -- John Philpot Curran

"Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"Love's fire heats water, water cools not love." -- William Shakespeare

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." -- Wayne Gretzky

"Those of us who study history for a living understand very well that there are many truths. There are many valid points of view about a historical event…I think it's better to think many truths constitute the past, rather than to think of a single truth." -- David J. Weber, Historian

"After a century-and-a-half, we are far enough away from the conflict to analyze it with serene intelligence, conscious of its many complexities, mindful of the passions it has raised, but steadfast in our mission to seek the truth." -- Miguel Ángel González Quiroga, Historian

"Great things are not done by impulse, buy by a series of small things brought together." -- George Eliot

"A brother may not be a friend, but a friend will always be a brother." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." -- Alexander Pope

"We hand folks over to God's mercy, and show none ourselves." -- George Eliot

"The answer (to illegal drugs) is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river." -- Rush Limbaugh on the Talk Radio show, Oct. 5, 1995

"I am not a phoney." -- Rush Limbaugh, Dec. 2003, from his first Talk Radio show after rehab for illegal drug addiction (Surprisingly, Rush has not turned himself in to police, in apparent contradiction to his beliefs).

"How sad would be November if we had no knowledge of the spring!" -- Edwin Way Teale

"One does not sell the land people walk on." -- Crazy Horse

"The most important thing I look for in a musician is whether he knows how to listen." -- Duke Ellington

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"I have seen several entirely sincere people who thought they were (permanent) Seekers after Truth. They sought diligently, persistently, carefully, cautiously, profoundly, with perfect honesty and nicely adjusted judgment--until they believed that without doubt or question they had found the Truth. That was the end of the search. The man spent the rest of his life hunting up shingles wherewith to protect his Truth from the weather. If he was seeking after political Truth he found it in one or another of the hundred political gospels which govern men in the earth; if he was seeking after the Only True Religion he found it in one or another of the three thousand that are on the market. In any case, when he found the Truth he sought no further; but from that day forth, with his soldering-iron in one hand and his bludgeon in the other he tinkered its leaks and reasoned with objectors." -- Mark Twain

"The question eventually must be raised: Is it a criminal offense to take the name of the Lord in vain? When people curse their parents, it unquestionably is a capital crime (Ex. 21:17). The son or daughter is under the lawful jurisdiction of the family. The integrity of the family must be maintained by the threat of death. Clearly, cursing God (blasphemy) is a comparable crime, and is therefore a capital crime (Lev. 24:16)." -- Gary North, The Sinai Strategy: Economics and the Ten Commandments, pp. 59-60

"The dictator of Iraq has got weapons of mass destruction." -- George W. Bush, Jan. 22, 2003

"I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'" -- George Carlin

"I'm sorry, could you please tell me what the definition of the word "is" is?" -- Bill Clinton

"Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people so ugly you wouldn't want to touch them in the first place?" -- George Carlin

"A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman, and a pretty girl." -- Charlie Chaplin

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." -- Pythagoras

"Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past." -- George Orwell

"There can be no progress if people have no faith in tomorrow." -- John F. Kennedy

"Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity." -- La Bruyere

"Patience is the companion of wisdom." -- St. Augustine

"Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire." -- William Butler Yeats

"We now live in the 21st century, not the 15th, and we must evolve accordingly, along with the times. In this sense the American Taliban (George W. Bush) is trying to hinder progress, like many leaders before him, only to find that the momentum is too great and the energy too encircling to stop. This next wave of civil rights battles is as inevitable as a full moon, given the constant state of change of America. The fight for gay rights is not the first struggle for equality, nor will it be the last. It is those insecure, ignorant and traditional entities, however, that fight tooth and nail to maintain their perceived belief structure based on archaic thousand-year-old beliefs and fables. In the end, they will lose their battle, as they always do, and progress will once more rise like a giant wave to swallow ignorance back to its rightful place." -- Manuel Valenzuela

"Rituals are carried out for reasons quite unknown. The fact remains, you have no mind to call your own. Condoned by a bible I have written for myself. No duplicates, there's only one and it's hidden on my shelf. The spell can't be broken, you all have been chosen. You're dying for me, demoralized servant to my every need. The choice has been made, you all will be slaves." -- Metal Church, from the song "The Spell Can't Be Broken"

"You don't dare say America or Christianity is a better way of living. When I said during my presidential bid that I would only bring Christians and Jews into the government, I hit a firestorm. 'What do you mean?' the media challenged me. 'You're not going to bring atheists into the government? How dare you maintain that those who believe the Judeo-Christian values are better qualified to govern America than Hindus and Muslims?' My simple answer is, 'Yes, they are.'" -- Pat Robertson, The New World Order, 1991

"Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson

"What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country." -- Bill Maher

"The founding document of the United States of America acknowledges the Lordship of Jesus Christ because we are a Christian nation." -- Pat Robertson

"If you cannot rely on good, accurate intelligence that is credible to the American people and to others abroad, you certainly can't have a policy of pre-emption." -- Dr David Kay, American WMD inspector for Iraq, on Fox News Sunday, commenting on the failure to find Iraq's WMD.

"The history of our nation has demonstrated that separate is seldom, if ever, equal. For no rational reason the marriage laws of the Commonwealth discriminate against a defined class; no amount of tinkering with language will eradicate that stain." -- Massachusetts State Supreme Court

"If you had chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?" -- George Carlin

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."-- Mark Twain

"One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team." -- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

"A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist." -- Elbert Hubbard

"Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

"The trouble with marrying your mistress is that you create a job vacancy." -- Sir James Goldsmith

"One's work may be finished someday, but one's education never." -- Alexandre Dumas

"Advice is worth what it costs - that is, nothing." -- Douglas MacArthur

"One of the great disadvantages of hurry is that it takes such a long time." -- G.K. Chesterton

"It is with a word as with an arrow - once let loose it does not return." -- Unknown

"No one can earn a million dollars honestly." -- William Jennings Bryant

"Kerry is saying that Bush never showed up for his national guard duty ... and now Bush is on the attack. He's accusing John Kerry of ducking time in the national guard by hiding out in the jungles of Vietnam." -- Jay Leno

"God is cool, man!" -- Jackie, Bravenet forum contributor

"As a Christian, a trained engineer and scientist, and a professor at Emory University, I am embarrassed by Superintendent Kathy Cox's attempt to censor and distort the education of Georgia's students. Dropping the word (evolution) will leave Georgia's high school graduates with a serious handicap as they enter college or private life where freedom of speech will be permitted. The existing and long-standing use of the word 'evolution' in our state's textbooks has not adversely affected Georgians' belief in the omnipotence of God as creator of the universe. There can be no incompatibility between Christian faith and proven facts concerning geology, biology, and astronomy. There is no need to teach that stars can fall out of the sky and land on a flat Earth in order to defend our religious faith." -- President Jimmy Carter, commenting on the State of Georgia removing the word "evolution" from the State's science curriculum

"To be happy in old age, it is necessary that we accustom outselves to objects that can accompany the mind all the way through life, and that we take the rest as good in their day. The mere man of pleasure is miserable in old age, and the mere drudge in business is but little better: whereas natural philosophy, mathematical, and mechanical science, are a continual source of tranquil pleasure; and in spite of the gloomy dogma of priests and superstition, the study of those things is the study of the true theology. It teaches man to know and to admire the Creator, for the principles of science are in the creation, and are unchangeable, and of divine origin." -- Thomas Paine, 'The Age of Reason, Part 2'

"Those who knew Benjamin Franklin will recollect that his mind was ever young; his temper ever serene. Science, that never grows grey, was always his mistress. He was never without an object; for when we cease to have an object, we become like an invalid in a hospital waiting for death." -- Thomas Paine, 'The Age of Reason, Part 2'

"There will always be a Frontier where there is an open mind and a willing hand." -- Charles F. Kettering

“Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.” -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"I do not need to explain why I say or do things. That's the interesting thing about being the President. Maybe somebody needs to explain to me why they say or do something, but I don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation." -- President George W. Bush, in an interview with Bob Woodward for his book "Bush At War"

"If I know I'm going crazy, I must not be insane." -- Dave Mustaine, Megadeth, from the song "Mary Jane"

"It is one of my firmest and most sacred beliefs... that the government of the United States, in both its legislative and its executive arm, is ignorant, incompetent, corrupt, and disgusting... that the administration of justice in the Republic is stupid, dishonest, and against all reason and equity... that the foreign policy of the United States -- its habitual manner of dealing with other nations, whether friend or foe -- is hypocritical, disingenuous, knavish, and dishonorable... that the American people, taking one with another, constitute the most timorous, sniveling, poltroonish, ignominious mob of serfs and goose-steppers ever gathered under one flag in Christendom since the end of the Middle Ages... " -- H.L. Mencken, "On Being An American"

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." -- Alvin Toffler

"Some people are so fond of ill-luck that they run halfway to meet it." -- Douglas William Jerrold

"If a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand." -- Mark 3:25

"Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense." -- Helen Rowland

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love." -- Sophocles

"The louder he talked of his honesty, the faster we counted our spoons." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We are judged by what we finish, not by what we start." -- Unknown

"Paranoia means having all the facts." -- William S. Burroughs

"It would be better to give honor to a maggot than a faggot. At least maggots are natural and serve a worthwhile purpose, while faggots are filthy, ungodly, perverts who hate God, His word and His people." -- Andrea Sheldon in a press release protesting the play Angels in America, reported by The Washington Blade, Oct. 22, 1999

"As to Jesus of Nazareth, I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with the most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts to his divinity." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." -- Abraham Lincoln, excerpt from the Gettysburg Address, November 19, 1863

"What we think, we become." -- Buddha

"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail." -- Will Rogers

"In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Input! Input! Input!" -- Johnny 5

"There's two possible outcomes: if the result confirms the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery. If the result is contrary to the hypothesis, then you've made a discovery." -- Enrico Fermi

"Knowledge is changeable, truth is eternal. It is disastrous to confuse the two." -- Madeleine L'Engle

"The bed is the poor man's opera." -- Italian proverb

"There's a pinch of the madman in every great man." -- Unknown

"I have noticed that nothing I have never said ever did me any harm." -- Calvin Coolidge

"When money talks, there are few interruptions." -- Herbert V. Prochnow

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." -- Aesop

"Be silly. Be honest. Be kind." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If the president is truly concerned about preserving the sanctity of marriage, why not make divorce illegal and stone adulterers? Our soldiers are being killed in Iraq; Osama's still on the loose; jobs are being exported all over the world; the deficit has reached biblical proportions... And our president is worrying about Mars and marriage?" -- Maureen Dowd

"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up." -- Max von Sydow, from Woody Allen's movie "Hannah and Her Sisters"

"I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free." -- Nikos Kazantzaki

"Pay attention to your enemies for they are the first to discover your mistakes." -- Anisthenes

"The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward. The Old Testament is interested mainly in blood and sensuality. The New one in Salvation. Salvation by fire. The first time the Deity came down to earth, he brought life and death; when he came the second time, he brought hell." -- Mark Twain, from Letter X of "Letters From The Earth"

"There ought to be limits to freedom." -- George W. Bush, May 21, 1999

"We know where they are (Iraq's WMD). They are in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad." -- Donald Rumsfeld March 30, 2003

"I never believed that we'd just tumble over weapons of mass destruction in that country." -- Donald Rumsfeld May 4, 2003

"They may have had time to destroy them (Iraqi WMD), and I don't know the answer." -- Donald Rumsfeld May 27, 2003

"One of our top objectives is to find and destroy the WMD. There are a number of sites." -- Pentagon Spokeswoman Victoria Clark March 22, 2003

"There is no doubt that the regime of Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction. As this operation continues, those weapons will be identified, found, along with the people who have produced them and who guard them." -- Gen. Tommy Franks March 22, 2003

"I have no doubt we're going to find big stores of weapons of mass destruction." -- Kenneth Adelman, Defense Policy Board , March 23, 2003

"We have sources that tell us that Saddam Hussein recently authorized Iraqi field commanders to use chemical weapons -- the very weapons the dictator tells us he does not have." -- George W. Bush, February 8, 2003

"We know for a fact that there are weapons (of mass destruction) there (in Iraq)." -- Ari Fleischer January 9, 2003

"For bureaucratic reasons, we settled on one issue, weapons of mass destruction (as justification for invading Iraq) because it was the one reason everyone could agree on." -- Paul Wolfowitz May 28, 2003

"Do you not know that every religion in the world has declared every other religion a fraud? Yes, we all know it. That is the time all religions tell the truth -- each of the other." -- Robert Ingersoll, from a lecture titled "hereafter"

"If you listen to two people who are arguing about something, and they each of them have passionate faith that they're right, but they believe different things---they belong to different religions, different faiths, there is nothing they can do to settle their disagreement short of shooting each other, which is what they very often actually do." -- Richard Dawkins

"Peace, like charity, begins at home." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court." -- Clarence Darrow

"A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do, nothing else." -- Andre Malraux

"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure." -- William Saroyan

"Just do what you do best." -- Red Auerbach

"What the critics said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank." -- Liberace

"To safeguard one's health at the cost of too strict a diet is a tiresome illness indeed." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins." -- Langdon Mitchell

"I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years." -- Samuel Goldwyn

"What's the difference between Jehovah and Santa Claus? People stop believing in Santa Claus when they grow up." -- Author unknown

"A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than she loves herself." -- Josh Billings

"Be awful nice to 'em goin' up, because you're gonna meet 'em all comin' down." -- Jimmy Durante

"The most truthful part of a newspaper is the advertisements." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Kids... There has to be some penalty for sex." -- Bill Maher

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." -- Dan Quayle

"Great men are but life-sized. Most of them, indeed, are rather short." -- Max Beerbohm

"Those who wish to appear wise among fools, among the wise seem foolish." -- Marcus Fabius Quintillanus

"Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he's 'electable.' Hey, so was Al Gore - in fact, he even got elected and it didn't help him at all." -- Jay Leno

"Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight." -- Proverbs 12:22

"I am angry that so many of the sons of the powerful and well-placed managed to wangle slots in the Army Reserve and National Guard units... Of the many tragedies of Vietnam, this raw class discrimination strikes me as the most damaging to the ideal that all Americans are created equal and owe equal allegiance to their country." -- Colin Powell, "My American Journey"

"You talk to some people who are opposed to same sex marriage, and they'll say, 'If we allow that, what's next? Will people want to marry animals?'...You have to wonder about people who go straight to that idea --- and they think WE'RE weird!" -- Ellen DeGeneres

"There is most certainly a purpose you are yearning to fulfill. Find it, know it, follow it, and you can change the world." -- Ralph Marston

"Congress should not establish a religion and enforce the legal observation of it by law, nor compel men to worship God in any manner contrary to their conscience, or that one sect might obtain a pre-eminence, or two combined together, and establish a religion to which they would compel others to conform." -- James Madison's summary of the First Amendment: (Annals of Congress, Sat Aug 15th, 1789 pages 730 - 731)

"O God, if there is a god, save my soul, if I have a soul." -- Ernest Renan, The Agnostics Prayer

"Music, the greatest good that mortals know, And all of heaven we have below." -- Joseph Addison

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." -- Red Auerbach

"I personally think that today, Iraq without Saddam Hussein is a truly better Iraq than with Saddam Hussein, but naturally I also feel uncomfortable due to the fact that we were misled with the information on weapons of mass destruction." -- Polish President Aleksander Kwasniewski

"Life is short. Live it up." -- Nikita Khrushchev

"The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions." -- William E. Scolavi

"Coward: one who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs." -- Ambrose Bierce

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." -- Oscar Wilde

"Wine is bottled poetry." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

"I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you're not married and having children, it's like your life is empty or you're a communist meanie." -- Bill Maher

"Life is good, if you like that sort of thing." -- Overheard in Palo Alto, California

"You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do." -- Henry Ford

"To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me." -- Charles William Stubbs

"Vote early and vote often." -- Al Capone

"There is more to life than increasing it's speed." -- Mahatma Ghandi

"Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise." -- Gert Boyle

"When George W. Bush told an audience in Charleston, S.C. that Iraq's non-existant WMD "did not matter", and that "America did the right thing in Iraq'', it was arguably the starkest indication to date that the nation's show of diplomacy in the days prior to the invasion was always a sham, a fig leaf to cover the fact that George W. Bush was determined from the beginning to go to war. Diplomacy would not get in his way, nor would facts, nor would the hesitation of allies. And what has it gotten us? Everything we feared. Lives lost. Bodies maimed. American prestige crippled. And daily attacks of ever-increasing intensity on soldiers who we were told would be greeted with open arms as liberators. All for nothing." -- Leonard Pitts Jr.

"It is said by Bush men and women that we fought (the Iraq War) to strike against terrorism -- except that Iraq had no documented role in the Sept. 11 attacks. It is said that we fought from a moral objection to tyranny -- except that we don't seem all that troubled by tyrants in nations that lack huge oil reserves. Everything is said except the truth: that we rushed into an unnecessary war on a half-baked mission. And that the repercussions of our hubris will shadow us for years." -- Leonard Pitts Jr.

"The powers in charge keep us in a perpetual state of fear; keep us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor with the cry of grave national emergency. Always there has been some terrible evil to gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the exorbitant sums demanded. Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real." -- General Douglas MacArthur

"The soul and substance of what customarily ranks as patriotism is moral cowardice--and always has been." -- Mark Twain's Notebook

"Work plus prayer equals crops. Work minus prayer equals crops. Therefore, prayer equals nothing." -- Farmer's Equation

"Basketball would be faster and a whole lot more exciting if they had a three-second shot clock. Never mind that passing stuff; as soon as the ball is in play, get that son of a bitch up in the air. I didn't pay to watch a game of catch; I'm lookin' for a 700 point game." -- George Carlin

"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things." -- Rene Descartes

"Money is like an arm or leg; use it or lose it." -- Henry Ford

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -- Edmund Burke

"When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better." -- Mae West

"If only I had a little humility, I'd be perfect." -- Ted Turner

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." -- Woody Allen

"Behind every great fortune, there is a crime." -- Honore de Balzac

"Truth comes out of error more easily than out of confusion." -- Francis Bacon

"I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you." -- Louis Armstrong

"Whoever controls the media, controls the mind." -- Jim Morrison

"Hippy is an establishment label for a profound, invisible, underground, evolutionary process. For every visible hippy, barefoot, beflowered, beaded, there are a thousand invisible members of the turned-on underground. Persons whose lives are tuned in to their inner vision, who are dropping out of the TV comedy of American Life." -- Timothy Leary, The Politics of Ecstasy

"And maybe it's the time of year. Yes, and maybe it's the time of man. And I don't know who I am. But life is for learning." -- Joni Mitchell/CS&N

"Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man. Imagine all the people Sharing all the world." -- John Lennon

"We are stardust, we are golden, and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden." -- Joni Mitchell/CS&N

"My advice to people today is as follows: If you take the game of life seriously, if you take your nervous system seriously, if you take your sense organs seriously, if you take the energy process seriously, you must turn on, tune in, and drop out." -- Timothy Leary, The Politics of Ecstacy

"Lean your body forward slightly to support the guitar against your chest, for the poetry of the music should resound in your heart.” -- Andres Segovia

"The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice.” -- Andres Segovia

"When your baby is first born, you hope that they have all of their fingers and toes. By the age of two, you wish they didn't have any arms or legs." -- Gallagher

"For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened." -- Romans 1:20-21

"Holding on to beliefs limits our experience of life. That doesn't mean that beliefs or ideas or thinking is a problem; the stubborn attitude of having to have things be a particular way, grasping on to our beliefs and thoughts, all these cause the problems. To put it simply, using your belief system this way creates a situation in which you choose to be blind instead of being able to see, to be deaf instead of being able to hear, to be dead rather than alive, asleep rather than awake." -- Pema Chodon

"When you plunge our country into war on a platform of fabrications and deceptions, and you bring back thousands of American soldiers who are sick, injured or dead, and that war is unconstitutionally authorized to begin with, Mr. Bush's behavior qualifies for the high crimes and misdemeanor impeachment clause of the Constitution. President Clinton was impeached for far less of an offense. Lying under oath is not a trivial offense, but it cannot compare with deceiving the American people night after night after night on national television, staging untruths and rejecting the advice of his advisers." -- Ralph Nader, Columbia College, Chicago, IL - April 6, 2004

"Take heed all of you who have at heart mankind's future! Take heed men and women of good will! May the temptation to seek revenge give way to the courage to forgive; may the culture of life and love render vain the logic of death; may trust once more give breath to the lives of peoples." -- Pope John Paul II, from his Easter speech, April 11, 2004

"And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?" -- George Carlin

"We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession." -- George Bernard Shaw

"I'm proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money." -- Arthur Godfrey

"In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes." -- Andy Warhol

"It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted." -- Aeschylus

"In the end, everything is a gag." -- Charlie Chaplin

"Shared joy is a double joy;shared sorrow is half a sorrow." -- Swedish proverb

"Everything I have is for sale, except for my kids and possibly my wife." -- Carl Icahn

"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble." -- Bob Hope

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." -- Mae West

"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist." -- Indira Gandhi

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." -- Chinese proverb

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." -- Jackie Mason

"The Gods offer no reward for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it." -- Mark Twain

"The meaning to life isn't a single answer, its all of them." -- Peter Owen

"Teaching the pagan religion of evolutionism is a waste of valuable class time and textbook space. It is also one of the reasons American kids don't test as well in science as kids in other parts of the world." -- "Dr". Kent Hovind, "reputable" Creationist

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see? Business people, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it." -- Morpheus, from "The Matix"

"We have just enough religion to make us hate, and not enough to love one another." -- Jonathan Swift 1667-1745

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again." -- Luke 6:37-38

"Whatever befalls the Earth befalls the sons and daughters of the Earth. If people spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves. This we know. The Earth does not belong to man; man belongs to the Earth. This we know. All things are connected like the blood that unites one family. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the Earth befalls the sons and daughters of the Earth. Human beings did not weave the web of life, they are merely a strand in it. Whatever they do the web they do to themselves." -- Chief Seattle, 1854

"I think George Bush is the most corrupt American president since Harding in the Twenties. He is not the legitimate president. This really is a completely unsupportable government and I look forward to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown." -- Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London, United Kingdom

"In suggesting gifts: Money is appropriate, and one size fits all." -- Williams Randolph Hearst (1863 -1951)

"Try to be conspicuously accurate in everything, pictures as well as text. Truth is not only stranger than fiction, it is more interesting." -- Williams Randolph Hearst (1863 -1951)

"Whatever begins to be tranquil is gobbled up by something not tranquil." -- Williams Randolph Hearst (1863 -1951)

"When free discussion is denied, hardening of the arteries of democracy has set in, free institutions are but a lifeless form, and the death of the republic is at hand." -- Williams Randolph Hearst (1863 -1951)

"A politician will do anything to keep his job... even become a patriot." -- Williams Randolph Hearst (1863 -1951)

"Nothing has inflicted more suffering on humanity than its dogmas. It is true that every dogma crumbles sooner or later, because reality will eventually disclose its falseness; however, unless the basic delusion of it is seen for what it is, it will be replaced by others." -- Eckhart Tolle

"Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts." -- E.B. White

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." -- The Buddha

"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?" -- Vince Lombardi

"Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets." -- Yogi Berra

"The players make the manager, it's never the other way." -- Sparky Anderson

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." -- John Lennon

"It is better to rise from life as from a banquet - neither thirsty nor drunken." -- Aristotle

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." -- Albert Schweitzer

"Life if short, but there is always time for courtesy." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"My own personal view is that people ought to have the right to enter into any kind of relationship they want to enter into. With respect to how that's affected or regulated by the State, those are State decisions. Different States are likely to make different decisions based upon their own wishes and desire of the people of the State, and that's perfectly acceptable." -- Dick Cheney, commenting on same-sex marriages, 08-Sept-2000, in an interview with the Rutland (Vermont) Herald

"We live in a free society, and freedom means freedom for everybody. We shouldn't be able to choose and say, 'You get to live free and you don't.' That means people should be free to enter into any kind of relationship they want to enter into. Like Joe (Lieberman), I'm also wrestling with the extent to which there ought to be legal sanction of those relationships. I think we ought to do everything we can to tolerate and accommodate whatever kind of relationships people want to enter into." -- Dick Cheney, answering a question on same-sex marriages during the televised VP debate for the 2000 Presidential Election

"We're a tolerant party. We don't support discrimination of any kind." -- Republican Party Chairman Jim Nicholson, commenting on Dick Cheney's comments on legalizing same-sex marriages

"I support the President's plan to amend the Constitution, banning same-sex marriage." -- Dick Cheney, Feb. 2004

"There is no room in the Party of Lincoln for hate. We condemn violence in all its forms, and join with all Americans in deploring this stunningly brutal, savage beating and murder. I extend my sincere personal condolences and prayers to the family of Matthew Shepard. The perpetrators of this vicious and indefensible act must be brought to justice, and punished to the fullest extent of the law." -- Republican Party Chairman Jim Nicholson

"President Bush is asking Congress for $80 billion dollars to re-build Iraq. And when you make out that check, remember there are two L's in Halliburton." -- David Letterman, "Late Show," September 8, 2003

"Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Human's aren't the only species... We just act like we are." -- Bumper Sticker

"A study funded by the US government has concluded that conservatism can be explained psychologically as a set of neuroses rooted in "fear and aggression, dogmatism and the intolerance of ambiguity"." -- Julian Borger, reporter for "The Guardian"

"I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"George W. Bush's approval ratings have plummeted as Americans realize that it's not gay marriage that's destroying the country, but rather the president, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and the rest of the gang in the White House. They're the ones who've taken us to war based on lies and have irreparably damaged the nation's integrity." -- Michelangelo Signorile, New York Press, May 25, 2004

"All cruelty springs from weakness." -- Seneca, 4 BCE - 65 CE

"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer." -- Tim Field

"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is." -- Winston Churchill

"Lack of knowledge of, or unwillingness to recognise, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and employer." -- Tim Field

"Beware anger, greed, jealousy. These lead to the Dark Side of the Force. Once down that path, forever will darkness rule your destiny." -- Jedi Master Yoda

"If you look back at the 1960's in the United States, and if you think that more good was done than harm, you are probably a Democrat. If you think that more harm was done than good, then you're probably a Republican." -- Bill Clinton, June 3rd, 2004

"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise, every expanded prospect." -- James Madison

"I mentioned early on that I recognize there are hurdles, and we're gonna achieve those hurdles." -- George W. Bush, St. Louis, Missouri, Jan. 22, 2003

"The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses." -- Francis Bacon

"Thank goodness we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we're gonna do it!" -- Lewis Black

"I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." -- Carl Sandburg

"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery." -- Jack Paar

"Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window." -- Bill Maher

"Having someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night is a very old human need." -- Margaret Mead

"Happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected." -- George Washington

"Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty." -- Plato

"Courage is like love; it must have hope to nourish it." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"In the lead up to the Iraq war and its later conduct, I saw at a minimum, true dereliction, negligence and irresponsibility. At worst, lying, incompetence and corruption." -- General Anthony Zinni, American Special Envoy to the Middle East

"The Bush people have no right to speak for my father, particularly because of the position he's in now (Alzheimer's Syndrome). Yes, some of the current policies are an extension of the '80s. But the overall thrust of this administration is not my father's - these people are overly reaching, overly aggressive, overly secretive, and just plain corrupt. I don't trust these people." -- Ronald Reagan Jr.

"The big elephant sitting in the corner is that George W. Bush is simply unqualified for the job. What's his accomplishment? That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?" -- Ronald Reagan Jr., during the 2000 GOP convention in Philadelphia

"And the weapons of mass destruction? Whatever happened to them? I'm sure we'll find some. They're being flown in right now in a C-130." -- Ronald Reagan Jr.

"Now ignorance is one thing, ignorance can be cured. But many of the Republican leaders opposing this (Stem Cell) research know better, people like (Senate Majority Leader) Bill Frist, who's a doctor, for God's sake. People like him are blocking it to pander to the 20 percent of their base who are mouth-breathers. And that's unconscionable - there are lives at stake here. Stem cell research can revolutionize medicine, more than anything since antibiotics." -- Ronald Reagan Jr.

"All speech is vain and empty unless it be accompanied by action." -- Demosthenes (382-322 BCE)

"As to the Christian system of faith, it appears to me as a species of Atheism -- a sort of religious denial of God. It professes to believe in a man rather than in God. It is a compound made up Chiefly of Manism with but little Deism, and is an near Atheism as twilight is to darkness. It introduces between man and his Maker an opaque body, which it calls a Redeemer, as the moon introduces her opaque self between the earth and the sun, and it produces by this means a religious, or an irreligious eclipse of light. It has put the whole orbit of reason into shade." -- Thomas Paine

"We're supposed to have guns. It says so in the Bible; and the second greatest book ever written, the Texas State Constitution." -- George W. Bush, interview in the Wyoming Weekly Journal, March 2000

"What's all this whining about the environment? They're always talking about 'stop the clearcuts.' I mean do the math people. If we were out of trees then we wouldn't have any clearcuts to be complaining about now would we?" -- George W. Bush, The National Speculator, March 2000

"What? So I'm supposed to kiss up to those perverts now? I'll tell you something, I don't want any of them touching my ballots. Someone could get AIDS from that." -- George W. Bush, Elite Viewpoints, March 2000

"Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work." -- Gallagher

"Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't become a monster." -- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

"Summer afternoon... the two most beautiful words in the English language." -- Henry James

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." -- Sidmund Freud

"It is very hard not to see extensive and basic similarities between these (Pagan) religions and the Christian Religion. But somehow Christian scholars have managed not to see it, and this, one must suspect, for dogmatic reasons." -- Robert Price, "Deconstructing Jesus", Chapter 3, 2000

"As people do better, they start voting like Republicans... unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing." -- Karl Rove

"I've been talking to Vicente Fox, the new president of Mexico, to have gas and oil sent to the U.S., so we'll not depend on foreign oil." -- George W. Bush, first Presidential debate, 10/03/2000

"One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected." -- George W. Bush, Los Angeles, Sept. 27, 2000

"If most of the breaks go to wealthy people it's because most of the people who pay taxes are wealthy." -- George W. Bush

"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have... he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road." -- George W. Bush, to reporters in Florence,S.C., Feb. 17, 2000

"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel." -- Ambrose Bierce

"A fanatic is someone who does what he knows that God would do if God knew the facts of the case." -- bsmart@bsmart.tti.com (Bob Smart)

"Even the present life does not exist, how could the after-life exist? -- Buddhadasa Bhikkhu (Translated from Thai)

"People in the West are always getting ready to live." -- Chinese Proverb

"I believe that when I die I shall rot, and nothing of my ego will survive. I am not young, and I love life. But I should scorn to shiver with terror at the thought of annihilation. Happiness is none the less true happiness because it must come to an end, nor do thought and love lose their value because they are not everlasting." -- Bertrand Russell

"Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I came not to send peace, but a sword." -- Jesus Christ (Matthew 10:34)

"Religionists mistake shit for food and then grin at me while they are eating." -- Greg Weeks

"In a dead religion there are no more heresies." -- Andre Suares

"If God wanted to hide, he would hide in human beings because that is the last place we would look." -- Anonymous

"I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is being much helped by the suffering of the poor people." -- Mother Teresa

"Jesus pointed the way - but many of His followers are staring at His finger." -- Karen McFarlin

"If you miss someone too much you turn into them... though it doesn't seem to work for the Christian Church." -- Robyn Hitchcock

"Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside." -- George Bernard Shaw

"When you kill a man, you're a murderer. Kill many, and you're a conquerer. Kill them all, you're a god." -- Dave Mustaine, from a quote by Jean Rostand, used in the song "Captive Honour"

"Love your neighbour as yourself." -- Leviticus 19, in The Torah, about 400 BCE, quoted by Jesus in Matthew 22 and Mark 12, 1st Century CE

"Do not do to others what you would not like for yourself." -- Confucius, about 500 BCE

"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"None of you truly believe, until he wishes for his brothers what he wishes for himself." -- Mohammad, 7th Century CE

"What is harmful to yourself do not do to your fellow men. That is the whole of the law" -- The Talmud, about 100 CE

"I want justice...There's an old poster out West, as I recall, that said, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive,'" -- George W. Bush, 9/17/01, UPI

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." -- George W. Bush, 9/13/01

"I don't know where Osama bin Laden is. I have no idea and I don't really care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." -- George W. Bush, March 13, 2002

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true." -- James Branch Cabell

"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world." -- Helen Keller

"To science we owe dramatic changes in our smug self-image. Astronomy taught us that our Earth is not the center of the universe, but merely one of nine planets circling one of billions of stars. From biology we learned that humans were not specially created by God but evolved along with tens of millions of other species." -- Prof. Jared Diamond, "The Third Chimpanzee", page 180

"Without the triggers, that tax cut is irreponsible fiscal policy. Eventually, I think that will be the consensus view." -- Fed. Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, commenting on Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy

"Being God's humble servent is one thing. Thinking you're the bouncer at the Pearly Gates is another." -- Seeker, BraveNet forum contributor

"When a religion is good, I conceive it will support itself; and when it does not support itself, and God does not take care to support it so that its professors are obliged to call for help of the civil power, 'tis a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one." -- Benjamin Franklin, letter to Richard Price, October 9, 1780

"The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason: The Morning Daylight appears plainer when you put out your Candle." -- Benjamin Franklin, the incompatibility of faith and reason, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1758

"I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life I absented myself from Christian assemblies." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Many a long dispute among divines may be thus abridged: It is so; It is not so. It is so; it is not so." -- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1743

"If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution. The primitive Christians thought persecution extremely wrong in the pagans, but practiced it on one another. The first Protestants of the Church of England blamed persecution in the Romish Church, but practiced it upon the Puritans. These found it wrong in the bishops, but fell into the same practice themselves both here and in New England." -- Benjamin Franklin, An Essay on Toleration

"Lighthouses are more helpful than churches." -- Benjamin Franklin

"He (the Rev. Mr. Whitefield) used, indeed, sometimes to pray for my conversion, but never had the satisfaction of believing that his prayers were heard." -- Benjamin Franklin

"What is it the Bible teaches us? -- rapine, cruelty, and murder. What is it the Testament teaches us? -- to believe that the Almighty committed debauchery with a woman engaged to be married, and the belief of this debauchery is called faith." -- Thomas Paine

"This is nuts. To be seen as the party that's coming between two people that love each other doing what they want to do... to me that's going to be seen as a liability, politically." -- Senator Lincoln Chafee (R-Rhode Island), commenting on the Republican plan to Amend the Constitution banning same-sex unions

"A person who fears no truth has nothing to fear from lies." -- Joeseph E Rogers (1880-1951)

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." -- Elbert Hubbard

"The reason we have two ears and only one mouth, is that we may hear more and speak less." -- Zeno

"When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." -- Seneca

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." -- Abraham Lincoln

"The enemy is not Arab people or the Muslim religion. The enemy is fanaticism, extremism, intolerance, hate. The madmen who commandeered those planes don't represent the followers of Islam any more than the madmen who blow up abortion clinics represent the followers of Christ. Yes, we're angry. We're supposed to be angry. We have a right to be angry. But at the same time, we must be wary of the places to which we allow that anger to bring us. If we let it deliver us to the doorstep of fanaticism, extremism, intolerance, hate, we might as well give up now. Because everything that matters has already been lost." -- Leonard Pitts Jr., 9/13/2001

"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." -- M. Acklam

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." -- Unknown

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea." -- Isak Dinesen

"In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die, and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." -- Albert Einstein

"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." -- Brian W. Kernighan

"Where security exists, liberty and opportunity do not." -- Ben Franklin

"Love your fellow man not because an ancient book tells you to, but because you feel it is right. Do what is right not out of fear of punishment, but out of the joy of helping your fellow man. Love God not so that God will do your bidding, but because you love the universe God gave you to explore. Die not so that you may be martyred or eternally rewarded, but so you may rest." -- Ford Vox

"All that is, was, and will be. Universe much too big to see. Time and space never ending, disturbing thoughts, questions pending. Limitations of human understanding. Too quick to criticize, obligation to survive, we hunger to be alive. All that is, ever, ever was, will be ever twisting, turning, Through The Never. In the dark, see past our eyes. Pursuit of truth, no matter where it lies. Gazing up to the breeze of the heavens, on a quest, meaning, reason. Come to be, how it begun. All alone in the family of the sun, curiosity teasing everyone. On our home, third stone from the sun." -- James Hetfield, Metallica, from the song "Through The Never"

"A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul." -- Franz Kafka

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -- George W. Bush, August 5th, 2004

"Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope." -- Josh Billings

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." -- Archie Griffin

"Saints try to get their heads into heaven. Poets try to get heaven into their heads." -- Jim Frederickson

"When you wake up in the morning and totally associate yourself with the sun rising within you, and sunsets wash throughout your entire being, the moon is your radiance, the mountains your soul, the oceans your emotions, and you are the universe within, All That Is, is totally you. There is no separation." -- Belinda Trujillo

"I believe that too many people put themselves above the Earth, like it belongs to them. We are part of it all, not better than any other living thing. We, as a society, tend to believe that we can control the happenings on this earth, forgetting that we "own" nothing and we are simply here to be part of nature and help and enjoy it. Too many of us are disconnected from the Earth's beauty and magic...and I believe that is at the root of our most pressing problems." -- Kerri Bordak

"I am a Pantheist because I feel much more spiritual in a park or the woods than I ever have inside a church, with a preacher yelling about why I am going to hell. I recognize that every living thing is made up the same matter. We (as humans) are as much a part of nature as trees and dirt. The Earth provides us with life: without the planet, there would be no human beings, nor anything else. And as quickly as we destroy the planet, we also destroy ourselves." -- Laura Haire

"The ultra right discourage dissent, they discourage independent thinking, if it is not in the book it's evil. They might encourage thinking, as long as it is "right thinking", reinforcing the set message, any thing distractive is stamped on. Sure left field thought is for the most part unproductive, most of it we stick in the bin ourselves. But without it, there is no creativity, no growth. The 3 or 4 percent of original thought that we keep is worth the effort, the 96 percent of stupid stuff we scrap is necessary for the process to work. Without it, a stagnant mind, which has been railroaded, and runs only where it has been allowed is the result. My message then is, think, analyse, discuss, test, reject, modify and repeat. It doesn't matter what "it" is really, if you can't bear to test out your belief then it is not going to improve, and is probably not worth hanging on to in the first place." -- Arthur Dent, BraveNet forum contributor

"I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a State she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there. So I certainly wouldn't imitate it." -- Alan Keyes, 03/17/2000

"I accept the Republican nomination for the U.S. Senate, to represent the State of Illinois." -- Alan Keyes, 08/09/2004. Mr. Keyes is a citizen of Maryland.

"Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so." -- John Stuart Mill

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." -- George Bernard Shaw

"If we worked on the assumption that what is accepted as true really is true, then there would be little hope for advance." -- Orville Wright

"I came to the conclusion long ago . . . that all religions were true, and also that all had some error in them" -- Mahatma Gandhi

"Behind the visible government there is an invisible government upon the throne that owes the people no loyalty and recognizes no responsibility. To destroy this invisible government, to undo the ungodly union between corrupt business and corrupt politics is the task of a statesman." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields

"The world is governed by very different personages from what is imagined by those who are not behind the scenes." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"He who knows others is clever, but he who knows himself is enlightened. He who overcomes others is strong, but he who overcomes himself is mightier still." -- Lao Tzu

"We are spiritual beings having a physical experience. The only true and lasting element of you is your spirit. Respect it. Our journey on earth is to learn the lessons of the soul and of the spirit. To improve the conditions of all who live here. We are all equal. All loved. All worthy- no matter what race, faith, creed, physical ability or sexual orientation. We all have a role to play." -- Anonymous Near-Death Experiencer

"To have a positive religion is not necessary. To be in harmony with yourself and the universe is what counts, and this is possible without positive and specific formulation in words." -- Wolfgang von Goethe

"Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner." -- Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

"The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself... Almost inevitably, he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable." -- H.L. Mencken, American Writer

"If everyone is thinking alike, then no one is thinking" -- Benjamin Franklin

"One man reads the Bible and agrees with the Catholic faith. Another reads the Bible and can see the Protestants got it right. And another just lines the bird cage with it." -- Tim, BaptistWatch Forum Contributor

"Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success." -- Jim Backus

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them." -- P.J. O'Rourke

"Nothing brings out the lower traits of human nature like office seeking." -- Rutherford B. Hayes

"The happiness of society is the end of government." -- John Adams

"When you don't give money, it shows that you have the devil's nature." -- Benny Hinn, Praise-a-thon (TBN), 04 April 1991

"The empires of the future are the empires of the mind." -- Winston Churchill

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." -- Maureen Dowd

"For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit." -- Mark Twain

"It is what we think we know already that often prevents us from learning." -- Claude Bernard

"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge." -- Daniel J Boorstin

"I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts." -- Mark Twain

"The World is divided into armed camps ready to commit genocide just because we can't agree on whose fairy tales to believe. In the end, Religion will kill us all." -- Ed Krebs

"Secular schools can never be tolerated because such a school has no religious instruction and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith.... We need believing people. -- Adolf Hitler, April 26, 1933

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God." -- George Bush Sr., to a reporter in 1988

"Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes of death...has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, all taking turns killing each other because God told them it was a good idea." -- George Carlin

"I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate." -- George Carlin

"The "wall of separation between church and state" is a metaphor based on bad history, a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging. It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned. -- William Rehnquist, Supreme Court "Justice"

"The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it." -- H. L. Mencken

"Sunday school: A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents." -- H. L. Mencken

"What is the function that a clergyman performs in the world? Answer: He gets his living by assuring idiots that he can save them from an imaginary hell." -- H. L. Mencken

"Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million." -- Mark Twain

"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business. I live by the golden rule: Treat others as you'd want them to treat you. The religious right wants to tell people how to live." -- Gov. Jesse Ventura

"Over the years I've met a handful of people who regularly talk with God, but they usually do so only when they're off their medications. -- Harley Sorensen

"If Jesus were among us today, he'd bitch-slap George Bush, Mel Gibson, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly for using Christ as political cannon-fodder." -- Thurston Wells

"I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally." -- Bill Maher

"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." -- Bertrand Russell

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. -- Timothy Jones

"Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity. -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"These televangelists say they don't favor any particular denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light up at tens and twenties..." -- Dennis Miller

"So Dubya goes to war because god told him to. There's a woman down in Texas who bashed in her kid's skulls for the same reason." -- Ed Krebs

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." -- George W. Bush

"If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you." -- Author unknown

"There are none more ignorant and useless, than they that seek answers on their knees, with their eyes closed." -- Author unknown

"Fundamentalists are like the fir trees in German forests: they cannot stand alone, and are only stable when crowded together, branches locked with those of their brothers. That is why we must always fear them, because they will always hate us for our individualism." -- Brent Yaciw

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." -- Albert Einstein

"I don't believe in God as I don't believe in Mother Goose." -- Clarence Darrow

"A man without a god is like a fish without a bicycle." -- Gloria Steinem

"Several thousand years ago, a small tribe of ignorant near-savages wrote various collections of myths, wild tales, lies, and gibberish. Over the centuries, these stories were embroidered, garbled, mutilated, and torn into small pieces that were then repeatedly shuffled. Finally, this material was badly translated into several languages successively. The resultant text, creationists feel, is the best guide to this complex and technical subject." -- Author unknown

"A society without religion is like a crazed psychopath without a .45." -- Author Unknown

"I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief." -- Gerry Spence

"Outsourcing American jobs will prove to be a plus for the economy in the long run. It's simply a new way of doing international trade." -- Greg Mankiw, Chief Economic Advisor for George W. Bush's Administration

"Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Upon the education of the people of this country the fate of the country depends." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital." -- Aaron Levenstein

"George Orwell was right. There's no greater genius as far as I'm concerned in terms of understanding human nature. I think that a lot of people just believe anything you tell them, and no matter what it is, they just go along with the program. They're perfectly happy to take their pill every day and do what they're told, and work and buy things, and work and buy things, and stay out of any complex emotional situations. And whatever the authorities tell them to do, they do, and whatever the authorities say is the truth, they believe is the truth." -- George Lucas

"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." -- Kahlil Gibran

"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here." -- David Letterman

"Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'" -- Craig Kilborn

"President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?" -- Jay Leno

"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain." -- Jon Stewart

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either." -- David Letterman

"President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader." -- Jon Stewart, on anti-war protests

"New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut." -- Craig Kilborn

"They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator John McCain, but the findings from this panel will not be issued until after the election. President Bush says the commission can go off and report back in a year, you know, the same way it works in the Texas National Guard." -- Bill Maher

"A'donish Lu Shu'mu" -- Akkadian for "May All Be Well"

"Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else." -- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States

"The CIA laid out several scenarios and said life could be lousy, life could be OK, life could be better, and they were just guessing as to what the conditions might be like." -- George W. Bush on Iraq, New York, Sept. 21, 2004

"Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed." -- Ambrose Bierce

"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." -- Hubert Humphrey

"Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"Knowledge is more than equivalent to force." -- Samuel Johnson

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." -- Susan B. Anthony

"Behavior is a mirror in which every one displays his own image." -- Goethe

"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within." -- Will Durant

"The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name." -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" -- Douglas Adams

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." -- Alan Dean Foster

"There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all." -- Peter Drucker

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking." -- Earl Wilson

"I am no longer afraid of becoming lost, because a journey back always reveals something new, and that's ultimately good for the artist." -- Christian O

"Our men moreover, returning in victory and bearing many heads fixed upon pikes and spears, furnished a joyful spectacle for the people of God." -- Anselme of Ribemont, Christian Crusader in a letter to Manasses II, Archbishop of Reims, 1098 C.E.

"Why is this man in the White House? The majority of America did not vote for him. He's in the White House because God put him there for a time such as this." -- General William "Jerry" Boykin, commenting on George W. Bush

"So many minority youths had volunteered that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself." -- Tom DeLay(R), answering a question as to why he avoided service in VietNam.

"Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for." -- David Starr Jordan

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -- Phillip K. Dick

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." -- Oscar Wilde

"Chickenhawks... They're all for war... as long as THEY don't have to serve! What exactly is a "chickenhawk"? According to the New Hampshire Gazette, a "chickenhawk" has three qualities: bellicosity (a warlike manner or temperment), public prominence, and a curious lack of wartime service when others their age had no trouble finding the fight. The fact they're almost all Republicans is... well, curious, don't you think?" -- Jerry and Lisa Vasilatos, creators of the "Deck of Republican Chickenhawks" cards.

"There is only one way to get rid of nuclear weapons... use them." -- Rush Limbaugh

"Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not." -- Phlogiston Verdigris

"No God worthy of worship could condemn good people to hellfire because of mere non-belief." -- Thaddeus Frye

"The proper exegetical principle is this: Mosaic law is still to be enforced, by the church or the State or both, unless there is a specific injunction to the contrary in the New Testament." -- Gary North, The Sinai Strategy: Economics and the Ten Commandments, pp. 242, 255

"The (Biblical) Law here is humane and also unsentimental. It recognizes that some people are by nature slaves and will always be so. It both requires that they be dealt with in a godly manner and also that the slave recognizes his position and accepts it with grace." -- R.J. Rushdoony, The Institutes of Biblical Law, p. 251

"When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil." -- Gary Potter, president of Catholics for Christian Political Action

"Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody's pseudo-right to worship an idol." -- Rev. Joseph Morecraft, Chalcedon Presbyterian Church, "Biblical Role of Civil Government" speech given 8/31/93 at Biblical Worldview and Christian Education Conference

"The long-term goal of Christians in politics should be to gain exclusive control over the franchise. Those who refuse to submit publicly to the eternal sanctions of God by submitting to His Church's public marks of the covenant --- baptism and holy communion --- must be denied citizenship, just as they were in ancient Israel." -- Gary North, Political Polytheism: The Myth of Pluralism, p. 87.

"We are to make Bible-obeying disciples of anybody that gets in our way." -- Jay Grimstead, February 1987

"How fortunate for those in power, that people do not think." -- Adolf Hitler

"The value of the average conversation could be enormously improved by the constant use of four simple words: "I do not know." -- Andre Maurois

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it." -- Psalms 34:14

"A man may devote himself to death and destruction to save a nation; but no nation will devote itself to death and destruction to save mankind." -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) English poet

"It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?" -- Lewis Black

"We know that if whites and nonwhites vote in the same percentages as they did in 2000, Bush will be re-defeated by 3 million votes." -- Julian Bond, NAACP chairman, commenting on the IRS was investigating the NAACP after he criticized President Bush.

"Everybody here remembers the Clinton witch hunts, don't you? It was almost like the Republicans got together and said, 'Years of peace and prosperity. A booming economy. Everything's going good. Clinton MUST BE STOPPED!' -- Bill Maher

"Halls of justice painted green, Money talking. Power wolves beset your door, Hear them stalking. Soon you'll please their appetite, They devour. Hammer of justice crushes you, Overpowers. Lady justice has been raped, Truth assassin. Rolls of red tape seal your lips, Now you're done in. Their money tips her scales again, Make your deal. Just what is truth? I cannot tell, Cannot feel." -- James Hetfield, Metallica, from the song "... And Justice For All"

"We The People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America." -- Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America, September 17th, 1787

"The great tradition of America is one where people can worship the way they want to worship. And if they choose not to worship, they're just as patriotic as your neighbor. That is an essential part of why we are a great nation. If you're a Jew or a Christian or a Muslim, you're equally American." -- George W. Bush, 11/04/2004

"Some days you're the dog, other days you're the hydrant." -- Author Unknown

"Jeans represent democracy in fashion." -- Giorgio Armani

"Help, someone! She's attacking me like I'm the English language!" -- Princess Clara

"The chain around the neck of humanity is our tendancy to pass judgement on others." -- Queensryche

"This week, Georgia's board of education approved the plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'Evolution' when teaching biology instead of 'changes over time'. Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses'." -- Jimmy Fallon, "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live

"Babies are such a nice way to start people." -- Don Harold

"We don't know what to do about Humans. Of all the species we've made contact with, yours is the only one we can't define. You have the arrogance of Andorians, the stubborn pride of Tellarties. One moment you're as driven by your emotions as Klingons, and the next, you confound us by suddenly embracing logic." -- Soval, Vulcan ambassador to Earth, 2154.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." -- First Amendment, Constitution of the United States of America

"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, January 14, 1991

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being." -- Jerry Falwell

"If you are a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a rational, thinking, human being." -- Edward Strange, rebuttal to Jerry Falwell

"Religion to me is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need." -- Bill Maher

"Let us rid ourselves of the fiction that low oil prices are somehow good for the United States." -- Dick Cheney

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own." -- Ben Sweetland

"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions." -- Jerry Falwell

"Textbooks are Soviet propaganda." -- Jerry Falwell

"If you think you have it tough, read history books." -- Bill Maher

"We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities." -- Bill Maher

"I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer... So I don't respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years." -- Bill Maher

"He (Thomas Paine) saw oppression on every hand; injustice everywhere; hypocrisy at the altar; venality on the bench, tyranny on the throne; and with a splendid courage he espoused the cause of the weak against the strong." -- Robert Green Ingersoll

"For my own part, my belief in the perfection of the Deity will not permit me to believe that a book so manifestly obscure, disorderly, and contradictory can be His work." -- Thomas Paine, commenting on the Bible.

"It is error only, and not truth, that shrinks from inquiry." -- Thomas Paine

"Persecution is not an original feature in any religion; but it is always the strongly marked feature of all religions established by law." -- Thomas Paine

"He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself." -- Thomas Paine

"Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself - that is my doctrine." -- Thomas Paine

"Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future." -- Swami Sivananda

"Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say No when they mean Yes, and drive a man out of his wits for the fun of it." -- Louisa May Alcott

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." -- Mark Twain

"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." -- George Washington

"Do what you wish, as long as it harms no one. That includes yourself." -- Wiccan Creed

"Objection, evasion, joyous distrust, and love of irony are signs of health; everything absolute belongs to pathology." -- Nietzsche

"THE SAGE AS ASTRONOMER. - So long as thou feelest the stars as an "above thee," thou lackest the eye of the discerning one." -- Nietzsche

"Not their love of humanity, but the impotence of their love, prevents the Christians of today from burning us." -- Nietzsche

"No Free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms." -- James Madison

"And what country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned from time to time that this people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms....The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants" -- Thomas Jefferson in a letter to William S. Smith in 1787

"The strongest reason for people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The supposed quietude of men allures the ruffian; while on the other hand, arms like laws discourage and keep the invader and the plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. The same balance would be preserved were all the world destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some will not, others dare not lay them aside...Horrid mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them..." -- Thomas Paine, I Writings of Thomas Paine at 56 [1894]

"Thank you, but I'm afraid I can't accept your compliment. You see, I'm an atheist, so if I'm also God, that would mean that I don't believe in myself, and at this point in my life, I don't need the added insecurity." -- J. Michael Straczynski (producer of Babylon 5), when a fan told him that "he was God".

"It's sort of like the weather. Y'know, 'it's not the heat, it's the humidity'? In this case, it's not the hate, it's the stupidity." -- Margaret Cho, discussing racism in the American South

"The method of science is tried and true. It is not perfect, it's just the best we have. And to abandon it, with its skeptical protocols is the pathway to a dark age." -- Carl Sagan

"The greatest single cause of Atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable." -- Brennan Manning

"In society, those who don't have many abilities tend to complain more." -- Hatake Kakashi

"Live not by lies." -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

"A waist is a terrible thing to mind." -- Jane Caminos

"Violence can only be concealed by a lie, and the lie can only be maintained by violence. Any man who has once proclaimed violence as his method is inevitably forced to take the lie as his principle." -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn "The task must be to banish from mankind's thought the idea that anybody has the right to use force against righteousness, against justice, against mutual agreements" -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle." -- George Orwell

"'War is Peace' 'Freedom is Slavery' 'Ignorance is Strength'" -- George Orwell

"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face... forever." -- George Orwell

"The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them." -- George Orwell

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -- Helen Keller

"Once we realize that imperfect understanding is the human condition there is no shame in being wrong, only in failing to correct our mistakes." -- George Soros

"Christmas, the only holiday that is also a federal holiday so that Christians can go to their services and everyone else can have time to reflect on the meaning of Separation of Church and State." -- Jon Stewert

"Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong." -- Thomas Jefferson

"If you are comfortable with a lie, you will never look for the truth." -- Anon

"The greater the ignorance, the greater the dogmatism." -- Sir William Osler

"I would defend the liberty of consenting adult creationists to practice whatever intellectual perversions they like in the privacy of their own homes, but it is also necessary to protect the young and innocent." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves." -- Bill Vaughn

"My Republican friends tell me that cigars are the only thing that comes to mind when thinking of President Clinton. Everytime I think of Clinton, I think of a booming economy, low unemployment, being on good terms with our allies, fair tax codes, and gasoline for $1.25 a gallon!" -- Edward Strange

"I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"Science can destroy religion by ignoring it as well as by disproving its tenets. No one ever demonstrated, so far as I am aware, the non-existence of Zeus or Thor - but they have few followers now." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"I personally don't attach any theological significance to this --- I listen to what the scientists say. God is always the fall guy. We incriminate Him completely unjustly." -- Costas Kyriakides, Cyprus, Greek Orthodox Theologian, commenting on the 12/26/2004 Tsunami in Asia that killed over 150,000 people.

"The death of one person is a tragedy. The death of a million people is a statistic." -- Joseph Stalin

"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." -- Tom Bodett

"Doubt grows with knowledge." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"A judge should be evaluated by whether he faithfully upholds his oath to God, not to the people, to the state or to the Constitution." -- Clarence Thomas

"Just before they (US Forces) go in (to Iraq), the government cuts a deal with Halliburton. A big, big contract worth a ton of money. That's something they should have kept hidden. Don't... don't do that. Hide it, so at least I have to find it. Then, when I find it, I'm so exhausted from looking that I won't be so angry. But don't just sit there and pull your pants down and shit on my face." -- Lewis Black

"Ladies, if you want a happy marriage, then do whatever your husband tells you without questioning his authority." -- Rush Limbaugh

"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"Words are loaded pistols." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction." -- Judith Hayes

"All evolution in thought and conduct must first appear as heresy and misconduct." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity." -- Richard Dawkins

"Science built the Acadamy, superstition the inquisition." -- Robert Ingersoll

"It is impossible for me to conceive of a character more utterly detestable than that of the Hebrew god." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"The church teaches us that we can make God happy by being miserable ourselves." -- Robert Ingersoll

"If God doesn't exist, then it may have been necessary for man to invent him." -- Voltaire

"Always do what you are afraid to do." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Dream as if you'll live forever, and live as if you'll die tomorrow" -- James Dean

"I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through." -- Jules Verne

"In the 60's, I had priorities other than military service." -- Dick Cheney

"Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine." -- George Carlin

"No one will improve your lot if you do not yourself." -- Bertolt Brecht

"When people are feeling insecure, they'd rather have someone who is strong and wrong rather than somebody who is weak and right." -- Bill Clinton

"In evolution, as in all areas of science, our knowledge is incomplete. But the entire success of the scientific enterprise has depended on an insistence that these gaps be filled by natural explanations, logically derived from confirmable evidence. Because "intelligent design" theories are based on supernatural explanations, they can have nothing to do with science." -- Bruce Alberts, President, National Academy of Sciences

"Where there is the necessary technical skill to move mountains, there is no need for the faith that moves mountains." -- Eric Hoffer, American writer, 1902-1983

"In science, "fact" can only mean "confirmed to such a degree that it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent." I suppose that apples might start to rise tomorrow, but the possibility does not merit equal time in physics classrooms." -- Stephen J. Gould

"Defense is a lot broader than swaggering around saying you're going to kick Saddam Hussein's butt." -- Howard Dean

"The price of Liberty is eternal vigilance." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Civil rights is an abomination." -- W.N. Otwell, Baptist Minister, February 16, 2005

"We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think that flying planes in a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. When you look at belief in such things -- as do you go to heaven, is there a devil -- we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us." " -- Bill Maher

"Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers." -- Jesse Ventura

"You've gotta be original, because if you're like someone else, what do they need you for?" -- Bernadette Peters

"I often feel vaguely that I'm trapped in (the movie) Groundhog Day.... I'm once more covering a presidential candidate named George Bush who can't talk.... a self made "bidness" man from Midland with monogrammed cowboy boots who, when I ask him if he's read any novels lately, tells me to stop psychoanalyzing him." -- Maureen Dowd, New York Times columnist

"Character assassination is the weapon of choice for the debater with no character of his own." -- Anon

"Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have." -- Ernest Haskins

"A man who does not think for himself does not think at all." -- Oscar Wilde

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all." -- Oscar Wilde

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." -- Marcel Pagnol

"I was rejected for a White House press pass at the start of the Bush administration, but someone with an alias, a tax evasion problem and Internet pictures where he posed like the "Barberini Faun" is credentialed to cover a White House that won a second term by mining homophobia and preaching family values?" -- Maureen Dowd

"We're going to borrow $758 billion over the next 10 years to set up the personal retirement accounts. We think that's a manageable amount ... Trillions more after that." -- Dick Cheney on FoxNews

"God forbid that Americans earning, say, more than $1 million a year be asked to pony up a little more in taxes to support a larger military at a time when, we are told over and over, the country is in the middle of a war on terror. Millionaires can't be asked to sacrifice even just a little bit. No, they deserve to have their taxes cut while others fight and die." -- E.J. Dionne

"The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever." -- Anatole France

"The MIT Science Fiction society keeps a Bible in their comprehensive collection, as an anthology filed (by editor's last name) under 'G'." -- David Mix Barrington

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." -- Nietzsche

"Christian theology is not only opposed to the scientific spirit; it is opposed to every other form of rational thinking." -- H. L. Mencken

"To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today." -- Isaac Asimov

"Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Nothing exists except atoms and empty space; everything else is opinion." -- Democritus

"Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Faith is often the boast of the man who is too lazy to investigate." -- F. M. Knowles

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." -- Anne Lamott

"The idea that a good God would send people to a burning hell is utterly damnable to me - the ravings of insanity, superstition gone to see! I want no part of such a God." -- Luther Burbank

"For those who do not think, it is best to at least rearrange their prejudices once in a while." -- Luther Burbank

"Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all." -- Alexander the Great

"I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well." -- Alexander the Great

"In faith and hope the world will disagree, but all mankind's concern is charity." -- Alexander the Great

"The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog." -- Geroge Graham Vest

"If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other causes for prejudice by noon." -- Howard Aiken

"In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to be thankful for. As for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican." -- H. L. Mencken

"Before people crow about the absence of weapons of mass destruction, I suggest they wait a bit." -- Tony Blair, April 28, 2003

"People need to remember that to balance the federal budget off the backs of the poorest people in the country is simply unacceptable. You don't pull feeding tubes from people. You don't pull the wheelchair out from under the child with muscular dystrophy." -- Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-Ark)

"Budget cuts if you're not rich, tax cuts if you are. Less money for those who don't have any and more to those who do. That's how President Fredo says we're going to get out of the giant deficit hole he's dug. You can't put it any more simply. Rich people richer. Poor people poorer." -- Will Durst

"Those that oppress the poor to increase their riches, and those that give to the rich shall surely come to want." -- Proverbs 22:16

"If I were doing the Security Council today, I'd have one permanent member, the United States, because that's the real reflection of the distribution of power in the world. All international laws are invalid, meaningless attempts to constrict American power." -- John Bolton

"There's no such thing as the United Nations. If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference." -- John Bolton

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" -- Albert Einstein

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." -- Albert Einstein

"I am a deeply religious nonbeliever - This is a somewhat new kind of religion." -- Albert Einstein

"Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding." -- Albert Einstein

"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. I get most joy in life out of music." -- Albert Einstein

"I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind." -- Albert Einstein

"An attempt at visualizing the Fourth Dimension: Take a point, stretch it into a line, curl it into a circle, twist it into a sphere, and punch through the sphere." -- Albert Einstein

"I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war." -- Albert Einstein

"Force always attracts men of low morality." -- Albert Einstein

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." -- Albert Einstein

"One cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war." -- Albert Einstein

"As long as I have any choice, I will stay only in a country where political liberty, toleration, and equality of all citizens before the law are the rule." -- Albert Einstein

"I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves. Neither can I nor would I want to conceive of an individual that survives his physical death; let feeble souls, from fear or absurd egoism, cherish such thoughts. I am satisfied with the mystery of the eternity of life and with the awareness and a glimpse of the marvelous structure of the existing world, together with the devoted striving to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the Reason that manifests itself in nature." -- Albert Einstein

"It is quite possible that we can do greater things than Jesus, for what is written in the Bible about him is poetically embellished." -- Albert Einstein

"Freethought is respectable. Freethought is crucial. Freethought needs to be publicized." -- Dan Barker, Losing Faith in Faith

"He is less remote from the truth who believes nothing, than he who believes what is wrong." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Theists have good reasons for not believing in every god but their own. Atheists make no exception for the last one." -- Brett Lemoine

"Ignorance is the mother of devotion." -- Dean Henry Cole

"Trying to find God is a good deal like looking for money one has lost in a dream." -- Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays

"I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God." -- Thomas Alva Edison

"A mystic is someone who wants to understand the universe, but is too lazy to study physics." -- anonymous

"There is no such thing as a moderate Republican anymore." -- Bill Maher

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell

"'Faith' means not wanting to know what is true." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Nothing fails like prayer." -- Annie Laurie Gaylor

"The Creator, if He exists, has a special preference for beetles." -- J. B. S. Haldane, 1892-1964, Report of lecture, 7 April 1951 in Journal of the British Interplanetary Society (1951) vol. 10, p. 156

"There once was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time was called 'the Dark Ages'." -- Richard Lederer, Anguished English

"'God is as real as I am,' the old man said. I was relieved since I knew Santa wouldn't lie to me." -- anonymous

"The world holds two classes of men; intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence." -- Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri (973-1057 CE), Syrian poet

"Beyond the grave they will find nothing but death. But we shall keep the secret, and for their happiness we shall allure them with the reward of heaven and eternity." -- Fyodor Dostoyevski, The Brothers Karamazov, remark of the Grand Inquisitor

"History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion; i.e. none to speak of." -- Robert Heinlein (Lazarus Long)

"Organized Religion is like Organized Crime; it preys on peoples' weakness, generates huge profits for its operators, and is almost impossible to eradicate." -- Mike Hermann

"Theology is but the ignorance of natural causes reduced to a system." -- Baron Paul Henri T. d'Holbach

"Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat." -- John Morley

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction." -- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662 CE)

"Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich." -- anonymous

"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense." -- Chapman Cohen

"The price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that someday they might force their beliefs on us." -- Mario Cuomo

"When belief in a god dies, the god dies." -- Harlan Ellison, Deathbird Stories

"A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes." -- James Feibleman, Understanding Philosophy, 1973

"In the brain of every religious person there is a god shaped vacuum." -- Jeremy Konopka, on alt.atheism

"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." -- Fran Lebowitz

"I don't really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus!" -- Courtney Love

"The tolerance of liberty can be maintained until complete federal and state control by Catholics has been accomplished." -- Bishop O'Connor, Pittsburgh

"Your sweet little book is a bizarre collection of out-of-context quotations, misquotations, misleading quotations, non sequiturs, errors of fact and just about every other dirty intellectual trick known to man." -- Tim O'Neill, on the JW's anti-evolution book

"It was once proposed that all religions persuasions should be free and their worship publicly exercised. We Catholics have rejected this article as contrary to Roman Catholic canon law." -- Pope Pius VII, 1808

"The state (the U.S. Constitution) has not the right to leave every man free to profess and embrace whatever religion he may desire." -- Pope Pius IX

"Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do." -- Bertrand Russell

"In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination." -- Mark Twain

"When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers." -- Oscar Wilde

"The god who is reputed to have created fleas to keep dogs from moping over their situation must also have created fundamentalists to keep rationalists from getting flabby. Let us be thankful for our blessings." -- Garret Hardin

"If the answers to prayer are merely what God wills all along, then why pray?" -- Dan Barker, Losing Faith in Faith

"I gotta have more cowbell!" -- Christopher Walken

"These people in Congress are walking all over my personal and private life. I'm telling you, the United States citizens, you better start speaking up, because these people are going to trample into your personal, private affairs." -- Michael Schiavo

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others." -- Peace Pilgrim

"There never was a good war or a bad peace." -- Benjamin Franklin

"You cannot be both sane and well educated and disbelieve in evolution. The evidence is so strong that any sane, educated person has got to believe in evolution." -- Richard Dawkins

"Usually, even a non-Christian knows something about the earth, the heavens, and the other elements of this world....Now, it is a disgraceful and dangerous thing for an infidel to hear a Christian, presumably giving the meaning of Holy Scripture, talking nonsense on these topics; and we should take all means to prevent such an embarrassing situation, in which people show up vast ignorance in a Christian and laugh it to scorn." -- St. Augustine

"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle." -- Albert Einstein

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." -- C.S. Lewis

"Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed." -- Mahatma Gandhi

"A little sunlight is the best disinfectant." -- Louis Brandeis, U.S. Supreme Court Justice

"From space travel to organ transplants, one of the most important influences shaping the modern world is science. Amazingly, people who lived during the Civil War had more in common with Abraham than with us. If Christians are going to speak to that world and interact with it responsibly, they must interact with science." -- J.P. Moreland

"Fundamentalists long for the return of a more moral America, an America that may never have been. All around them they see what they perceive as declining morality and spirituality. They reason that if humans share ancestry with the other animals, we have no reason to behave as anything other than animals. This view neglects the fact that humans are the only known animals with the ability to contemplate the consequences of their own actions. It also fails to recognize that there is a great deal of good in the world, the nightly news notwithstanding. Crime existed long before the theory of evolution, even before the writing of the Bible, and biologists do not like crime any more than the creationists do. Evolutionary theory is not a license to run amok, and neither is a belief in the literal interpretation of the Bible a guarantor of moral behavior." -- Tim Berra, "Evolution and the Myth of Creationism"

"A happiness that won't stand up to examination is less than worthless." -- Drea

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." -- Steve Martin

"Faith is powerful enough to immunize people against all appeals to pity, to forgiveness, to decent human feelings. It even immunizes them against fear, if they honestly believe that a martyr's death will send them straight to heaven. What a weapon! Religious faith deserves a chapter to itself in the annals of war technology, on an even footing with the longbow, the warhorse, the tank, and the hydrogen bomb." -- Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene (New edition, New York: Oxford University Press, 1989), pp. 330-331.

"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly." -- Conan O'Brien

"When affection only speaks, truth is not always there" -- Thomas Middleton, British playwright, 1580 - 1627 CE

"Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too." -- Voltaire, Essay on Tolerance

"Someday, these judges will have to answer for their behaviour." -- Tom DeLay

"I wish we lived in the day that I could challenge you to a duel." -- Zell Miller, Dixiecrat(R)-GA

"When tempted to fight fire with fire, it is a good thing to remember that the fire department uses water." -- S.I. Hayakawa

"Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain." -- Mark Twain

"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein

"If a war be undertaken...before the resources of peace have been tried and proved vain to secure it, that war has no defense, it is a national crime." -- Charles Eliot Norton

"The reality is that our independent judiciary is the most respected branch of our government and the envy of the world." -- Theodore Olson, former US solicitor-general

"All religions segregate also...every religion asserts an order of truth and every other order is regarded as a lie." -- R. J. Rushdoony, INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Page 296

"There are reasons to believe that the Christian religion is true and that Christian morals work best for all...Christians are not just another special interest group; we are an 'everyone's best interest group.' Political change is not enough." -- Eldredge, John; Skifstad, Jason; Jesson, Greg, "Community Impact Curriculum - A Case for Social Improvement," Focus on the Family,1993, pgs. 48/49

"The background of the Negro culture is voodoo and magic; and the purposes the magic are control and power over God, man, nature and society. Voodoo and magic was the religion and life of America's Negro." -- R. J. Rushdoony, INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Page 60

"Politicians, please, think of yourselves! Move to help Terri Schiavo, and no one will be mad at you, and you'll keep a human being alive." -- Peggy Noonan, Conservative Wall Street Journal Columnist

"'Just living isn't enough', said the butterfly. 'One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.'" -- Hans Christen Andersen

"All men are NOT created equal before God; the facts of heaven and hell, election and reprobation make clear that they are not equal. Moreover, an employer has aproperty rights to prefer whom he will in terms of "color" creed, race or national origin." -- R. J. Rushdoony, INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Pp 509/510

"Segregation or separation is thus a basic principle of Biblical Law with respect to religion and morality. Every attempt to destroy this principle is an effort to reduce society to its lowest common denominator." -- R.J. Rushdoony, INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Page 294

"But integration and equality are myths; they disguise a new segregation and a new equality...Every social order institutes its own program of separation or segregation. A particular faith and morality is given privileged status and all else is separated for progressive elimination." -- R.J. Rushdoony, INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Page 296

"Not surprisingly, in Los Angeles on May 27, 1979, a larger number of voters voted for Thomas Bradley, a colored candidate, because it was the 'in thing to do.'" -- R. J. Rushdoony, INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Page 330

"The matriarchal society is thus decadent or broken society. The strongly matriarchal character of Negro life is due to the moral failure of Negro men, their failure to be responsible, to support the family, or to provide authority. The same is true of American Indian tribes which are also matriarchal today." -- R.J. Rushdoony, INSTITUES OF BIBLICAL LAW, Page 203

"Today Christians ... stand at the head of Germany ... I pledge that I never will tie myself to parties who want to destroy Christianity .. We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit ... We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in the theater, and in the press - in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess during the past ... (few) years." -- Adolf Hitler

"The heresy of democracy has since then (Colonial New England) worked havoc in church and state, and it has worked society to anarchy...Supernatural Christianity and democracy are inevitably enemies. Democracy is the great love of the failures and cowards of life." -- R.J. Rushdoony

"I was already Bishop of Hippo, when I went into Ethiopia with some servants of Christ there to preach the Gospel. In this country we saw many men and women without heads, who had two great eyes in their breasts; and in countries still more southly, we saw people who had but one eye in their foreheads." -- St Augustine

"It is easier for Heaven and Earth to pass away than for the smallest part of the letter of the law to become invalid." -- Luke 16:17

"Oops! Never mind!" -- Emily Litella

"On the dogmas of religion as distinguished from moral principals, all mankind, from the beginning of the world to this day, have been quarreling, fighting, burning and torturing one another, for abstractions unintelligible to themselves and to all others, and absolutely beyong the comprehension of the human mind." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Take a vicarious walk in the early morning. Smell the air's freshness. Look at the damp stones covered with new moss, and Spring.... Now consider another scene. A dusty room, a disordered desk covered with a rubber stamp and pad, a wrinkled paper bag, a sharpened-away pencil and worn eraser.... Who is to say that either of these scenes is to be preferred over the other? Who is to say that one is better than the other? They are both within the Awareness of the Identity being I. To say that one scene is good and the other not as good is to give them a power they didn't have before the judgment - the power to alter feeling." -- William Samuel

"Language is the source of misunderstandings." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it." -- Bill Maher

"It's been over a year since they've graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have found any work. Why don't they sign up (for military service in Iraq)? Do they hate America, or just freedom in general?" -- Bill Maher

"Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law." -- Thomas Jefferson, Letter to Dr. Thomas Cooper (February 10, 1814)

"I love this 'culture of life' stuff that comes out of the Christian Right. But do you hear anything about the genocide that's going on in Darfur?" -- Al Franken

"The main doctrine of a fanatic's creed is that his enemies are the enemies of God." -- Andrew White

"I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of." -- Clarence Darrow

"There may be fairies at the bottom of the garden. There is no evidence for it, but you can't prove that there aren't any, so shouldn't we be agnostic with respect to fairies?" -- Richard Dawkins

"There is no absolute knowledge. And those who claim it, whether they are scientists or dogmatists, open the door to tragedy. All information is imperfect. We have to treat it with humility." -- Jacob Bronowski

"A heretic is a man who sees with his own eyes." -- Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." -- Bertrand Russell

"If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life." -- Henry David Thoreau

"The concept of a Supreme Being who childishly demands to be constantly placated by prayers and sacrifice and dispenses justice like some corrupt petty judge whose decisions may be swayed by a bit of well-timed flattery should be relegated to the trash bin of history, along with the belief in a flat earth and the notion that diseases are caused by demonic possession. Ironically, the case for the involuntary retirement of God may have been best stated by one Saul or Paul of Tarsus, a first-century tentmaker and Pharisee of the tribe of Benjamin, who wrote, 'When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things' (I Corinthians 13:11). Those words are no less relevant today than they were two thousand years ago." -- John J. Dunphy

"Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over." -- Frank Zappa

"Come take a look at one of the oldest human urges- religion. After all, the only thing that makes us screwier is sex." -- Lilith Saintcrow

"See, in my line of work, you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." -- George W. Bush, Greece, NY, 05/24/2005, explaining his Social Security plan to a town hall meeting of perfectly average citizens (except they had all been pre-screened to allow only those who agree with him into the hall.)

"An authentic theology will not allow man to be obsessed with himself." -- Thomas F. Torrance

"Creationism has not made a single contribution to agriculture, medicine, conservation, forestry, pathology, or any other applied area of biology. Creationism has yielded no classifications, no biogeographies, no underlying mechanisms, no unifying concepts with which to study organisms or life." -- Botanical Society of America's Statement on Creationism

"Not all Muslims may be terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims." -- Ann Coulter (you forgot Timothy McVeigh and Eric Rudolph, darling)

"Being nice to people is, in fact, one of the incidental tenets of Christianity, as opposed to other religions whose tenets are more along the lines of 'kill everyone who doesn't smell bad and doesn't answer to the name Mohammed'." -- Ann Coulter

"With all due respect to those dear people, my friend, God Almighty does not hear the prayer of a Jew." -- Bailey Smith

"Don't use the word 'gay' unless it's an acronym for 'Got Aids Yet'." -- Bob Dornan (Rep. R-CA)

"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand." -- James Watt (Sec. of the Interior under Ronald Reagan)

"If you commit a crime, you're guilty." -- Rush Limbaugh

"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, November 8th, 1954

"Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our children and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of getting government out of our personal lives." -- Portland Oregonian article

"I don't believe in Heaven and Hell. I don't know if I believe in God. All I know is that as an individual, I won't allow this life -- the only thing I know to exist -- to be wasted." -- George Clooney

"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption (of fossil fuels)." -- President Bush, Sept. 23, 2002, Trenton, New Jersey, speech

"Republicans look to find the future and they find radio." -- Bill Maher

"If we are saying that the loss of species in and of itself is inherently bad... I don't think we know enough about how the world works to say that." -- Craig Manson, Interior Department Assistant Secretary, appointed by President Bush to position overseeing the Endangered Species Act, Los Angeles Times, Nov. 12, 2003

"First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country." -- President Bush on the Kyoto Climate Change Treaty, Washington Post, April 24, 2001

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -- George W. Bush

"I was raised in the West. The West of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California." -- George W. Bush

"Faith must trample under foot all reason, sense, and understanding." -- Martin Luther

"Reason is a whore, the greatest enemy that faith has." -- Martin Luther

"Reason is the enemy of faith." -- Martin Luther

"The multitude of books is a great evil. There is no limit to this fever for writing." -- Martin Luther

"Things aren't getting better; they're getting worse. The White House is completely disconnected from reality. It's like they're just making it up as they go along. The reality is that we're losing in Iraq." -- Senator Chuck Hagel (R-NE)

"Did you know that the Bush Administration laid out 62 million smackers on P.R. firms alone last year? Could that money have been better spent? Is the Pope German? Now George's predecessor, Horn Dog Clinton spent 32 million a year, proving what we all know... washing semen out of a little blue dress is alot cheaper than waging war. 62 million! Why? Doesn't George have enough buzz? Is he still hoping to get one photo that doesn't make his ass look fat? Or is it that empty slogans with cheery, up-beat monkiers like "No Child Left Behind" don't name themselves? Maybe Dubya thinks "P.R." stands for "Pork Rinds", or "Pat Robertson". I know I always confuse the two. Maybe 62 million has sentimental value. It's the same amount of money he lost while working in the private sector. And for all that cash he's pissed away on P.R., the guy still doesn't have a catchy jingle. So George, allow me... "Thanks for the tyranny, a war that won't be won. A debt we can't outrun. You caused ill-will throughout the world, but hey, you had your fun, yes thank you George!". I thank you... you've been a delightful audience." -- Avery the Ant & his 1 Minute Rant

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:" -- James 1:19

"Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training, for it trains people as to how they shall think." -- Arthur Shopenhauer

"When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, 'This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know', the end result is tyranny and oppression no matter how holy the motives." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"We've been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture." -- Pastor Ray Mummert speaking out against teaching evolution in Pennsylvania schools

"Approximately 80 percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation." -- Ronald Reagan

"The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." -- Marcel Proust

"A demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots." -- H. L. Mencken

"My version of 'Georgia' became the State song of Georgia. That was a big thing for me, man. It really touched me. Here is a State that used to lynch people like me suddenly declaring my version of a song as its State song. That is touching." -- Ray Charles

"Myths which are believed tend to become true." -- George Orwell

"Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord." -- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, 1925, p 65, first edition.

"Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution." -- Theodosius Dobzhansky

"Intelligent-design advocates want to split open the public's understanding of science and convince people that you can call on the supernatural for a scientific explanation." -- Barbara Forrest, philosopher, Southeastern Louisiana University

"The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE." -- Phyllis Diller, July 17, 1997

"There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money." -- Phyllis Diller

"I believe demolishing Hussein's military power and liberating Iraq would be a cakewalk. Let me give simple, responsible reasons: (1) It was a cakewalk last time; (2) they've become much weaker; (3) we've become much stronger; and (4) now we're playing for keeps." -- Ken Adelman

"I'd rather have newspapers and no government than government and no newspapers." -- Thomas Jefferson

"I love God. He's my favorite fictional character." -- Homer Simpson

"We must abandon the prevalent belief in the superior wisdom of the ignorant." -- Daniel Boorstin

"If we can't think for ourselves, if we're unwilling to question authority, then we're just putty in the hands of those in power. But if the citizens are educated and form their own opinions, then those in power work for us. In every country, we should be teaching our children the scientific method and the reasons for a Bill of Rights... In the demon-haunted world that we inhabit by virtue of being human, this may be all that stands between us and the enveloping darkness." -- Carl Sagan

"Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river." -- Haitian proverb

"We must, however, acknowledge, as it seems to me, that man with all his noble qualities... still bears in his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origin." -- Charles Darwin

"Where did this idea come from that everybody deserves free education? Free medical care? Free whatever? It comes from Moscow. From Russia. It comes straight out of the pit of hell." -- Debbie Riddle (R), Texas House of Representatives

"I'm glad some people have that faith. I don't have that faith. If there is a God, a caring God, then we have to figure he's done an extraordinary job of making a very cruel world." -- Dave Matthews

"He that promises most will perform least." -- Gaelic proverb

"'Tis strange what a man may do and a woman yet think him an angel." -- William Makepeace Thackeray

"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy." -- James Madison

"The purpose of separation of church and State is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries." -- James Madison

"It is a universal truth that the loss of liberty at home is to be charged to the provisions against danger, real or pretended, from abroad." -- James Madison

"We are right to take alarm at the first experiment upon our liberties." -- James Madison

"In no instance have... the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people." -- James Madison

"And I have no doubt that every new example will succeed, as every past one has done, in showing that religion and Government will both exist in greater purity, the less they are mixed together" -- James Madison

"The means of defense against foreign danger historically have become the instruments of tyranny at home." -- James Madison

"Who does not see that the same authority which can establish Christianity, in exclusion of all other religions, may establish with the same ease any particular sect of Christians, in exclusion of all other sects?" -- James Madison

"Those who do not move, do not notice their chains." -- Rosa Luxemburg

"If the young only knew; if the old only could." -- French proverb

"If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The chain reaction of evil... wars producing more wars... must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights." -- Smedley Butler

"War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious." -- General Smedley Butler

"Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly." -- Senator Robert M. La Follette

I hope that mankind will at length, as they call themselves responsible creatures, have the reason and sense enough to settle their differences without cutting throats." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate." -- Thomas della Peruta

"What a cruel thing is war... to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world." -- Robert E. Lee

"War is a way of shattering to pieces materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable and too intelligent." -- George Orwell

"How could man rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men?" -- Lao Tzu

"Any excuse will serve a tyrant." -- Aesop

"All war is based on deception." -- Sun Tzu

"Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself." -- Lao Tzu

"The state has, in order to control us, introduced division into our thinking, so that we come to distrust others and look to the state for protection." -- Butler Shaffer

"There is nothing more frightening than active ignorance." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"I'm afraid, based on my own experience, that fascism will come to America in the name of national security." -- Jim Garrison

"In order to rally people, governments need enemies...if they do not have a real enemy, they will invent one in order to mobilize us." -- Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk

"If my soldiers were to begin to think, not one of them would remain in the army." -- Frederick the Great

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it." -- Oscar Wilde

"Patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind." -- Julius Caesar

"How strangely will the Tools of a Tyrant pervert the plain Meaning of Words!" -- Samuel Adams

"When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader." -- Plato

"Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock." -- Sigmund Freud

"I abhor war and view it as the greatest scourge of mankind." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The most successful war seldom pays for its losses." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Strike against war, for without you no battles can be fought!" -- Helen Keller

"War against a foreign country only happens when the moneyed classes think they are going to profit from it." -- George Orwell

"Every war when it comes, or before it comes, is represented not as a war but as an act of self-defense against a homicidal maniac." -- George Orwell

"No matter what political reasons are given for war, the underlying reason is always economic." -- A. J. P. Taylor

"The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Conflict cannot survive without your participation." -- Dr. Wayne Dyer

"All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting." -- George Orwell

"It's one thing to fight for what you believe in, another thing to fight for what others believe in." -- James Wolcott

"We have met the enemy and he is us." -- Walt Kelly

"In war, we always deform ourselves, our essence." -- Chris Hedges

"Historically God has used blacks to be slaves of blacks and blacks to be slaves of whites." -- Pat Pace

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"New Rule: All Fox News employees must now refer to President Bush as "my liege". If they are going to treat President Bush like he's an infallible king, they need to start addressing him as if he was an infallible king. And they can do this by addressing him as "my liege"." -- Bill Maher

"We live in a world of guided missiles and misguided men." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The mind is like a lake lashed into waves. Make the water of the lake clear and calm." -- Swami Prabhavananda

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -- Dean Martin

"Why do the right wing media so assiduously scrutinize the words of a grief filled mother and ignore the words of a lying president?" -- Cindy Sheehan, mother of a US Marine killed in Iraq

"You call yourself a christian, I call you a hypocrite. You call yourself a patriot, I think you're full of shit." -- The Rolling Stones, from the song "Sweet Neo Con"

"Oooh, I fucking hate treadmills. I have this belief that if you run, when you get done, you should be somewhere else." -- Lewis Black

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier. Just as long as I'm the dictator." -- George Bush, during his first trip to Washington DC as President-Elect, Dec. 18, 2000

"I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it." -- Winston Churchill

"It's my duty to fight those who have chosen to belong to the party of death, those who say they receive their orders from God somewhere and believe they have a duty to set the world on fire to achieve their own salvation." -- Wole Soyinka

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than he who conquers his enemies, for the hardest victory is the victory over self." -- Aristotle

"Don't take life too seriously, Doc. You'll never get out alive." -- Bugs Bunny

"What I think the president (Clinton) ought to do is he ought to get on the phone with the OPEC cartel and say we expect you to open your spigots. One reason why the price is so high is because the price of crude oil has been driven up. OPEC has gotten its supply act together, and it's driving the price, like it did in the past. And the president of the United States must jawbone OPEC members to lower the price." -- George Bush, GOP Primary Debate, Manchester, NH, 1/26/2000

"I wish I could simply wave a magic wand and lower gas prices tomorrow. I'd do that." -- George Bush, 4/20/2005

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." -- Bertrand Russell

"The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." -- Thomas Jefferson (letter to J. Adams April 11,1823)

"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes." - Mel Brooks

"A government that terrorizes its own people can never stop. If such a government ever lets the fear subside and rational thought return to the populace, that government is finished." -- Michael Rivero

"Is there water still on Mars? I don't have a view on that because we don't have good data to answer that question. One of the biggest mistakes you can make if you're a scientist is to think you know the answer, or wish for a certain answer, before you actually have it." -- Professer Steven Squyres, NASA's Science Project Leader for rovers "Spirit" and "Opportunity"

"I asked God if it was a sin and he didn't say anything." -- Ernestine L. Rose

"A central lesson of science is that to understand complex issues (or even simple ones), we must try to free our minds of dogma and to guarantee the freedom to publish, to contradict, and to experiment. Arguments from authority are unacceptable." -- Carl Sagan

"When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow." -- Anais Nin

"Freedom had been hunted round the globe; reason was considered as rebellion; and the slavery of fear had made men afraid to think. But such is the irresistible nature of truth, that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing." -- Thomas Paine

"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend. You used up all of that. You can't start another war because you also used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Yeah, listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit card's maxed out, and no one is speaking to you: mission accomplished! Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service. And the oil company. And the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman?!" -- Bill Maher

"The pioneers of a warless world are the youth that refuse military service." -- Albert Einstein

"There is no such thing as separation of church and state. It is merely a figment of the imagination of infidels." -- W.A. Criswell, Pastor, Dallas 1st Baptist Church, taped interview at the Republican National Convention (9/6/84)

"Yes, we have a bias, a bias to be true to the evidence. But the evidence cannot speak to those who will not look at it." -- Mark Isaak, biologist, commenting on how I.D. supporters ignore scientific evidence that contradicts the bible.

"Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge." -- Winston Churchill

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey

"When I, or people like me, are running the country, you'd better flee, because we will find you, we will try you, and we'll execute you. I mean every word of it. I will make it part of my mission to see to it that they are tried and executed." -- Randall Terry, on doctors who perform abortions.

"Women have babies and men provide the support. If you don't like the way we're made you've got to take it up with God." -- Phyllis Schlafly

"When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil." -- Gary Potter, president of Catholics for Christian Political Action

"The long-term goal of Christians in politics should be to gain exclusive control over the franchise. Those who refuse to submit publicly to the eternal sanctions of God by submitting to His Church's public marks of the covenant; baptism and holy communion; must be denied citizenship, just as they were in ancient Israel." -- Gary North - Political Polytheism: The Myth of Pluralism, Tyler, TX: Institute for Christian Economics, 1989, p. 87

"Do, the stuff that buys me beer; Re, the guy who sells me beer; Mi, the guy who drinks the beer; Fa, a long way to get beer; So I think I'll have a beer; La, la la la la la beer; Ti, no thanks, I'll have a beer; Do, which brings us back to beer!" -- Homer Simpson

"If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"Religions can be likened to Rat Poison, 99% sweet cookie, 1% arsenic...and 1% arsenic kills...Most religions give you 99% truths and feel good messages....but the 1% lies can kill you" -- Vendyl Jones

"...there are still truths in the Bible and many other ancient texts despite what religions have done to destroy and debase them. Religious dogma and myth have been used very successfully either to supress understanding or to twist the truth sufficiently to turn something postive into something negative." -- David Icke - The Robot's Rebellion

"He that writes to himself writes to an eternal public." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish." -- Albert Einstein

"I still live, I still think: I still have to live, for I still have to think." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It's much harder to be a Liberal than a Conservative. Why? Because it's easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand." -- Mike Royko

"Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings?" -- Diogenes

"One may view the history of philosophy as a history of heresy." -- Walter Kaufmann

"Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble." -- Dennis Fakes

"I'd rather be right than consistent." -- Winston Churchill

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism" -- Thomas Jefferson

"You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?" -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else." -- Judy Garland

"If I could say it in words there would be no reason to paint." -- Edward Hopper, American Painter (1882 - 1967)

"For what has made the sage or poet write, but the fair paradise of Nature's light?" -- Keats; I Stood Tip-Toe

"I grew up on a farm in Georgia... and when you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule." -- Neal Horsley, Conservative Republican radio personality

"It wasn't, 'We the conglomerates'. It wasn't, 'We the corporations'. It was, 'We the people'." -- Al Gore, quoted by the Philadelphia Daily News

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up." -- Mark Twain

"The best protection any woman can have... is courage." -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton, women's rights activist (1815 - 1902)

"However much the creationist leaders might hammer away at their scientific and philosophical points, they would be helpless and a laughing-stock if that were all they had. It is religion that recruits their squadrons. Tens of millions of Americans, who neither know nor understand the actual arguments for - of even against - evolution, march in the army of the night, their Bibles held high. And they are a strong and frightening force, impervious to, and immunized against, the feeble lance of mere reason." -- Isaac Asimov

"You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was." -- Irish proverb

"You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that!" -- Stewie Griffin, from "The Family Guy"

"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge." -- Bertrand Russell

"If complex organisms demand an explanation, so does a complex designer. And it's no solution to raise the theologian's plea that God (or the Intelligent Designer) is simply immune to the normal demands of scientific explanation. To do so would be to shoot yourself in the foot. You cannot have it both ways. Either ID belongs in the science classroom, in which case it must submit to the discipline required of a scientific hypothesis. Or it does not, in which case, get it out of the science classroom and send it back to church, where it belongs." -- Biologists Richard Dawkins and Jerry Coyne, from an article on www.theage.com.au.

"Art is a lie that makes us realize truth." -- Pablo Picasso, 1881-1973

"Each person must live their life as a model for others." -- Rosa Parks, 1913-2005

"Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself." -- Desiderius Erasmus, 1469-1536

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison

"Allow the President to invade a neighboring nation whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such purpose - and you allow him to make war at pleasure... The provision of the Constitution giving the war-making power to Congress, was dictated, as I understand it, by the following reasons: Kings had always been involving and impoverishing their people in wars, pretending generally, if not always, that the good of the people was the object. This, our Convention understood to be the most oppressive of all Kingly oppressions; and they resolved to frame the Constitution so that no one man should hold the power of bringing this oppression upon us. But your view destroys the whole matter, and places our President where kings have always stood." -- Abraham Lincoln, while serving in Congress

"True love doesn't come to you, it has to be inside you." -- Julia Roberts

"A proverb is no proverb to you until life has illustrated it." -- John Keats, 1795-1821

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." -- Paul Valery, 1871-1945

"Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it and, above all, accurately so they will be guided by its light." -- Joseph Pulitzer

"A deep wound that has bled for so long can be healed. From hate and evil a community of reconciliation can grow, which makes peace possible." -- Bishop Jochen Bohl, 10/30/2005, at the re-consectration of Dresden's rebuilt Frauenkirche Church, destroyed by Allied bombers in the firebombing of Dresden, Feb. 13-14, 1945.

"Brother will kill brother, spill blood across the land. Killing for religion, something I don't understand. Fools like me who cross the sea and come to foreign lands, ask the sheep for their beliefs; 'Do you kill on God's command?'" -- Dave Mustaine, from the song "Holy Wars"

"Uh, excuse me.... I just wanted to ask a question. What does God need with a starship?" -- Capt. James Tiberius Kirk, Star Trek V

"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." -- Dale Carnegie

"Mere factual innocence is no reason not to carry out a death sentence properly reached." -- Antonin Scalia

"I'm proud to be American and I hate Arabs and I always have." -- Colin Zaremba, 19, 09/13/2001

"You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul." -- George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950

"I will make a bargain with the Republicans. If they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them." -- Adlai Stevenson

"In this world of sin and sorrow, there is always something to be thankful for. As for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican." -- H. L. Mencken

"I suppose I can understand the callous, selfish disregard of the conservatives. It is their pride in it that passes me by." -- Rack Jite

"Reality can destroy the dream; why shouldn't the dream destroy reality?" -- George Moore, English Philosopher, 1873-1958

"Perfection itself is imperfection." -- Vladimir Horowitz, American pianist, 1903-1989

"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate." -- Sigmund Freud

"May the son of Charles Darwin send you one word of warm encouragement. To state that which is true cannot be irreligious." -- Leonard Darwin, in a letter to John Scopes

"I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

"Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win." -- Nadia Comaneci, Romainian gymnast

"I would rather have a good plan today than a perfect plan two weeks from now." -- General George S. Patton

"A hypothesis asks whether something is true or false. Evolution is more than a hypothesis because there is proof." -- Monsignor Gianfranco Basti

"Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get." -- George Bernard Shaw

"One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done." -- Marie Curie

"The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven." -- John Milton, English Poet (1608 CE - 1674 CE)

"Be so true to thyself, as thou be not false to others." -- Francis Bacon

"It's not terribly fun defending you (oil companies), but I do." -- Senator Larry Craig (R-ID)

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Nature uses as little as possible of anything." -- Johannes Kepler (1571-1630)

"Inside us there is something that has no name, that something is what we are." -- Jose Saramago, Portuguese novelist

"It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear." -- Norm Peterson

"I like guys who've never been there (combat) to criticize us who've been there. I like guys who got five deferments and never been there, and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done." -- Rep. John Murtha (D-PA)

"There is no god higher than truth." -- Mahatma Ghandi

"Once your right to freedom is lost, the cost to regain it will be the blood of your children." -- Selwyn Johnston, Austrailian politician

"When the People fear the Government, you have tyranny. When the Government fears the People, you have liberty." -- Thomas Jefferson

"What Government is best? That which teaches us to govern ourselves." -- Goethe

"The world is run by very intelligent people who are pulling one on us, or by imbeciles who mean what they say." -- Mark Twain

"Egotism is nature's compensation for mediocrity." -- L.A. Safian

"Choices always were a problem for you. What you need is someone strong to guide you. Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow, what you need is someone strong to use you..." -- Tool, from the song "Opiate"

"I cherish the greatest respect towards everybody's religious obligations, no matter how comical." -- Herman Melville

"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." -- Heather Whitestone (AL), Miss America 1995, answering the question "If you could live forever, would you and why?"

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me." -- Isaac Newton

"No great discovery was ever made without a bold guess." -- Isaac Newton

"If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants." -- Isaac Newton

"One of these days, Alice! One of these days! POW! Right in the kisser!" -- Ralph Cramden

"The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control, and outnumbers both of the other classes." -- Aristotle

"We have concluded that "Intelligent Design" is not science, and moreover that ID cannot uncouple itself from its creationist, and thus religious, antecedents." -- U.S. District Judge John Jones

"To be sure, Darwin's theory of evolution is imperfect. However, the fact that a scientific theory cannot yet render an explanation on every point should not be used as a pretext to thrust an untestable alternative hypothesis grounded in religion into the science classroom or to misrepresent well-established scientific propositions." -- U.S. District Judge John Jones

"Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." -- Will Rogers

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner

"Ye follow an empty rumour and make a Christ for yourselves. If he was born and lived somewhere he is entirely unknown." -- Trypho, Jewish historian

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes." -- Mark Twain

"We living things are a late outgrowth of the metabolism of our galaxy. The carbon that enters into our composition was cooked in a remote past in a dying star. The waters of ancient seas set the pattern of ions in our blood. The ancient atmospheres moulded our metabolism." -- George Wald, Biologist

"The easiest kind of relationship is with ten thousand people, the hardest is with one." -- Joan Baez

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." -- Douglas Adams

"The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." -- Mahatma Ghandhi

"I tend to wonder what keeps you guys (Christians) believing, rather than what stopped me from doing so." -- Tim, BaptistWatch forum contributor

"And yet we have brave men and women who are willing to step forward because they know what's at stake. They're willing to sacrifice their lives for this great country. What I'm asking all of you tonight is not to put on a uniform. Put on a bumper sticker." -- Rick Santorum, Chickenhawk first class

"When the President does it, that means it is not illegal." -- Richard Nixon, 1977

"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle." -- Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898)

"Music is only love looking for words." -- Lawrence Durrell

"We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself." -- Lloyd Alexander

"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love." -- Bryant H. McGill

"Come meet your maker, boy, there's some things you can’t enjoy. Because of heaven/hell, a fucking wives’ tale. They put it in your head, then put you in your bed. He’s watching, say your prayers, 'cause God is everywhere." -- Phillip Anselmo, Pantera, from the song "Hostile"

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." -- Thomas Merton

"Growth, in some curious way, I suspect, depends on being always in motion just a little bit, one way or another." -- Norman Mailer

"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner." -- Tallulah Bankhead

"True friends stab you in the front." -- Oscar Wilde

"There are only two types of women - goddesses and doormats." -- Pablo Picasso

"People are saying that this is the worst time to be a child. That's bullshit! EVERYTIME is the worst time to be a child because adults never know shit!" -- Lewis Black

"Religion is just mind control." -- George Carlin

"Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with." -- George Carlin

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -- George Carlin

"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans." -- George Carlin

"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic." -- George Carlin

"Electricity is really just organized lightning." -- George Carlin

"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." -- George Carlin

"The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music." -- George Carlin

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people." -- Unknown

"Knowledge has to be improved, challenged, and increased constantly, or it vanishes." -- Peter F. Drucker

"I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day." -- James Joyce

"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." -- Rebecca West, early American feminist, 1792

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something." -- Plato

"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." -- Albert Pine

"I owned the world that hour as I rode over it. Free of the Earth, free of the mountains, free of the clouds, but how inseparably I was bound to them." -- Charles Lindbergh, 1927

"One good thing about music, when it hits - you feel no pain." -- Bob Marley

"A mask tells us more than a face." -- Oscar Wilde

"What mean and cruel things men do for the love of God." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"When the strongest nation in the world can be tied up for years in a war with no end in sight, when the richest nation in the world can't manage its own economy, when the nation with the greatest tradition of the rule of law is plagued by unprecedented lawlessness, and when the President of the United States cannot travel abroad or to any major city at home without fear of a hostile demonstration - then it's time for new leadership for the United States of America." -- Richard Nixon, 1968

"I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better." -- Plutarch (46 - 119 CE)

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -- Charles Schultz

"Love of beauty is Taste. The creation of beauty is Art." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The human race has suffered for centuries and is still suffering from the mental disorder known as religion, and atheism is the only physician that will be able to effect a permanent cure." -- Joseph Lewis

"In this "sacred" book of family scandals we find filth, sex orgies, cannibalism, atrocities, sex perversions, incest, bloody violence unparalleled in any other chronicle in all the literature of the world. Fortunately, not one-third of the human family has ever heard of the Christian Bible; not one-tenth of the Christians have ever read it, and no two who have read it agree as to its meaning. Won't you help get this book out of the hands of our children, out of decent homes, and out of hotel and motel rooms?" -- Frank C. Hughes

"Intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but to quickly see how to make them good." -- Bertolt Brecht

"As a scientist, I'd like to say that the currently accepted scientific theory is evolution. But, some competing ideas have been proposed, such as ID and FSMism, and discussion to include one should include the other, as these ideas are equally valid." -- Mark Zurbuchen, Ph.D.

"Letting the religious right teach ID in schools is like letting the Marines teach poetry in advanced combat training. As a scientist, I see these the relevancy between the two sets to be equal. If Kansas is going to mess up like this, the least it can do is not be hypocritical and allow equal time for other alternative "theories" like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice." -- J. Simon, PhD

"O gentle son, Upon the heat and flame of thy distemper, Sprinkle cool patience." -- Queen Gertrude, "Hamlet" by William Shakespeare

"There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob." -- GK Chesterton

"A book is a gift you can open again and again." -- Garrison Keillor

"Men love to wonder and that is the seed of our science." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." -- Aldous Huxley

"A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer." -- Seneca

"Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening." -- Barbara Tober

"Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'." -- Michael McClary

"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." -- Steve Martin

"The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." -- Ronald Reagan

"Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with." -- Bob Wells

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." -- Douglas Adams

"When the politicians complain that TV turns the proceedings into a circus, it should be made clear that the circus was already there, and that TV has merely demonstrated that not all the performers are well trained." -- Edward R. Murrow

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -- Billy Crystal

"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." -- Umberto Eco

"Replace one worry with another. That's the secret to life." -- Charles Schulz

"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards." -- Oscar Wilde

"To send light into the darkness of men's hearts - such is the duty of the artist." -- Robert A. Schumann

"Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!" -- Amanda Bradley

"When you get around to scientifically proving that your god exists, you might then worry about scientifically proving what help his apparent opinions might give to the world's population. I'd get the superstition out of your beliefs first though." -- Tim, BaptistWatch forum contributor

"There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. Afterward you can remove all traces of reality." -- Pablo Picasso

"Doubt can only be removed by action." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday." -- Sir William Bragg

"The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more." -- Ed Parker

"Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless, and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful." -- Samuel Johnson

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, because that's where the fruit is." -- unknown

"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." -- Dame Edna Everage

"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain

"I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street." -- Virginia Woolf

"Nobody knows the age of the human race, buy everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better." -- Anonymous

"Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower." -- Steve Jobs

"Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream." -- Malcolm Muggeridge

"Every man must decide whether we will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"Alas, I see my initial worries about the current administration as the greatest betrayal in my whole life by my old pal pessimism. I attended the president's inauguration in 2001. When he took the presidential oath, I cried. What was I so afraid of? I was weeping because I was terrified that the new president would wreck the economy and muck up my drinking water. Isn't that adorable? I lacked the pessimistic imagination to dread that tens of thousands of human beings would be spied on or maimed or tortured or killed or stranded or drowned, thanks to his incompetence." -- Sarah Vowell, 2/19/06

"We should be eternally vigilant against attempts to check the expression of opinions that we loathe." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

"To have long term success as a coach in any position of leadership, you have to be obsessed in some way." -- Pat Riley

"Hell is other people." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth." -- Jewish Proverb

"In the 24th Century, there will be no more hunger, no more greed, and all children will be able to read." -- Gene Roddenberry

"Half-penny, two-penny, ashes to dust. The almighty dollar says 'In God We Trust'. Justice for money, how much more can I pay? We all know it’s the American Way." -- James Young

"Man once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind." -- Thomas Jefferson

"May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young." -- Bob Dylan

"Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in." -- Andrew Jackson

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." -- Albert Einstein

"And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them." -- Ezekiel 25:17

"Thinking is more interesting than knowing, but less interesting than looking." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."-- Albert Einstein

"Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be." -- Jim Horning

"It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them." -- Mark Twain

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." -- Jimmy Dean

"Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life." -- Aphra Behn

"What distinguishes modern art from the art of other ages is criticism." -- Octavio Paz

"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income." -- Errol Flynn

"Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true." -- Niels Bohr

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery." -- James Joyce

"If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." -- Anatole France

"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand." -- Bertrand Russell

"Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians." -- Jimmy Wales

"Try to learn something about everything and everything about something." -- Thomas H. Huxley

"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." -- Baltasar Gracian

"In the end, all the tough talk was reduced to 'I quit'. To borrow a phrase from Roberto Duran, 'No mas'. When a second aide to Congressman Tom DeLay plead guilty in the Abramhoff investigation and agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, Mr. DeLay suddenly became just another disgraced public servant who couldn't take the heat. DeLay is also under criminal indictment in a seperate case in Texas. He was known as 'The Hammer' when he was Majority Leader in the House. A big, tough-talking, strong-arm artist who could deliver votes to the Bush White House. He would strut around on Capitol Hill like a cocky little rooster. But today he slithered away from Congress to await his fate at the hands of the Criminal Justice System. Good riddance." -- Jack Cafferty

"People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get." -- Frederick Douglass

"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it." -- CP Snow

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks, and US Senators." -- Will Rogers

"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics." -- Fletcher Knebel

"The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." -- William James

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." -- William Dement

"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine." -- Rita Rudner

"The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it." -- Patrick Young

"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?" -- Henry Ward Beecher

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty'." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood." -- HL Mencken

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." -- Bertrand Russell

"So much of what we call 'management' consists in making it difficult for people to work." -- Peter Drucker

"The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him." -- Russell Baker

"How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"If there were no God, there would be no Atheists." -- GK Chesterton

"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true." -- Robert Wilensky

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." -- George Washington

"I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms... one third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence." -- Bobby Henderson

"Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears." -- Robert W. Sarnoff

"In my years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." -- John Adams

"At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political ideas." -- Aldous Huxley

"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." -- Samuel Johnson

"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well." -- Samuel Butler

"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around." -- Christina Stead

"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." -- George Bernard Shaw

"On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time." -- George Orwell

"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a close resemblance to the first." -- Ronald Reagan

"The decision to invade Iraq was done with a casualness and swagger that are the special province of those who have never had to execute these missions - or bury the results." -- General Gregory Newbold

"Our minds and hearts are free to believe everything or nothing at all - and it is our duty to protect and perpetuate this sacred culture of freedom." -- Thomas Jefferson

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age." -- George Burns

"One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget." -- Franklin P. Jones

"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim." -- Bertrand Russell

"Believe in me and send no money. I died on a cross, that ain't funny. But my so called friends, they're making me a joke. They missed out what I said like I never spoke. They choose what they want to hear, don't tell a lie. They just leave out the truth as they're watching you die. Saving your soul by taking your money. Flies around shit, bees around honey." -- Bruce Dickinson, Iron Maiden, from the song "Holy Smoke"

"If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs." -- Bill Maher

"Instant gratification takes too long." -- Carrie Fischer

"Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home." -- Bill Cosby

"The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything." -- Walter Bagehot

"New Rule: Since our new national position on science is, "Screw it, we prefer witchcraft," let's not just retire the Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's drive it to one of the five stupidest States and have the locals beat it with sticks. Putting it in a museum is too dangerous. Someone could steal it, fly it into space and notice we revolve around the sun." -- Bill Maher

"Though we may be innocent, we are all potentially guilty, because of the germ of self-sufficiency and arrogance in our nature." -- Oedipus

"We have two oil men in the White House. The logical follow up from that is $3 per gallon gasoline." -- Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)

"When it is dark and threatening, then keep the consciousness upon the future. We call the future a flying carpet. Teach children to fly high. Replace the legend of the ark with one about the airship." -- Hindu Master Morya

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." -- Steve Jobs

"Sanity is a madness put to good use." -- George Santayana

"Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some." -- Alfred Hitchcock

"Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face." -- National Lampoon

"It is valuable not only to strive forward but also to destroy the rubbish behind one. Just now you perceive how the majority of people could have advanced, but they cling to age-old rubbish." -- Hindu Master Morya

"It is essential to examine the programs of schools and to strengthen the line of authentic knowledge. Superstition drives people into the crevices of terror. This straightening out of school thinking must be attended to immediately, otherwise one more generation of brainless ones will disgrace the planet. Natural science must by augmented in cognition of the significance ot this term. Biology, astrophysics, chemistry, will attract the attention of the youngest child's brain." -- Hindu Master Morya

"Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats." -- Howard Aiken

"Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come." -- Carl Sandburg

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." -- Arthur Schopenhauer

"People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news." -- AJ Liebling

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis." -- Margaret Bonnano

"There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness." --Franz Kafka

"You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can paint it." -- Charles Haddon Spurgeon

"This is our government at work, and unfortunately it is run by Republicans." -- Pat Robertson, quoted by the Manassas Journal Messenger

"He's the right man, at this critical moment in our nation's history." -- George W. Bush, nominating Gen. Michael Hayden as CIA Director, after the resignation of Porter Goss, May 5, 2006

"He's the right man, at this critical moment in our nation's history." -- George W. Bush, nominating Porter Goss as CIA Director, after the resignation of George Tenet, Aug. 11, 2004

"We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter." -- Denis Diderot

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." -- Woody Allen

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." -- George Orwell (1903-1950)

"A truth's initial commotion is directly proportional to how deeply the lie was believed. It wasn't the world being round that agitated people, but the fact that the world wasn't flat. When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic." -- Dresden James

"Strange times are these in which we live when old and young are taught in falsehood's school, and the one man that dares to tell the truth is called at once a lunatic and fool." -- Plato

"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The people never give up their liberties... but under some delusion." -- Edmund Burke

"A tyranny based on deception and maintained by terror must inevitably perish from the poison it generates within itself." -- Albert Einstein

"Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there, and to be guided by truth as one sees it. But no one has a right to coerce others to act according to his own view of truth." -- Mahatma Gandhi

"There are people who think that everything one does with a serious face is sensible." -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record." -- Tom Masson

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -- Albert Einstein

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries." -- AA Milne

"I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell." -- Harry Truman

"There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers." -- William James

"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired." -- Jules Renard

"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." -- Jeannette Rankin

"Why should we set aside the global scientific consensus (on Global Warming)? Is it because Exxon Mobil wants us to set it aside? Why should we set aside the conclusion of scientists in the United States, including the National Academy of Sciences, and around the world including the 11 most important national academies of science on the globe and substitute for their view the view of Exxon Mobil. Why?" -- Al Gore, commenting on George W. Bush refusing to see his film on Global Warming, "An Inconvenient Truth".

"We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language." -- Oscar Wilde

"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot." -- Mark Twain

"Obsession, religious belief. Worshipped on Sunday, forgotten all week." -- Forbidden, from the song "One Foot In Hell"

"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business." -- Lenny Bruce

"Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to." -- H. Mumford Jones

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." -- Phyllis Diller

"Some for renown, on scraps of learning dote, and think they grow immortal as they quote." -- Edward Young

"Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source." -- Ron Nesen

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible." -- George Burns

"Let not the sands of time get in your lunch." -- National Lampoon

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting." -- Charles Bukowski

"Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you." -- Oscar Wilde

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." -- Mark Twain

"The more things change, the more they remain... insane." -- Michael Fry and T. Lewis

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time." -- Thomas Merton

"After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager'." -- William S. Burroughs

"We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming." -- Don Delillo

"The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." -- Doug Larson

"Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible." -- Stanislaw Lem

"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages." -- HL Mencken

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." -- Will Rogers

"The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." -- William Wordsworth

"Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did." -- Sarah Caldwell

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her." -- Agatha Christie

"Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors." -- Confucius (551BCE - 479BCE)

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent." -- Aldous Huxley

"I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking." -- Katherine Cebrian

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it." -- Jane Wagner

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." -- Dorothy Parker

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." -- Steven Wright

"Men, it has been well said, think in herds; it will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one." -- Charles Mackay

"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." -- Voltaire

"We do what we must, and call it by the best names." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers." -- Dave Berry

"Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on Earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth." -- Katherine Mansfield

"A great leader's courage to fulfill gis vision comes from passion, not position." -- John Maxwell

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." -- Maria Robinson

"What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Ann Coulter is either a very devious, liberal performance artist or mentally ill. There is no middle ground." -- Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian

"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." -- Thomas Carlyle

"If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything." -- Bill Lyon

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." -- Shel Silverstein

"Luck is what happens when preperation meets opportunity." -- Seneca

"Say what you will about the Ten Commandments. You must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them." -- H.L. Mencken

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe." -- Laurence J. Peter

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

"The moral arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"We don't have to settle for a Republican agenda that tells us we can find the money to give Paris Hilton more tax cuts, but we can't find enough to protect our ports or our railroads or our chemical plants or our borders. We don't have to settle for the closed-door deals that give billions to the HMO's when we're told that we can't do a thing for the 45 million uninsured or the millions more who can't pay their medical bills. And we don't have to settle for a Republican agenda that gives billions away to the oil companies and then tells us we can't invest in the renewable energy that will create jobs and lower gas prices and finally free us from our dependence on the oil wells of Saudi Arabia." -- Senator Barack Obama (D-IL)

"The deceitful misquoting of scientists to suit an anti-scientific agenda ranks among the many unchristian habits of fundamentalist authors." -- Richard Dawkins

"Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life." -- Sandra Carey

"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty." -- George Bernard Shaw

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks." -- Totie Fields

"A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong." -- Thomas Szasz

"If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone." -- John Maxwell

"Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults." -- Thomas Szasz

"One of the most important lessons that experience teaches is that, on the whole, success depends more upon character than upon either intellect or fortune." -- William Edward Hartpole Lecky

"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates." -- Jay Leno

"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." -- Tallulah Bankhead

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth." -- George Burns

"You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong." -- Johann von Neumann

"An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living." -- Nicholas Chamfort

"To sin is a human business, to justify sins is a devilish business." -- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

"It should make people nervous when non-transparent regimes, that have announced that they've got nuclear warheads, fire missiles. This is not the way you conduct business in the world. This is not the way that peaceful nations conduct their affairs." -- George W. Bush (is he talking about North Korea, or the USA???)

“It does not require many words to speak the truth.” -- Chief Joseph Nez Perce

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." -- Phyllis Diller

"CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn't want to give up power." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"Justice and power must be brought together, so that whatever is just may be powerful, and whatever is powerful may be just." -- Blaise Pascal (1623 CE - 1662 CE)

"Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable." -- Oscar Wilde

"Everything is the product of one universal creative effort. There is nothing dead in Nature." -- Seneca

"By nature we have no defect that could not become a strength, no strength that could not become a defect." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Enthusiasm is excitement with inspiration, motivation, and a pinch of creativity." -- Bo Bennett

"The sentiment of justice is so natural, and so universally acquired by all mankind, that it seems to be independant of all law, all party, all religion." -- Voltaire

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has." -- Will Rogers

"Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry." -- George Ade

"Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others." -- Edward Abbey

"Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so." -- Gore Vidal

"To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep." -- Joan Klempner

"One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say." -- Will Durant

"New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common." -- John Locke (1632 CE - 1704 CE)

"I keep the subject of my inquiry constantly before me, and wait till the first dawning opens gradually, by little and little, into a full and clear light." -- Isaac Newton

"The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced." -- Frank Zappa

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." -- Mark Twain

"Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who holds a low opinion of himself." -- Anthony Trollope

"I hunt deer because they aren't capable of higher forms of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away'. They are very much like the French in that way." -- Ted Nugent

"He knows all about art, but he doesn't know what he likes." -- James Thurber

"Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance; And toss them on the wheels of Chance." -- Juvenal

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." -- Alfred Hitchcock

"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams." -- Jeremy Irons

"Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true." -- HL Mencken

"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered." -- GK Chesterton

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose." -- Dolly Parton

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." -- Mark Twain

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again." -- Groucho Marx

"Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble." -- Samuel Johnson

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them." -- Bill Vaughan

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." -- Virginia Satir

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -- Agnes Repplier

"If there was nothing wrong in the world there wouldn't be anything for us to do." -- George Bernard Shaw

"If by a 'Liberal' they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people -- their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties -- someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what you mean by a 'Liberal', then I'm proud to say I'm a 'Liberal'." -- John F. Kennedy

"What's another word for Thesaurus?" -- Steven Wright

"People want economy and they will pay any price to get it." -- Lee Iacocca

"A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5 and ends giving $5 worth for $500." -- Benjamin H. Brewster

"There is no moral precept that does not have something inconvenient about it." -- Denis Diderot

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Surrealism is destructive, but it destroys only what it considers to be shackles limiting our vision." -- Salvador Dali

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." -- Confucius

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -- Malcolm Forbes

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." -- Audrey Hepburn

"An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides." -- John H. Patterson

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." -- Dorothy Nevill

"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets." -- Mel Brooks

"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." -- Groucho Marx

"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." -- Gracie Allen

"If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them." -- Isaac Asimov

"But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes." -- Benjamin Franklin

"New Rule: President Bush must stop acting like WE'RE the idiots. He gives speech after speech, and the theme is always the same; 'What part of freedom don't you get, you morons?'. I'll answer that for you Mr. President. The part where you give it to people by blowing them up." -- Bill Maher

"It is not true that equality is a law of nature. Nature has no equality. Its sovereign law is subordination and dependence." -- Marquis de Vauvenargues

"The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught." -- Marquis de Vauvenargues

"To achieve great things we must live as though we were never going to die." -- Marquis de Vauvenargues

"When a thought is too weak to be expressed simply, it should be rejected." -- Marquis de Vauvenargues

"Because of the Republicans, I'm not ashamed of being an American. I'm embarrassed!" -- Bill Maher

"Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed." -- I.F. Stone

"No man on Earth has less taste or talent for criticism than myself, and the least and last of all should I undertake to criticize works on the Apocalpyse. It was between fifty and sixty years since I read it and then I considered it as merely the ravings of a maniac, no more worthy, nor capable of explanation than the incoherence of our own nightly dreams." -- Thomas Jefferson, on the Book of Revelations, "Thomas Jefferson: In His Own Words", page 360

"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." -- Margaret Halsey

"Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office." -- David Broder

“For me, it is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” -- Carl Sagan

“Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?” -- Epicurus

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.” -- Mark Twain

"By seeking and blundering we learn." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power." -- Eric Hoffer

"An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly." -- Edwin P. Whipple

"Many would be cowards if they had the courage enough." -- Thomas Fuller

"In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes." -- Mogens Jallberg

"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'" -- Sam Levenson

"Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake." -- EM Forster

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything." -- Frank Dane

"To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. The first disipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter." -- Aleister Crowley

"Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there." -- Scott Adams

"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." -- Lynda Barry

"All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance." -- Edward Gibbon

"Don't wait. The time will never be just right." -- Napoleon Hill

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." -- Andre Gide

"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; life life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think." -- Horace (65BCE - 8BCE)

"Remember your humanity and forget the rest." -- Albert Einstein

"The true delight is in the finding out rather than in the knowing." -- Isaac Asimov

"Love beauty; it is the shadow of God on the Universe." -- Gabriela Mistral

"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves." -- Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space, 1994

"It takes a long time to grow young." -- Pablo Picasso

"Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously." -- Oscar Wilde

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government." -- Edward Abbey

"Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless." -- Jamie Paolinetti

"The more things you do, the more you can do." -- Lucille Ball

"If you live among wolves you have to howl like a wolf." -- Russian Proverb

"A life of pleasure makes even the strongest mind frivolous at last." -- Edward Bulwer-Lytton

"I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty." -- Nancy Reagan

"Living hell is the best revenge." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff

"In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known." -- Thomas Pickering

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called 'Everybody', and they meet at the bar." -- Drew Carey

"The problem with the designated driver program is that it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." -- Jeff Foxworthy

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base." -- Dave Barry

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" -- Paula Poundstone

"Bigamy is having one spouse too many. Monogamy is the same." -- Oscar Wilde

"Do you know what they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken." -- Author unknown, presumed deceased

"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer." -- W.C. Fields

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn

"On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away." -- Tom Lehrer

"Never tell everything at once." -- Ken Venturi

"The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish." -- Robert Jackson

"Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?" -- Greta Garbo

"I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe." -- Richard Gere

"There are no such things as applied sciences, only applications of sciene." -- Louis Pasteur

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." -- Buddha

"There was no cure for the human condition because every man read the present and plotted the future in the light of his own past." -- Morris West, "The Salamander"

"Nothing external to you has any power over you." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." -- Mark Twain

"Those who do not read are no better off than those who cannot." -- Proverb

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss

"If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind." -- John Stuart Mill

"Single acts of tyranny may be ascribed to accidental opinion of the day; but a Series of oppressions, begun at a distinguished period, and pursued unalterably through every change of ministers plainly proves a deliberate, systematic plan of reducing us to slavery." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience." -- George Washington

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation. It is better to be alone than in bad company." -- George Washington

"When we assumed the Soldier, we did not lay aside the Citizen." -- George Washington

"'Tis our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliances with any portion of the foreign world." -- George Washington

"In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain." -- Pliny the Elder

"If you trust Google more than your doctor then maybe it's time to switch doctors." -- Jadelr and Cristina Cordova

"It matters not what a person is born, but who they choose to be." -- Joanne Kathleen Rowling

"If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin." -- Rep. Kathrine Harris (R-FL)

"Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the family room talking about many things. The idea of a living will came up and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine, and fluids from a bottle. If I ever come to that just pull the plug.' She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer. Bitch." -- author unknown

"God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless." -- Chester W. Nimitz

"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is." -- PJ O'Rourke

"Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what has happened." -- Proverb

"We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof, and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear - one, of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of un-reason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men; Not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate, and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular." -- Edward R. Murrow, 1954

"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind." -- Albert Einstein

"Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields." -- Peter Bordon

"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects." -- Lester B. Pearson

"The worst thing about Europe is that you can't go out in the middle of the night and get a Slurpee." -- Tellis Frank

"You are a little soul carrying around a corpse." -- Epictetus, 55 CE - 135 CE

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." -- Harriet Tubman 1820CE - 1913CE

"The 9/11 terrorist attack was a faith-based initiative." -- Dan Barker, Freedom From Religion Foundation

"You will never change your life until you change something you do daily." -- Mike Murdock

"When you play music you discover a part of yourself that you never knew existed." -- Bill Evans

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Joanne Kathleen Rowling

"We love death. The U.S. loves life. That is the big difference between us." -- Osama bin Laden, October 2001

"Now, now, dear man, this is not the time to be making enemies." -- Voltaire, when asked to renounce Satan on his deathbed.

"We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment." -- Robert Benchley

"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?" -- Woody Allen

"If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else." -- Marvin Gaye

"Patience, persistence, and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success." -- Napoleon Hill

"Tell a devout Christian that frozen yogurt can make a man invisible, and he is likely to require as much evidence as anyone else, and to be persuaded only to the extent that you give it. Tell him that the book he keeps by his bed was written by an invisible deity who will punish him with fire for eternity if he fails to accept its every incredible claim about the universe, and he seems to require no evidence whatsoever." -- Sam Harris

"Do you really mean the only reason you try to be good is to gain God's approval and reward? That's not morality, that's just sucking up." -- Richard Dawkins

"The beauty of a statue is in its outward form; of a man in his conduct." -- Demophilus

"Keep five yards from a carriage, ten yards from a horse, and a hundred yards from an elephant; but the distance one should keep from a wicked man cannot be measured." -- Hindu proverb

"Beware lest in your anxiety to avoid war you obtain a master." -- Demosthenes

"The easiest thing of all is to deceive one's self; for what a man wishes he generally believes to be true." -- Demosthenes

"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present." -- Barbara De Angelis

"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." -- B.F. Skinner

"People say they love truth, but in reality they want to believe that which they love is true." -- Robert J. Ringer

"Blind faith in bad leaders is not patriotism." -- Rocky Anderson

"You can't think about things you want to change. Just be yourself." -- Ethan Embry

"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." -- Oscar Wilde

"What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to." -- Hansell B. Duckett

"What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen?" -- Evelyn Waugh

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift." -- Steve Prefontaine

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either." -- Dick Cavett

"You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play." -- Warren Beatty

"Old age is the most unexpected of things that happen to a man." -- Leon Trotsky

"I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run." -- Babe Ruth

"A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping." -- Kenneth Tynan

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." -- Mel Brooks

"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion, rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science." -- Gary Zukav

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." -- Benjamin Franklin

"I had an epiphany a few years ago where I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends." -- Moby

"Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest." -- Hermann Hesse

"Read over your composistions, and wherever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out." -- Samuel Johnson

"In politics, absurdity is not a handicap." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not." -- Bill Maher

"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect." -- George Burns

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." -- Jane Austen

"Torture continues to be practiced around the world by rogue regimes whose cruel methods match their determination to crush the human spirit." -- George W. Bush in 2003, approx. 1 year before it is discovered that Bush ordered detainees in American custody to be tortured for information.

"For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong." -- H.L. Mencken

"If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done." -- Ludwig Wittgenstein

"Where facts are few, experts are many." -- Donald R. Gannon

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" -- Charles Schulz

"First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time." -- Honore de Balzac

"A poem is no place for an idea." -- Edgar Watson Howe

"No wise man ever wished to be younger." -- Jonathan Swift

"Who is more busy that he who hath least to do?" -- John Clarke

"Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothings that it takes in." -- Leonardo da Vinci

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." -- Robert Frost

"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something." -- Mitch Hedberg

"The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back." -- Franklin P. Jones

"A year ago when I presented my plan for Iraq, I did it to provide leadership and protect our troops. The Republicans have spent their time name-calling while the situation for our troops in Iraq gets worse. They've tried to smear me, other veterans, Democrats, you and anybody who stands up to them. Well, let me say one thing right now: screw them. Those gravestones at Arlington cemetery don't say Democrat or Republican on them. We are all patriots." -- John Murtha

"I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." -- George Carlin

"Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man." -- Bertrand Russell

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys it's own special laws." -- Douglas Adams

"No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the offcious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets." -- Edward Abbey

"They always talk who never think." -- Matthew Prior

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who ge on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." -- George Bernard Shaw

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." -- Terry Pratchett

"Never have children, only grandchildren." -- Gore Vidal

"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature." -- Kin Hubbard

"The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come." -- Peter Ustinov

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about." -- Albert Einstein

"The least of learning in done in the classrooms." -- Thomas Merton

"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life." -- George Burns

"Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too." -- Lichty and Wagner

"All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often." -- Stanislaw J. Lec

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up becuase by that time I was too famous." -- Robert Benchley

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." -- Henry David Thoreau

"A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation." -- Adlai Stevenson

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized that there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped there wasn't an afterlife." -- Douglas Adams

"Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves." -- Rudyard Kipling

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." -- Dylan Thomas

"Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest." -- Alexandre Dumas

"I'm here to tell you we're going to stay the course." -- George W. Bush, Nov. 28, 2003

"We've got to stay the course, and we will stay the course." -- George W. Bush, April 5, 2004

"The United States of America will stay the course." -- George W. Bush, Nov. 21, 2004

"We will stay the course; we will complete the job in Iraq." -- George W. Bush, Aug. 4, 2005

"We will stay the course; we will help this young Iraqi democracy succeed." -- George W. Bush, Aug. 31, 2006

"Listen, we've never been 'stay the course'." -- George W. Bush, Oct. 22, 2006

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'" -- Charles M. Schulz

"She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table." -- Henry James

"The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin." -- Heinrich Heine

"Reason is the first victim of strong emotion." -- Frank Herbert, from the novel "Dune Messiah"

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." -- George Burns

"Do you ever think about the way I caught the rainbow? I'll be there when fire makes you dance. I'm gonna give you the look that opens up the skies, I've got Evil Eyes." -- Ronnie James Dio

"They're all crazy. They're all crazy except you and me. Sometimes I have my doubts about you." -- Garrett Fort, from the 1931 film "Dracula"

"The cycle of preventative wars, of unilateralism, has ended in a great failure that even the American public has acknowledged." -- Massimo D'Alema, Italian foreign minister, after the 2006 US mid-term elections

"Now watch what you say, or they'll be calling you a radical, a Liberal, fanatical, criminal. Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable." -- Supertramp, "The Logical Song"

"You can sail in the desert with a ship of fools. You can smuggle in Moses and his book of rules. But you can't take a mother and give her back her son. What kind of freedom is bought with a gun? People like to build their prison walls when they're afraid to look inside... a thousand points of light are the muzzle flashes in the night. And the freedoms you profess to hold won't bring the dead back from the cold." -- Bruce Dickinson, "1000 Points Of Light"

"Make no judgments where you have no compassion." -- Anne McCaffrey

"From my point of view, I would ban religion completely. Organized religion doesn't seem to work. It turns people into really hateful lemmings and it's not really compassionate." -- Elton John

"It’s about time we start criticizing faith.” -- Richard Dawkins

"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.” -- Jerry Falwell

“I had a student ask me, "Could the savior you believe in save Osama bin Laden?" Of course, we know the blood of Jesus Christ can save him, and then he must be executed.” -- Jerry Falwell

“The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.” -- Jerry Falwell (Actually, it was the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution)

"If it's really true that the museum at Liberty University has dinosaur fossils which are labeled as being 3000 years old, then that is an educational disgrace. It is debauching the whole idea of a university. And I would strongly encourage any members of Liberty University who may be here to leave and go to a proper university." -- Dr. Richard Dawkins, lecture at Randolph-Macon Woman's College, 10/23/2006

"We confide in our strength without boasting of it; we respect that of others, without fearing it." -- Thomas Jefferson, 1793

"Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things." -- Russell Baker

"We need a president who's fluent in at least one language." -- Buck Henry

"Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts." -- Martin Buxbaum

"President Bush went to Vietnam today... finally!" -- Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'" -- Bill Maher

"New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the Reverend Ted Haggard, was outed for drugs and extramarital gay sex with a male prostitute. Or as Fox News reported it, 'John Kerry hates our troops'." -- Bill Maher

"Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are just straight people who are sinning. They don't want to do it, but the Devil makes them! He targets people like Reverend Ted. That's how it happened. The Devil got hold of Reverend Ted, and Ted said, 'Get thee behind me, Satan! And put it in, gently'." -- Bill Maher

"Ideals pounded, what's wrong is right. Churches founded, with heaven in sight. Do unto them as they tell you to! How can the children believe this is true?" -- Forbidden, from the song "Twisted Into Form"

"No man remains quite what he was when he recognized himself." -- Thomas Mann

"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's." -- Oscar Wilde

"The actual tragedies of life bear no relation to one's preconceived ideas. In the event, one is always bewildered by their simplicity, their grandeur of design, and by that element of the bizzare which seems inherent in them." -- Jean Cocteau

"President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!" -- Elaine Boosler

"John McCain, who once called Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson 'forces of evil', has now come out for teaching intelligent design. That is sad, when smart people have to pretend to be so dumb to get elected." -- Bill Maher

"We have to, in the next ten years, begin to decrease the rate of carbon dioxide emissions and then flatten it out. If that doesn't happen in ten years, we're going to be passing certain tipping points. If the ice sheets begin to disintegrate, what can you do about it? You can't tie a rope around an ice sheet." -- James Hansen, NASA climate change scientist, from an interview on "60 Minutes"

"God is the Natural Laws, they are all around and always have been. They regulate the multi-faceted and intertwining mental, physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of humanity under all circumstances, at all times. They keep order in the Universe and safeguard the flower. They ensure your heart continues to beat while you sleep. They respond to the power of Love. There is nothing to fear except fear. Fear is the main weapon of theology." -- Seoc Colla, Contributor to "Mr. D's Skeptic Tank, Bravenet Message Forum

"If you cannot see your god in another human being, in the animals, the mountains, in the seasons or in the sky, then you will not see God in any 'holy' book. Dump your theologians and know God." -- Seoc Colla, Contributor to "Mr. D's Skeptic Tank", a Bravenet Message Forum

"The claims made about Iraq's WMD capabilities before the invasion were inaccurate, wrong, and in some cases, deliberately misleading." -- Colin Powell, Secretary of State, May 2004

"History might notice the invasion (of Iraq) has arguably acted as the best recruiting sergeant for al-Qa'ida ever." -- Col. Tim Collins, September 2005

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -- Bernard Bailey

"I hate music, especially when it's played." -- Jimmy Durante

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." -- Oscar Levant

“Our thinking is permeated by our historical myths” -- Freeman J. Dyson

"Violence will prevail over violence only when someone can prove to me that darkness can be dispelled by darkness." -- Mahatma Gandhi

"It takes no more time to see the good side of life than it takes to see the bad." -- Jimmy Buffet

"Listen Jesus to the warning I give. Please remember that I want us to live. But it's sad to see our chances weakening with every hour. All your followers are blind, too much heaven on their minds. It was beautiful, but now it's sour. Yes, it's all gone sour." -- Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Weber, Jesus Christ Superstar, from the song "Heaven On Their Minds"

"(Defense Secretary Donald) Rumsfeld and (Vice President Dick) Cheney and the president made a big mistake in justifying going into the war in Iraq." -- President Gerald Ford, 2004, speaking on the Iraq War

"They put the emphasis on weapons of mass destruction. And now, I've never publicly said I thought they made a mistake, but I felt very strongly it was an error in how they should justify what they were going to do." -- President Gerald Ford, speaking on the Iraq War

"I just don't think we should go hellfire damnation around the globe freeing people, unless it is directly related to our own national security." -- President Gerald Ford, speaking on the Iraq War

"He (former President Gerald Ford) made it very clear that he did not agree with the reasons President Bush laid out for the war, namely the belief that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq or that there was some obligation that the United States or the president had to expand democracy." -- Bob Woodward, speaking of his interview with President Gerald Ford

"Hearing voices can be a serious symptom of psychosis or neurological impairment. It shouldn't be taken lightly." -- Paul Fink, M.D., chairman of psychiatry at Albert Einstein Medical Center in Philadelphia.

"Learn a new language and get a new soul." -- Czech proverb

"God is not like men, who lie; He is not a human who changes his mind. Whatever he promises, he does; He speaks and it is done." -- Numbers 23:19

"So the Lord changed his mind and did not bring on his people the disaster he threatened." -- Exodus 32:14

"O Lord our God, help us tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it." -- Mark Twain, "The War Prayer"

"The right to criticize government is also an obligation to know what you are talking about." -- Lent Upson

"It seems to come down to a theist claiming 'I can’t think of how a (insert natural phenomenon here) could have happened, THEREFORE god must have done it'. If you see a magic trick done, most people would be tempted to think that they missed something rather than consider that they witnessed a supernatural event, but... some might not, especially if done at church." -- Tim, BaptistWatch contributor

"It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood, more vengeance, more desolation. War is hell.” -- Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman

"Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made." -- Otto von Bismarck

"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation." -- Kin Hubbard

"You must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"We are so fond of being out among Nature, because it has no opinions about us." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The few wonders of the world only exist while there are those with the sight to see them." -- Charles de Lint

"Some say God is living there (in Space). I was looking around very attentively, but I did not see anyone there. I did not detect either angels or gods. I don't believe in God. I believe in man - his strength, his possibilities, his reason." -- Gherman Titov, Soviet cosmonaut, The Seattle Daily Times, 5/7/1962

"Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth." -- Rex Stout

"When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest." -- William Hazlitt

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." -- EF Schumacher

"Even I felt sorry for Richard Nixon when he left. There's nothing you can do about being born Liberal; fish gotta swim and hearts gotta bleed." -- Molly Ivins

"We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war. Raise hell. Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous. Make our troops know we're for them and trying to get them out of there. Hit the streets to protest Bush's proposed surge. If you can, go to the peace march in Washington on Jan. 27. We need people in the streets, banging pots and pans and demanding, 'Stop it, now!'" -- Molly Ivins

"The trouble with blaming powerless people is that although it's not nearly as scary as blaming the powerful, it does miss the point. Poor people do not shut down factories... Poor people didn't decide to use 'contract employees' because they cost less and don't get any benefits." -- Molly Ivins

"Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to it's possessor unless it is kept under control." -- Don Marquis

"Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night." -- Phillip K. Dick

"Every piece of remotely responsible research that has been done in the last 20 years on this issue has shown there is no difference between children who are raised by same-sex parents and children who are raised by opposite-sex parents. What matters is that children are being raised in a stable, loving environment." -- Mary Cheney

"To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend." -- Jacques Derrida

"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault." -- Henry Kissinger

"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri." -- Douglas Adams

"Criticism is prejudice made plausible." -- HL Mencken

"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." -- John Andrew Holmes

"Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying." -- Ronald Reagan

"Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows." -- David T. Wolf

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." -- Oscar Wilde

"We had the Berlin Wall; we had walls everywhere. But we always looked at the wall as kind of like the outside of the wall is the enemy. Are we looking at Mexico as the enemy? No, it's not. These are our trading partners." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California

"Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things." -- Peter Drucker

"Physicists like to think that all you have to do is say, these are the conditions, now what happens next?" -- Richard Feynman

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues." -- Elizabeth Taylor

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel." -- Maya Angelou

"Posterity is as likely to be wrong as anyone else." -- Heywood Broun

"Pride is everything. If you didn't have pride in what you believed in, you'd be nothing." -- Jason Eccles

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams

"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -- Andy Rooney

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley

"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." -- Franklin P. Jones

"Silence is the virtue of fools." -- Sir Francis Bacon

"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." -- Edgar Wilson Nye

"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions." -- Cullen Hightower

"The Bush Administration actually said that those who were against the war might as well be for Saddam Hussein. You know what? That's bullshit, and that kind of crap has got to stop. I didn't fucking spend my time living thru the era of Viet Nam to fucking come around to this fucking time and not having learned that the god-damned situation boils down to this; If you're against the war, it doesn't mean that you're for the other side." -- Lewis Black

"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation." -- Bertrand Russell

"I am not young enough to know everything." -- Oscar Wilde

"I suppose I can understand the callous, selfish disregard of the conservatives. It is their pride in it that passes me by." -- Rack Jite

"The more they talk, the more being called a Liberal sounds like a compliment." -- Douglas Giles

"Republicans want to punish work and reward wealth; hence the high payroll tax and the low dividend tax. Said one Bush economic adviser, if we can't help wealthy investors and screw working people, what's the point in being a Republican?" -- Paul Begala

"No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other." -- Jascha Heifetz

"Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others." -- Samuel Johnson

"The power of hiding outselves from one another is mercifully given, for men are wild beasts, and would devour one another but for this protection." -- Henry Ward Beecher

"Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people." -- Kin Hubbard

"It was of course a lie what you read about my religious convictions; a lie which has been systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal god and I have never denied this, but have expressed this clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious, then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it." -- Albert Einstein

"The day will come when men will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race." -- Susan B. Anthony

"Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions." -- Thomas Jefferson

"While Secretary Rumsfeld and I have had our differences, he deserves Americans' respect and gratitude for his many years of public service." -- Senator John McCain, Nov. 2006

"I think that Donald Rumsfeld will go down in history as one of the worst secretaries of defense in history. We are paying a very heavy price for the mismanagement -- that's the kindest word I can give you -- of Donald Rumsfeld, of this war." -- Senator John McCain, Feb. 2007

"Unfortunately, Governor Bush is a Pat Robertson Republican who will lose to Al Gore." -- Senator John McCain, during the 2000 Republican Primaries, who could apparently tell the future.

"The only reason for time is so everything doesn't happen at once." -- Albert Einstein

"Technology adds nothing to art. Two thousand years ago, I could tell you a story, and at any point during the story I could stop, and ask, Now do you want the hero to be kidnapped, or not? But that would, of course, have ruined the story. Part of the experience of being entertained is sitting back and plugging into someone else's vision." -- Penn Jillette

"A poem is never finished, only abandoned." -- Paul Valery

"No good deed goes unpunished." -- Clare Booth Luce

"A cult is a religion with no political power." -- Tom Wolfe

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -- Lucille Ball

"It is a telling fact that, the world over, the vast majority of children follow the religion of their parents rather than any of the other available religions." -- Richard Dawkins

"It has been suggested that if the supernaturalists really had the powers they claim, they'd win the lottery every week. I prefer to point out that they could also win a Nobel Prize for discovering fundamental physical forces hitherto unknown to science." -- Richard Dawkins

"There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action." -- Bertrand Russell

"The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth." -- Charles Luckman

"What would you say if I'll be calling you a radical, a liberal, fanatical, criminal? Won't you sign up for me, we'd like you to be more acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegtable." -- Supertramp, "The Logical Song"

"In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you." -- Frank Wilczek

"The more things change, the more they remain... insane." -- Michael Fry and T. Lewis

"Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." -- Abraham Lincoln

"After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed." -- De La Lastra's Law

"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." -- Woody Allen

"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!" -- Tom Lehrer

"Raising children is like getting pecked to death by chickens." -- Author unknown

"We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have." -- Don Juan Manuel

"Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine." -- Fran Lebowitz

"The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated." -- H. L. Mencken

"I like the moment when I break a man's ego." -- Bobby Fischer, American Chess Grandmaster

"Wasn't the whole arena of religion big enough for you dickheads? No, no, that wasn't good enough. Now you've got to pretend to be science too. Well, you know, break out the lions, because it's time to bring back a good, proud, Roman tradition here. The god-freaks have officially forgotten their place in the world and it's time to thin the fucking herd." -- 2 the Ranting Gryphon, commenting on "Intelligent Design"

"Think about this my Christian friends... By saying religion is scientific enough to teach in science class, you're also saying that science is spiritual enough to teach in church. Whoa! Didn't think of that one, did ya? So I'll make you a deal. Keep your god out of science class, and we'll keep science out of your churches, OK? Sound good? Because even god gave people the choice to believe in him or not. And if that's good enough for god, then it should damn well be good enough for you." -- 2 the Ranting Gryphon, commenting on "Intelligent Design"

"Anything not worth doing is worth not doing well. Think about it." -- Elias Schwartz

"The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism." -- Norman Brenner

"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." -- GK Chesterton

"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works." -- John Gaule

"Every church pretends to have found the exact truth. This is the end of progress. Why pursue that which you have? Why investigate when you know? Every creed is a rock in running water: humanity sweeps by it. Every creed cries to the universe, "Halt!" A creed is the ignorant Past bullying the enlightened Present. The ignorant are not satisfied with what can be demonstrated. Science is too slow for them, and so they invent creeds. They demand completeness. A sublime segment, a grand fragment, are of no value to them. They demand the complete circle... the entire structure." -- Robert G. Ingersoll, from his writing, "Thomas Paine" (1870 C.E.)

"The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals." -- Sir William Osler

"Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good." -- Thomas Sowell

"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"All the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway." -- Harry S. Truman

"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly." -- Mitch Hedberg

"There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher." -- Victor Hugo

"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." -- Peter Steiner

"A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits." -- Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924)

"I'm a born-again atheist." -- Gore Vidal

"When people who are honestly mistaken learn the truth, they will either cease being mistaken, or cease being honest." -- Anonymous

"The war could last... you know... 6 days, 6 weeks.... I doubt 6 months." -- Donald Rumsfeld, 2/7/2003, speaking on the Iraq War

"Solitude is impracticable, and society fatal." -- Emerson

"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it." -- Clarence Darrow

"You do realize that our President is a Texas oilman, and we're paying $3.00 a gallon for gasoline? We're fucking retarded." -- Chris Titus

"Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there." -- E.H. Gombrich

"There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a sucessful man who didn't tell you about it?" -- Kin Hubbard

"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong." -- George Carlin

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television." -- Fred Allen

"In the middle of the last century there was a reason to go to war. This time around the war was a really bad idea and I think the only people that benefited from it were Halliburton and people that made money from it, but that's not an excuse to have a war. Killing American kids so Halliburton can make money is not a righteous reason to go to war." -- Anthony Kiedis

"Never answer a critic, unless he's right." -- Bernard M. Baruch

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." -- Phillip K. Dick

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depnds on not understanding it." -- Upton Sinclair

"The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive." -- Thomas Jefferson

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." -- Rita Mae Brown

"All the world's a cage." -- Jeanne Phillips

“Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order to not be separated from man.” -- Andres Segovia

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." -- Peter Ustinov

"A happy childhood is poor preperation for human contact." -- Colette

"A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something." -- Wilson Mizner

"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." -- Jack London

"Giving apes rights does not mean throwing open all the cage doors because some zoos are important to preserve the species, but it is vital to establish a principle that apes should not be treated as objects." -- Charlotte Uhlenbroek, zoologist

"Justice and consistent thinking require that we treat non-human animals who share morally-relevant properties in a respectful way, and that surely means giving them the opportunity to flourish and not be tortured or subject to cruel or degrading treatment." -- Daniel Sokol

"The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'." -- Jon Stewart

"Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves." -- Robert Anton Wilson

"I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Why, if only a blue dress were somehow involved, perhaps the president could be impeached, because in America making incompetent war and lying about it is not an impeachable offense, but making indiscreet love (sort of) and lying about it is." -- Reg Henry, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

"Your president is told by God to invade Iraq. It's a pity, by the way, that God didn't tell him there were no weapons of mass destruction." -- Richard Dawkins

"Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. For good people to do evil things, it takes religion." -- Steven Weinberg

"I never met anybody who said when there were a kid, 'I wanna grow up and be a critic'." -- Richard Pryor

"I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it." -- GK Chesterton

"Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality." -- George Santayana

"The problem of the apes is not a shortage of money, it is a shortage of strategy. Let us devote our minds... the one thing we have more of than other apes... and let's secure their future." -- Richard Leakey

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it." -- Mark Twain

"When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind." -- Will Durst

"In case you hadn't heard, a bit of news for you... Reverand Toddler-Boff has deceided that the idea of the Universe being blown out of a Middle-Eastern deity's ass is just as scientific as the Big Bang. They're calling this the 'Intelligent Design Theory', which really is just a nickname for the 'We Don't Want Our Children To Question Their Religious Brainwashing Theory'. What on Earth are you sermon-farting assholes doing trying to pass off your cosmic guessing game in school science courses?" -- 2 the Ranting Gryphon, commenting on "Intelligent Design"

“The president is now having to deal with a Congress. He’s never had to do that before. The president in the past, he has just done whatever he wanted. He had a big rubberstamp here up on Capitol Hill, whatever he wanted, they stamped OK. That's not the way it is now." -- Senator Harry Reid (D-NV), Senate Majority Leader

"The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward." -- John Maynard Keynes

"The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath." -- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart

"Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person." -- Ethel Mumford

"The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason." -- John Cage

"When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence." -- Brendan Behan

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross." -- Sinclair Lewis, 1927

"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them." -- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Notebook, 1935

"Only the mediocre are always at their best." -- Jean Giraudoux

"You can't win unless you learn how to lose." -- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

"The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them." -- Samuel McChord Crothers

"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." -- Thomas Edison

"Usually, spring in Washington finds us caught up in the cherry blossoms and the ursine courtship rituals of the pandas. But this chilly April, we are forced to contemplate the batrachian grapplings of Paul Wolfowitz, the man who cherry-picked intelligence to sell us a war with Iraq." -- Maureen Dowd

"Wooing the press is an exercise roughly akin to picnicking with a tiger. You might enjoy the meal, but the tiger always eats last." -- Maureen Dowd

"The level of activity that we see today from a military standpoint, I think, will clearly decline. I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." -- Dick Cheney, 6/20/2005

"There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after." -- J.R.R. Tolkien

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." -- Niels Bohr

"The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work." -- Robert Frost

"Mounting a campaign against plutocracy makes as much sense to the typical Washington liberal as would circulating a petition against gravity. What our modernized liberal leaders offer is not confrontation but a kind of therapy for those flattened by the free-market hurricane: they counsel us to accept the inevitability of the situation." -- Thomas Frank, The New York Times

"The idea that a relatively fixed group of privileged people might shape the economy and government for their own benefit goes against the American grain. Nevertheless, the owners and top-level managers in large income-producing properties are far and away the dominant power figures in the United States. Their corporations, banks, and agribusinesses come together as a corporate community that dominates the federal government in Washington. Their real estate, construction, and land development companies form growth coalitions that dominate most local governments." -- G. William Domhoff, "Who Rules America"

"In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard." -- Daphne de Maurier

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time." -- Abraham Lincoln

"First things first, but not necessarily in that order." -- Dr. Who

"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy." -- Groucho Marx

"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week." -- Evan Esar

"We are more ready to try the untried when what we do is inconsequential. Hence the fact that many inventions had their birth as toys." -- Eric Hoffer

"Sometimes I get the feeling that the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." -- Robert Orben

"Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel." -- Oscar Levant

"That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong." -- William JH Boetcker

"If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability." -- Vannevar Bush

"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died." -- Richard Diran

"Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history." -- George Bernard Shaw

"I am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward." -- Stanislaw J. Lec

"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English --- up to fifty words used in correct context --- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese." -- Carl Sagan

"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." -- Bertrand Russell

"One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you." -- Larry Gelbart

"France... What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?" -- Bill Maher

"The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half." -- Fyodor Dostoevsky

"The intellectual part of religion is a private affair between every man and his Maker, and in which no third party has any right to interfere. The practical part consists in our doing good to each other. But since religion has been made into a trade, the practical part has been made to consist of ceremonies performed by men called priests ... By devices of this kind true religion has been banished, and such means have been found out to extract money, even from the pockets of the poor, instead of contributing to their relief." -- Thomas Paine, in a letter to Camille Jordan

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak." -- Jay Leno

"Why was I born with such contemporaries?" -- Oscar Wilde

"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be." -- William Hazlitt

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." -- Michael Pritchard

"The moral duty of man consists in imitating the moral goodness and beneficence of God manifested in the creation toward all his creatures. That seeing, as we daily do, the goodness of God to all men, it is an example calling upon all men to practice the same toward each other." -- Thomas Paine

"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." -- Jimmy Demaret

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind." -- Aristotle

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." -- Richard Feynman

"War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military." -- Georges Clemenceau

"A knowledge of the true age of the Earth and of the fossil record makes it impossible for any balanced intellect to believe in the literal truth of every part of the Bible in the way that fundamentalists do." -- Francis Crick

"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." -- Albert Einstein

"A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others." -- Wizard of Oz to the Tin Man, by L. Frank Baum

"If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time." -- Edith Wharton

"Every hero becomes a bore at last." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I'm convinced there's a small room in the attic of the Foreign Office where future diplomats are taught to stammer." -- Peter Ustinov

"Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement." -- Author unknown

"Anything too stupid to be said is sung." -- Voltaire

"A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5 x 11 inch paper cannot be understood." -- Mark Ardis

"Some of the substance of English words, I just don't understand at all because the culture's so strange to me." -- Chow Yun-Fat

"Jubelo, Shub-Niggarath. Aegir and Thor. Vishnu and Kali. The god as a whore. Malagbel and Mercury. Who cares anymore? Ku, the creator, architect of war. Zoroaster and Jupiter. Yaweh and Kong. All gods are bloody and all gods are wrong." -- Gwar, from the song "Lost God"

"The Constitution gives every American the inalienable right to make a damn fool of himself." -- John Ciardi

"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise." -- Gore Vidal

"Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression." -- Amos Bronson Alcott

"Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease." -- Bill Maher

"On out deathbeds we're not going to regret all the work we didn't do. We're going to regret all the sex we didn't have!" -- John Betjeman

"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment." -- Evan Esar

"A feast is made for laughter, and wine maketh merry: but money answereth all things." -- Ecclesiastes 10:19

"It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy." -- Dr. Howard Murphy

"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture." -- Bertrand Russell

"I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position." -- Pat Conroy

"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy." -- Frank Zappa

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." -- Rodney Dangerfield

"I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The Bob Jones policy on interracial dating, I mean I spoke out on interracial dating. I spoke against that. I spoke out against interracial dating. I support the policy of interracial dating." -- George w. Bush, 2/25/2000, from an inteview with CBS News

"Any event, once it has occurred, can be make to appear inevitable by a competent historian." -- Lee Simonson

"Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places." -- E. Joseph Crossman

"An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations." -- Charles de Montesquieu

"Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine." -- Elvis Presley

"Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse." -- Miguel de Cervantes

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease." -- George Dennison Prentice

"A man may be a heretic in the truth; and if he believe things only because his pastor says so, or the assembly so determines, without knowing other reason, though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy." -- John Milton

"If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled." -- PG Wodehouse

"To err is human --- and to blame it on a computer is even more so." -- Robert Orben

"Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like the best, they are merely the people who got there first." -- Peter Ustinov

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." -- Roald Dahl

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." -- George w. Bush, Tucson, AZ, 11/28/2005

"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." -- Bertrand Russell

"It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail." -- Gore Vidal

"It's as pure as the driven slush." -- Tallulah Bankhead

"The American people overwhelmingly want our troops out of Iraq. They want the federal government to take real and immediate action to combat global warming and to significantly expand support for stem cell research. Democrats almost unanimously support the people's wishes onthese crucial issues. Republicans don't." -- Al Gore, 6/12/2007

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." -- Groucho Marx

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." -- Soren Kierkegaard

"Let us not forget that we are micro-organisms populating the folds of the planet's crust. One must learn to think. No lecture can teach how to think. The quality of thinking is formed in solitude through rational striving. Indeed, thought strikes the spark of life from the substance of matter." -- Morya, Hindu Master

"The big thieves hang the little ones." -- Czech Proverb

"I'd buy that for a dollar!" -- Bixby Snyder

"It is possible to be below flattery as well as above it." -- Thomas Babington Macaulay

"I like work: it facinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." -- Jerome K. Jerome

"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything." -- Voltaire

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." -- Dan Quayle

"To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“I wouldn’t be surprised by anybody leaving the Republican Party today.” -- Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), commenting on NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg leaving the GOP to become an Independant

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." -- Augusten Burroughs

"It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it." -- Arnold Toynbee

"Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it." -- Ted Morgan

"Small snakes that are not poisonous can't injure you as much as a kitten." -- Marlin Perkins, zoologist

"Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made." -- Oscar Wilde

"How my achievements mock me!" -- William Shakespeare

"When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators." -- PJ O'Rourke

"Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways." -- Samuel McChord Crothers

"I loathe the expression 'What makes him tick'. It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm." -- James Thurber

"It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember." -- Eugene McCarthy

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know." -- Ernest Hemingway

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." -- Walter Bagehot

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." -- Rita Rudner

"A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad." -- Bob Edwards

"We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?" -- Ray Bradbury

"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on." -- Joseph Heller

"Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it." -- Samuel Johnson

"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim." -- Bertrand Russell

"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools." -- Doug Larson

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." -- Woody Allen

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." -- Miss Piggy

"I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise." -- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children." -- King Edward VIII

"All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income." -- Samuel Butler

"I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly." -- Michel de Montaigne

"We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities." -- Walt Kelly

"You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light." -- Vicomte de Chateaubriand

"Communism is like one big phone company." -- Lenny Bruce

"What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance." -- Havelock Ellis

"No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible." -- WH Auden

"If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong." -- Mo Udall

"What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, when you can't hear what they say?" -- Logan Pearsall Smith

"All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why." -- James Thurber

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious." -- Oscar Wilde

"No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous." -- Henry Adams

"I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge." -- Edward Chilton

"Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink." -- PJ O'Rourke

"The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good." -- Bertrand Russell

"A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth." -- George Bernard Shaw

"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress." -- Will Rogers

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." -- W.C. Fields

"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere." -- Billy Crystal

"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." -- John Wilmot

"The future is much like the present, only longer." -- Dan Quisenberry

"In a perfect situation, SPAM® could last forever... It's like meat with a pause button." -- Hormel Foods Corporation

"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling." -- Paula Poundstone

"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers." -- Scott Adams

"The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law." -- Alex Levin

"Life is no more assuring than love. There are no answers from voices above. You're fighting the weight of the world, and no one can save you this time. Close your eyes, you can find all you need in your mind." -- Dream Theater, from the song "Take The Time"

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it." -- Stephen Leacock

"The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money." -- David Richerby

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." -- proverb

"It may be that the old astrologers had the truth exactly reversed, when they believed that the stars controlled the destinies of men. The time may come when men control the destinies of stars." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves." -- Paul Valery

"A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." -- Thomas Mann

"Thirteen people, pledged to eliminate triskaidekaphobia, fear of the number 13, today tried to reassure American sufferers by renting a 13 ft plot of land in Brooklyn for 13 cents... a month." -- Daily Telegraph, January 14, 1967

"Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there." -- Herv Caen

"The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection." -- Buonarroti Michelangelo

"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you." -- Don Marquis

"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele." -- Bagdikian's Observation

"You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men." -- Max Beerbohm

"In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation." -- Roger Allen

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet." -- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

"The saying 'Getting there is half the fun' became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines." -- Henry J. Tillman

"Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?" -- Charles Baudelaire

"Fundie: A usually religious person or entity characterized by one or more of the following: an extreme lack of rationality, fondness of logical fallacies, repeated use of emotional appeals, rigid adherence to Bronze Age mythology, endorsement of pseudoscientific nonsense, opposition to the First Amendment, bigotry and discriminatory attitudes towards minority groups, belief that certain children's media is the work of Satan, and propensity to post Bible verses instead of valid argument." -- Allan Glenn

"President Bush says we’ve turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we’ve turned? I think they call that running in circles." -- Will Durst

"Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing." -- Evan Esar

"To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal." -- Peter Ustinov

"I am among those who think that science has great beauty. A scientist in his laboratory is not only a technician: he is also a child placed before natural phenomena which impress him like a fairy tale." -- Marie Curie

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." -- Lenin

"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat." -- John Lehman

"Now that I'm gone, I tell you: don't smoke, whatever you do, don't smoke." -- Yul Brynner, in an anti-smoking ad, shown after his death from lung cancer.

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." -- Russell Baker

"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." -- JD Salinger

"Nothing says, 'I have no idea what to get you,' quite like giant beige bath towels." -- Missbhavens

"The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities." -- Sophocles

"Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it." -- Cullen Hightower

"The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty." -- Eugene McCarthy

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." -- Mark Twain

"Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want." -- Clive Barnes

"Equations are the devil's sentences." -- Stephen Colbert

"An expert is a person who avoids small error as he sweeps on to grand fallacy." -- Benjamin Stolberg

"They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love it are not equal to those who delight in it." -- Confucius

"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming." -- Wernher von Braun

"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." -- Michel de Montaigne

"Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are." -- Laurence J. Peter

"No one, no single center, can today command the world. No single group of countries can do it. Under the current U.S. president, I don't think we can fundamentally change the situation as it is developing now. It is dangerous. The world is experiencing a period of growing global disarray." -- Mikhail Gorbachev

"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." -- Mark Twain

"The truth that makes men free is not for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear." -- Herbert Agar

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow." -- Oscar Wilde

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." -- Jackie Mason

"There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence." -- Henry Adams

"He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts." -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan

"Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read." -- Frank Zappa

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." -- Albert Einstein

"If there is something that appears to lie beyond the natural world as it is now imperfectly understood, we hope to eventually understand it and embrace it within the natural. As ever when we unweave a rainbow, it will not become less wonderful." -- Richard Dawkins

"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water." -- WC Fields

"The great unmentionable evil at the center of our culture is monotheism. From a barbaric Bronze Age text known as the Old Testament, three anti-human religions have evolved - Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. These are sky-god religions. They are, literally, patriarchal - God is the omnipotent Father - hence the loathing of women for 2,000 years in those countries afflicted by the sky-god and his earthly male delegates." -- Gore Vidal

"Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose." -- Evan Esar

"In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning." -- AE Housman

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." -- Robert Frost

"Only you can prevent forest fires." -- Smokey Bear

"Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own." -- Sidney J. Harris

"No one gossips about other people's secret virtues." -- Bertrand Russell

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." -- Oscar Levant

"We and the cosmos are one. The cosmos is a vast body, of which we are still parts. The sun is a great heart whose tremors run through our smallest veins. The moon is a great gleaming nerve-centre from which we quiver forever. Who knows the power that Saturn has over us or Venus, but it is a vital power, rippling exquisitely through us all the time... Now all this is literally true, as men knew in the great past and as they will know again." -- D. H. Lawrence

"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top." -- Unknown

"If the phone doesn't ring, it's me." -- Jimmy Buffett

"Can omniscient God, who knows the future, find the omnipotence to change His future mind?" -- Karen Owens

"Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness." -- Jon Stewart

"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." -- Susan Ertz

"President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth." -- Jon Stewart

"A person who trusts no one can't be trusted." -- Jerome Blattner

"I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution." -- Wernher von Braun

"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority." -- Ralph W. Sockman

"We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes." -- Leona Helmsley

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." -- Pablo Picasso

"Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!" -- Jon Stewart

"The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards." -- Arthur Koestler

"I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up." -- Tom Lehrer

“I’m gonna tell you that the big picture is, the Iraqis have two more months. They’ve got two more months. And if they don’t step up and help more than they’re helping — and by help, I mean, they have to pass oil legislation so everybody gets a piece of the oil pie. Their armed forces have to fight more aggressively and bravely alongside us, and if they don’t do it in two months, it’s over.” -- Bill O'Reilly, 6/20/2007

"............" -- Bill O'Reilly, 8/20/2007

"It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs." -- Jon Stewart

"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading." -- Logan Pearsall Smith

"Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange." -- Robin Morgan

"Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin

"Do not complain about growing old; not everyone is granted that privilege." -- Filipino Proverb

"The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend." -- Henri Louis Bergson

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends." -- Woody Allen

"If you have one leg in yesterday and one leg in tomorrow, you are pissing on today." -- Kirk Douglas

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her." -- Oscar Wilde

"The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." -- Paul Fix

"Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack." -- Robin Williams

"Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl." -- Evan Esar

"Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves." -- Carl Sagan

"The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky." -- Solomon Short

"In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way." -- Jon Stewart, August 23, 2007

"A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds." -- Sir Francis Bacon

"What a pity, when Christopher Colombus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it."-- Margot Asquith

"Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule." -- Stephen King

"Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does." -- Bill Nye

"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking." -- AA Milne

"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." -- Oscar Wilde

"9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one." -- Jon Stewart

"You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance." -- Ray Bradbury

"I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am." -- Joseph Baretti

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- ee cummings

"Six weeks before the 2004 presidential election, General Petraeus wrote a Washington Post op-ed about the Iraq war that was so upbeat you would have thought the insurgency was in its last throes." -- Jon Stewart

"Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle." -- Ken Hakuta

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" -- Scott Adams

"The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made." -- Jean Giraudoux

"I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now." -- Jon Stewart, Sept. 13, 2007

"Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors." -- Thomas H. Huxley

"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar." -- Edward R. Murrow

"Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

"Only fools are positive." -- Moe Howard

"The ethos is: Give your advice to those in a position to make changes, not the media. But this (George W. Bush) administration is immune to good advice." -- Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton (retired)

"The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it." -- Bertrand Russell

"You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt." -- Ed Meese

“I believe in you and me. I'm like Albert Schweitzer and Bertrand Russell and Albert Einstein in that I have a respect for life... in any form. I believe in nature, in the birds, the sea, the sky, in everything I can see or that there is real evidence for. If these things are what you mean by God, then I believe in God.” -- Frank Sinatra

"Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed." -- Bill Maher

"A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child." -- HL Mencken

"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks." -- Doug Larson

"There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations." -- Jon Stewart

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." -- Joan Rivers

"Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length." -- Robert Frost

"The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing." -- Nancy Astor

"I don't think guys like Sean Hannity *don't* want what's best for America.; I just think their idea of what's best for America is wildly misinformed." -- Stephen Colbert

"Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow." -- Arthur Stringer

"Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes." -- Aaron McGruder

"It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it." -- Henry Allen

"You're on CNN. The show that leads in to me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?" -- Jon Stewart, to Tucker Carlson when he crticized Stewart for not asking tough questions to the 2004 Presidential candidates.

"If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it." -- Jon Stewart

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." -- Rodney Dangerfield

"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks." -- Groucho Marx

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." -- Elbert Hubbard

"Gods are a hopelessly simplistic explanation for people ill-equipped to understand how life promulgates." -- Arthur Dent, BraveNet forum contributor

"There is a grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been orignially breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone circling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless forms most beautiful and most wonderful have been, and are being evolved." -- Charles Darwin

"Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space." -- Douglas Adams

"Indecision may or may not be my problem." -- Jimmy Buffett

"There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause." -- PJ O'Rourke

"No health care for poor kids? You know, I thought something like that was only done by cartoon villains. You're (Pres. Bush) slowly going from being Nixon to Mr. Burns." -- Jon Stewart, Oct 4, 2007

"Biography lends to death a new terror." -- Oscar Wilde

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." -- Emo Phillips

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death." -- Joan D. Vinge

"My job is a decision-making job. As a result I make a lot of decisions." -- George W. Bush

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -- Kurt Vonnegut

“Whenever I'm in doubt, I ask myself, 'What would Jesus do?' And then I realize, Jesus got crucified, so maybe his decision-making isn't all that great.” -- Oscar Wilde

"You're either a rationalist, or you're not. And the good news is a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say they are rationalists, and have figured out that Santa Claus and Jesus are really the same guy. Now, 20% is hardly a majority. But it's a bigger minority than blacks, jews, homosexuals, NRA members, teachers, or seniors... and it's certainly enough to stop being shy about expressing the opinion that we're not the crazy ones!" -- Bill Maher

"None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear." -- Ferdinand Foch

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." -- HL Mencken

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882 - 1945), radio address, Oct. 26, 1939

"We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality." — Ayn Rand

"For most of history, Anonymous was a woman." -- Virginia Woolf

"If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something." -- David Peterson

"A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body." -- Unknown

"People try non-violence for a week, and when it 'does not work', they go back to violence which hasn't worked for centuries." -- Theodore Roszak

"The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco." -- Jon Stewart, 10/11/2007

"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day." -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Machines take me by surprise with great frequency." -- Alan Turing

"The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else." -- Umberto Eco

"President Bush vetoed a children's health care bill that would have expanded spending by $35 billion over five years, but the Republican-led Congress passed a prescription drug bill a couple years ago that cost $100 billion more than advertised. Hey, maybe if we had gotten the full truth then, we could pay for the State Children's Health Insurance Program." -- Roland Martin

"The Iraq War is largely about oil." -- Alan Greenspan

“If you look at the people who are advising Rudy Giuliani it turns out that they seem to be all the people who were too insane or too extremist to even get on the George W. Bush team.” -- Josh Marshall

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." — Dalai Lama

"Send your daughters to public school and let them learn all about the fine art of milking men's nuts. Or.... Love your daughters (and sons), keep them home and teach them yourself." -- Onesog, Bravenet forum participant.

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." -- Woody Allen

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." -- Sean O'Casey

"Only the shallow know themselves." -- Oscar Wilde

"The point of quotations is that one can use another's words to be insulting." -- Amanda Cross

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." -- Douglas Adams

"A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time." -- Alfred E. Wiggam

"Nature, with equal mind, Sees all her sons at play; Sees man control the wind, The wind sweep man away." -- Matthew Arnold

"How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality." -- Norman Douglas

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant." -- Scott Adams

"One can survive anything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation." -- Oscar Wilde

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper." -- Jerry Seinfeld

"The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously." -- Nicholas Butler

"There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers." -- Richard Feynman

"The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it." -- Abbie Hoffman

"Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color." -- Don Hirschberg

"My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image to be servants of their human interests." -- George Santayana

"One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist." -- Jane Wagner

"New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was in the first place. Let alone his sexuality. What concerns me is adults who read 800-page books about magic schoolboys... and then try to talk to me about it. If I had the slightest interest in homosexuals with powers, I'd be a Republican." -- Bill Maher

"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?" -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -- Fred Allen

"All marriages are mixed marriages." -- Chantal Saperstein

"I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from." -- Al Franken

"We're actors - we're the opposite of people." -- Tom Stoppard

"When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not." -- Mark Twain

"A truly great book should be read in youth, again in maturity and once more in old age, as a fine building should be seen by morning light, at noon and by moonlight." -- Robertson Davies

"Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right." -- Kurt Herbert Alder

"I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'" -- Jon Stewart, Nov 1, 2007

"The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor." -- William Feather

"The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed." -- CS Lewis

"I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position." -- Pat Conroy

"An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought." -- Simon Cameron

"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather." -- Michael Pritchard

"With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life." -- PJ O'Rourke

"In literature as in love, we are astonished at what is chosen by others." -- Andre Maurois

"Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him." -- Minna Thomas Antrim

"Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry." -- John Lennon

"Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk." -- Andy Gibb

"The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact." -- Thomas H. Huxley

"Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen." -- John le Carre

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?" -- George Price

"We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us." -- George Eliot

"The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet." -- William Gibson

"The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous." -- Shana Alexander

"If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate." -- Elbert Hubbard

"To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it." -- Alan Kay

"Fraud and falsehood only dread examination. Truth invites it." -- Samuel Johnson

"We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it." -- Dave Barry

"The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known." -- George C. Marshall

"It really does seem that the Democrat's problem isn't that they're calling for timetables - it's that they're calling them 'timetables'. You're up against Bush and the Republicans - you've got to bring some zing. Don't call them timetables - call them 'Patriot Dates', 'Freedom Deadlines'... 'Glory Goals'." -- Jon Stewart, 5/3/2007

"Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US." -- Jon Stewart, 9/25/2007

"Have the courage to be ignorant of a great number of things, in order to avoid the calamity of being ignorant of everything." -- Sydney Smith

"Leave the world better than you found it. Sometimes you gotta pick up somebody else's trash." -- Bill Nye

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." -- Marie Curie

"People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom." -- Peter Ustinov

"Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with him like flies on a summer day." -- Bertrand Russell

"It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good." -- Seneca

"Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays." -- Oscar Wilde

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day." -- John A. Wheeler

"There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity." -- Robertson Davies

"Suppose that climate change is not real and all we do is adopt green technologies, which our economy and our technology is perfectly capable of. Then all we've done is given our kids a cleaner world." -- Senator John McCain (R-AZ)

"The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn." -- David Russell

"The only good ideas are the ones I can take credit for." -- R. Stevens

"Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage." -- Evan Esar

"Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners." -- E. Joseph Cossman

"Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable." -- Trey Parker and Matt Stone

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see." -- Arthur Schopenhauer

"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head." -- Rita Rudner

"One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't." -- George Bernard Shaw

"When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds." -- Jon Stewart, 06/30/2004

"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead." -- Oscar Wilde

"There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry." -- Martin Gardner

"Al-Qaeda's resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration's math and logic." -- Jon Stewart, 07/19/2007

"The opposite of the religious fanatic is not the fanatical atheist but the gentle cynic who cares not whether there is a god or not." -- Eric Hoffer

"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?" -- Henry Ward Beecher

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." -- Dave Barry

"I feel like this is a dream... and I apologize for how I dressed some of you." -- Ray Romano

"We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic." -- David Russell

"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these." -- Paul Harvey

"There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures." -- James Thurber

"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable." -- HL Mencken

"Invention is the mother of necessity." -- Thorstein Veblen

"My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare." -- Mike Myers

"A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions---as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway." -- Clyde B. Aster

"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems." -- Rene Descartes

"The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well." -- Horace Walpole

"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off." -- Johnny Carson

"There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun." -- Pablo Picasso

"Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book." -- Edward Gibbon

"Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin." -- Quentin Crisp

"If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer." -- Alfred North Whitehead

"The purpose of life is to fight maturity." -- Dick Werthimer

"Art is never finished, only abandonded." -- Leonardo da Vinci

"I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly living." -- Zach Braff

"The question before the human race is, whether the God of nature shall govern the world by His own laws, or whether priests and kings shall rule it by fictitious miracles?" -- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson, June 20th, 1815 CE

"We have now, it seems, a national Bible Society, to propagate King James's Bible through all nations. Would it not be better to apply these pious subscriptions to purify Christendom from the corruptions of Christianity than to propagate those corruptions in Europe, Asia, Africa, and America?" -- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson, November 4th, 1816

"There is but one being who can understand the universe, and that it is not only vain but wicked for insects to pretend to comprehend it." -- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson, September 14th, 1813

"Deism was the way of saying you don't believe in gods without using the a-word." -- notsobad, forum participant at www.richarddawkins.net

"I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?" -- Jon Stewart, Jan 8, 2008

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." -- Oscar Wilde

"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs." -- Christopher Hampton

"I no longer prepare food or drink with more than one ingredient." -- Cyra McFadden

"Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting." -- John Russell

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." -- Carl Sagan

"If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and tax increases, then you're not being kept down by the rich. You're being kept down by you." -- Bill Maher, 11/2/2007

"In America, it's not the haves and have-nots. It's the haves and the been-hads. If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won't give you health care over someone who will, you need to have your head examined. Except you can't afford to have your head examined." -- Bill Maher, 11/2/07

"Although the time of death is approaching me, I am not afraid of dying and going to Hell or (what would be considerably worse) going to the popularized version of Heaven. I expect death to be nothingness and, for removing me from all possible fears of death, I am thankful to atheism." -- Issac Asimov

"No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of Atheism." -- Annie Wood Besant

"And it is in his own image, let us remember, that Man creates God." -- H. Havelock Ellis

"As an atheist, I deny the existance of all Gods: those of the Mayans, the Hindus, the Ancient Egyptians, and the God of the Old and New Testaments. If I am right, all of these are fictional constructs invented by clever humans for purposes, a variety of purposes, ranging from psychological comfort to entertainment." -- Doug Jesseph

"Anyone who believes that the earth is less than 10,000 years old needs psychiatric help." -- Francis Crick

"All qualified physicists, biologists, cosmologists and geologists agree, on the basis of massive, mutually corroborating evidence, that the earth’s age is at least four billion years." -- Richard Dawkins

"If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough." -- Mario Andretti

"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people." -- GK Chesterton

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad." -- Salvador Dali

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian." -- Robert Orben

"There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink." -- Booth Tarkington

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." -- Mae West

"There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have." -- Don Herold

"Art is science made clear." -- Jean Cocteau

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." -- Leo Tolstoy

"To ponder is to exist. Exist? Nay... LIVE!" -- author unknown

"Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting." -- Karl Wallenda

"I want you to have all the academic freedom you want as long as you wind up saying the bible account (of creation) is true and all others are not." -- Jerry Falwell

"I get a lot of cracks about my hair, mostly from men who don't have any." -- Ann Richards

"Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk." -- Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." -- Herm Albright

"The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated." -- Oscar Wilde

"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." -- Anonymous

"In politics you must always keep running with the pack. The moment that you falter and they sense that you are injured, the rest will turn on you like wolves." -- RA Butler

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." -- Leo J. Burke

"The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution." -- Hannah Arendt

"We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident, bits of a star gone wrong." -- Sir Arthur Eddington

"When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another." -- Alan Alda

"Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever." -- Albert Einstein

"Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long." -- Leonard Bernstein

"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value." -- Carl Sagan

"Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again." -- Mike Myers

"The world only goes round by misunderstanding." -- Charles Baudelaire

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them." -- Mark Twain

"Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it." -- Alfred North Whitehead

"The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Why do writers write? Because it isn't there." -- Thomas Berger

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement." -- Charles M. Schulz

"The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Dance like it hurts, love like you need money, work when people are watching." -- Scott Adams

"You've got to take the bitter with the sour." -- Samuel Goldwyn

"Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity." -- Albert Camus

"When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion." -- CP Snow

"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties." -- Sir Francis Bacon

"The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of oursevles with the applalling things that other people think about us." -- Quentin Crisp

"As I grow older , I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me." -- H. Rider Haggard

"Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future." -- Niels Bohr

"Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one." -- Bill Gates

"It is only the great men who are truly obscene. If they had not dared to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great." -- Havelock Ellis

"A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, 'You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing.'" -- Sir Arnold Bax

"Gilligan's Island is wherever you want it to be in your mind." — Bob Denver

"Yes, it seems that as the President (George W. Bush) comes to the end of his two terms, he's finally realized the best way to get things done for you, is for you to do it." -- Jon Stewart (Jan 29, 2008)

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!" -- Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." -- Gerald R. Ford

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." -- Franklin P. Jones

"Have you ever observed that we pay much more attention to a wise passage when it is quoted than when we read it in the original author?" -- Philip G. Hamerton

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." -- Henry J. Tillman

"I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns... the writers are back!" -- Jon Stewart, Feb 13, 2008

"Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." -- Nora Ephron

"To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge." -- Nicolaus Copernicus

"Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain." -- John F. Kennedy

"It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information." -- Oscar Wilde

"The whole point of getting things done is knowing what to leave undone." -- Lady Stella Reading

"No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one." -- Elbert Hubbard

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic." -- Dan Rather

"I improve on misquotation." -- Cary Grant

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." -- EB White

"Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile." -- Albert Schweitzer

"It is difficult, none the less, for the ordinary man to cast off orthodox beliefs, for he is seldom allowed to hear the other side, whereas the Christian view is pressed on him day in and day out." -- Margaret Knight

"Atheist (n), A person to be pitied in that he is unable to believe things for which there is no evidence, and who has thus deprived himself of a convenient means of feeling superior to others." -- Margaret Knight

"Though the details differ across the world, no known culture lacks some version of the time-consuming, wealth-consuming, hostility-provoking rituals, the anti-factual, counter-productive fantasies of religion. Some educated individuals may have abandoned religion, but all were brought up in a religious culture from which they usually had to make a conscious decision to depart." -- Richard Dawkins, "The God Delusion"

"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully." -- Richard Dawkins, "The God Delusion"

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices." -- William James

"Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was belief in facts." -- John Gunther

"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them." -- Samuel Butler

"Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people." -- James Russell Lowell

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul." -- Marilyn Monroe

"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them." -- Rita Rudner

"We've got some new ways to make slaves here." -- L. Ron Hubbard

"I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming." -- Mitch Hedberg

"I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck." -- Graffito

"The gods too are fond of a joke." -- Aristotle

"It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety." -- Isaac Asimov

"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer." -- Will Rogers

"Most people in America understand that the rich people hire good accountants and figure out how not to necessarily pay all the taxes that they should be paying." -- George W. Bush, 2/14/2008

"Build up your weaknesses until they become your strong points." -- Knute Rockne

"When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." -- Mark Twain

"One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience." -- Alice James

"Writing a computer virus program is child's play. Any fool can do it, which is why the silly little twerps who do have nothing to be proud of." -- Richard Dawkins

"The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?" -- Bill Maher

"Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry." -- Calvin Trillin

"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." -- Robert X. Cringely

"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill." -- Peter Ustinov

"I am not absolutely positive there is no god. Only in the sense that I'm not absolutely positive there is no large china teapot in orbit in the solar system." -- Richard Dawkins

"Not only is the universe stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine." -- Sir Arthur Eddington

"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past." -- George Carlin

"The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question." -- Stephen Jay Gould

"A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience." -- Doug Larson

"A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool." -- Joseph Roux

"Against logic there is no armor like ignorance." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." -- Will Durant

"Politics has slain its thousands, but religion has slain its tens of thousands." -- Sean O'Casey

"When sleeping women wake, mountains move." -- Chinese proverb

"If men were angels, no government would be necessary." -- James Madison

"I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine." -- Fritz Perls

"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." -- Mark Twain

"Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay you can kick it around all day, and it will be round and full at evening.” – Mark Twain

"It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative." -- John Burroughs

"This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them." -- Bertrand Russell

"Living in a vacuum sucks." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff

"Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning." -- Bill Gates

"I know not, sir, whether Bacon wrote the works of Shakespeare, but if he did not it seems to me that he missed the opportunity of his life." -- James M. Barrie

"Your principal concern appears to be that the Creator of the universe will take offense at something people do while naked. This prudery of yours contributes daily to the surplus of human misery." -- Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"

"To be amused by what you read --- that is the great spring of happy quotations." -- CE Montague

"Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age." -- William Feather

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling in an intimate knowledge of its ugly side." -- James Baldwin

"The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down." -- Flip Wilson

"Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them; and no man ever had a distinct idea of the trinity. It is the mere Abracadabra of the mountebanks calling themselves the priests of Jesus." -- Thomas Jefferson, letter to Francis Adrian Van der Kemp, July 30, 1816

"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." -- Pat Robertson

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing." -- Dave Barry

"Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it." -- Alvin Toffler

"I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level." -- Dana Carvey

"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up." -- Ogden Nash

"Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that!" -- Matt Frewer

"The love of truth lies at the root of much humor." -- Robertson Davies

"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion." -- Sir Francis Bacon

"I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president...' and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude...'" -- Jon Stewart

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." -- Mitch Hedberg

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted." -- Fred Allen

"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." -- James M. Barrie

"History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind." -- Edward Gibbon

"Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad." -- Diogenes the Cynic

"This is America. We don't call the election before we know who the real winner is. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court." -- Bill Maher, 04/04/2008

"Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other." -- Unknown

"A man's silence is wonderful to listen to." -- Thomas Hardy

"The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time." -- Willie Tyler

"My mother loved children --- she would have given anything if I had been one." -- Groucho Marx

"They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse." -- Emily Dickinson

"The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." -- Voltaire

"The secret of eternal youth is arrested development." -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"I think that computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." -- Stephen Hawking

"If you think the Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they're going to take away your gun, you're an armed idiot. And if you think they're going to take away your gun and give it to a Mexican to kill your god, you're Bill O'Reilly." -- Bill Maher, 04/18/2008

"You know who's bitter in America? I am. Because shit-kickers voted twice for a retarded guy they wanted to have a beer with, and everybody else had to suffer the consequenses." -- Bill Maher, 04/18/2008

"To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost." -- Gustave Flaubert

"To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady." -- Wilson Mizner

"Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." -- Leo Tolstoy

"Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too." -- Richard Nixon

"The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes." -- Dave Barry

"Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day." -- Lillian Carter

"In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear." -- John C. Dvorak

"The computer is a moron." -- Peter Drucker

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself." -- Peter da Silva

"New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina has a sign out front that says 'Obama... Osama... Hmmm... Are they brothers?' No, they're not brothers. In fact, they're not even related, which is more than I can say for the married couples in your church." -- Bill Maher, 04/25/2008

"When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong... or absolutely right." -- Albert Guinon

"This is like deja vu all over again." -- Yogi Berra

"What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels." -- Faith Whittlesey

"America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair." -- Arnold Toynbee

"Human beings will line up for miles to buy a bucket of catastrophes, but don't try selling sunshine and light... you'll go broke." -- Chuck Jones

"Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity." -- Christopher Morley

"Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event." -- Oscar Wilde

"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"God made farts smelly so deaf people could enjoy them, too." -- Unknown

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back." -- Henny Youngman

"The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools." -- Herbert Spencer

"It was beautiful and simple, as truly great swindles are." -- O. Henry

"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." -- Friedrich von Schiller

"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored." -- Evelyn Waugh

"The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greated than that of any other animal." -- HL Mencken

"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism." -- Carl Sagan

"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it." -- Garrison Keillor

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." -- Hunter S. Thompson

"There is no greater impotence in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you." -- Norman Mailer

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -- Krishnamurti

"I was present at his deathbed. Lady Hope was not present during his last illness, or any illness. I believe he never even saw her, but in any case she had no influence over him in any department of thought or belief. He never recanted any of his scientific views, either then or earlier. We think the story of his conversion was fabricated in the USA... The whole story has no foundation whatever." -- Henrietta Darwin, daughter of Charles Darwin, denouncing the Lady Hope story of her father's supposed "deathbed conversion", Feb 23, 1922

“The word 'god' is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish." -- Albert Einstein

"If children were taught to question and think through their beliefs, instead of being taught the superior virtue of faith without question, it is a good bet that there would be no suicide bombers." -- Dr. Richard Dawkins

"Faith can be very very dangerous, and deliberately to implant it into the vulnerable mind of an innocent child is a grievous wrong." -- Dr. Richard Dawkins

"There is in every village a torch - a teacher: and an extinguisher - the clergyman." -- Victor Hugo

"It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this." -- Bertrand Russell

"So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm?" -- Ellen DeGeneres

"You alone govern the nature of things. Without you nothing emerges into the light of day, without you nothing is joyous or lovely." -- Lucretius, to Venus as Nature, mother of all things.

"Nature! Sovereign of all beings! And you its adorable daughters, virtue, reason, truth! Be forever our only Divinities. To you are due the world's incense and homage." -- D'Holbach

"It were better, never to look beyond the present material world. By supposing it to contain the principle of its order within itself, we really assert it to be God; and the sooner we arrive at that divinity, the better." -- David Hume

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." -- Groucho Marx

"The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them." -- Sir William Bragg

"It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem." -- Malcolm Forbes

"I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in." -- John Muir

"There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good." -- Stephen Colbert

"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." -- Truman Capote

"This is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court." -- Bill Maher

"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of." -- Ogden Nash

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone." -- Anthony Burgess

"I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it." -- Edith Sitwell

"If God is necessary to distinguish between good and evil, how can atheists tell apart the villains and heroes when they see a movie?" -- The Closet Atheist

"Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary." -- Evan Esar

"Never believe anything until it has been officially denied." -- Claud Cockburn

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but eftovers. The original meal has never been found." -- Calvin Trillin

"Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away." -- Thomas Fuller

"Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical." -- Yogi Berra

"In the aftermath of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I watched helplessly as the Bush administration led America into a strategic blunder of historic proportions. It became painfully obvious that the executive branch of our government did not trust its military. It relied instead on a neoconservative ideology developed by men and women with little, if any, military experience. Some senior military leaders did not challenge civilian decision makers at the appropriate times, and the courageous few who did take a stand were subsequently forced out of the service." -- Gen. Ricardo Sanchez (retired)

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." -- Dave Barry

"Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view." -- Lillian Hellman

"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead." -- Benjamin Franklin

"The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it." -- Warren Buffett

"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them." -- Will Rogers

"Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody." -- Franklin P. Adams

"Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle." -- Darby Conley

"I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world." -- Oscar Wilde

"The best way out is always through." -- Robert Frost

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." -- John W. Gardner

"There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say." -- Cyril Connolly

"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three." -- Alice Kahn

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." -- Charles M. Schulz

"Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness." -- Robertson Davies

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." -- Samuel Johnson

"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk." -- Thomas A. Edison

"Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate." -- Thomas Jones

"At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong." -- Dandemis

"As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use." -- William James

"Life is a long lesson in humility." -- James M. Barrie

"Honesty is the best image." -- Tom Wilson

"Every increase possesion loads us with new weariness." -- John Ruskin

"The only paradise is paradise lost." -- Marcel Proust

"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex." -- Aldous Huxley

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it." -- Emerson Pugh

"My work is a game, a very serious game." -- MC Escher

"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius." -- Oscar Wilde

"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." -- Douglas Adams

"A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life." -- Robertson Davies

"The people I distrust most are those who want to improve our lives but have only one course of action." -- Frank Herbert

"The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel." -- James Thurber

"The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing." -- Henry S. Haskins

"We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners." -- George Bernard Shaw

“Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.” -- Marcus Brigstocke

"Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic." -- Marcus Brigstocke

"Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts." -- Jim Morrison

"Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better." -- Andre Gide

"Books to the ceiling,/ Books to the sky,/ My pile of books is a mile high./ How I love them! How I need them!/ I'll have a long beard by the time I read them." -- Arnold Lobel

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." -- Rodney Dangerfield

"You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty." -- Cecil Baxter

"Since we cannot know all that there is to be known about anything, we ought to know a little about everything." -- Blaise Pascal

"A joke's a very serious thing." -- Charles Churchill

"A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores." -- Terry Pratchett

"The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it." -- Dudley Moore

"He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical." -- GK Chesterton

"Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status." -- Laurence J. Peter

"People ask for criticism, but they only want praise." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected." -- Oscar Wilde

"The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand." -- Frank Herbert

"Only sinners need saviors." -- Dan Barker

"Words are like arrows; they do not return when let loose." -- Greek proverb

"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'" -- Ellen DeGeneres

"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting." -- Fran Lebowitz

"No one who cannot rejoice in the discovery of his own mistakes deserves to be called a scholar." -- Donald Foster

"A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats." -- Anonymous

"No man ever listened himself out of a job." -- Calvin Coolidge

"People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them." -- Anatole France

"War is not nice." -- Barbara Bush

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." -- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

"The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable." -- Stephen Colbert

"Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way." -- Jane Austen

"A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits." -- Robert Heinlein

"Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Where all think alike, no one thinks very much." -- Walter Lippman

"To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood." -- George Santayana

"You know, God bless him, bless his heart, president of the United States, a total failure, losing all credibility with the American people on the economy, on the war, on energy, you name the subject." -- Nancy Pelosi

"Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise." -- Bertrand Russell

"One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child." -- Randall Jarrell

"I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane." -- Ray Bradbury

"I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it." -- Mary Chase

"Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about." -- Oscar Wilde

"My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared." -- PJ Plauger

"Why is prostitution illegal? Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn't selling fucking legal?" -- George Carlin

"Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt." — Clarence Darrow

"Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it." -- Senator Dianne Feinstein

"What happens when the future has come and gone?" -- Robert Half

"Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four." -- Katharine Hepburn

"Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us only sky. Imagine all the people living for today. Imagine there's no countries. It isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for. And no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace." -- John Lennon

"There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters." -- Alice Thomas Ellis

"That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false." -- Paul Valery

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." -- Burt Bacharach

"It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain." -- Mark Twain

"Nature made us... nature did it all... not the gods of the religions." -- Thomas A. Edison

"The Christian religion not only was at first attended with miracles, but even at this day cannot be believed by any reasonable person without one." -- David Hume

"There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time." -- Edith Wharton

"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." -- Baltasar Gracian

"To be great is to be misunderstood." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality." -- Beatrix Potter

"Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other." -- Honore de Balzac

"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money." -- Mark Twain

"Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations." -- Orson Welles

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." -- WH Auden

"The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced." -- Vic Gold

"Half of the American population believes that the universe is 6,000 years old. They are wrong about this. Declaring them so is not 'irreligious intolerance'. It is intellectual honesty. Given the astounding number of galaxies and potential worlds arrayed overhead, the complexities of life on earth and the advances in our ethical discourse over the last 2,000 years, the world's religions offer a view of reality that is now so utterly impoverished as to scarcely constitute a view of reality at all." -- Sam Harris

"We have a fundamental double standard here. We never respect stupidity in our society unless it is religious stupidity. This is what I think is so dangerous about religion. It allows people by the millions; perfectly sane, perfectly intelligent people, to believe what only lunatics or idiots could believe on their own." -- Sam Harris

"The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all." -- HL Mencken

"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more." -- Bill Hoest

"It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway." -- Evan Esar

"Ability will never catch up with the demand for it." -- Malcolm Forbes

"A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself." -- Henry Morgan

"In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be." -- Hubert H. Humphrey

"The only thing worse than a man you can't control is a man you can." -- Margo Kaufman

"A picture is made. You put a frame around it and move on. And one day you die. That is all there is to it." -- John Huston

"My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything - even if you have no clue what you're doing." -- Jessica Alba

"In five short months, the Bush administration will be done. A McCain victory would mean four more years of what we've had." -- Senator Evan Bayh (D-IN)

"A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor." -- Ring Lardner

"There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them." -- Emile Chartier

"The main things which seem to me important on their own account, and not merely as means to other things, are knowledge, art, instinctive happiness, and relations of friendship or affection." -- Bertrand Russell

"Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better." -- George Santayana

"When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody." -- W. S. Gilbert

"If Democrats expand their congressional majorities, prospects will be very good for consumers -- and bad for oil companies." -- Tyson Slocum

"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again." -- Rick Polito

"Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born." -- Fyodor Dostoevsky

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." -- George Best

"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." -- Richard Lewis

"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." -- George Bernard Shaw

"A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?" -- Don Marquis

"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars." -- Fred Allen

"A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors." -- William Ralph Inge

"Men who never get carried away should be." -- Malcolm Forbes

"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink." -- George Orwell

"My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists." -- Jean Rostand

"She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities." -- Henry James

"I don't care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better." -- Kevin Rose

"One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason." -- Oscar Wilde

"The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it." -- Daniel Webster

"Philosophy is a battle against the bewitchment of our intelligence by means of language." -- Ludwig Wittgenstein

"Men have become the tools of their tools." -- Henry David Thoreau

"Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?" -- Artemus Ward

"The average person thinks he isn't." -- Father Larry Lorenzoni

"You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun." -- Al Capone

"An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous." -- Henry Ford

"When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him." -- Thomas Szasz

"I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it." -- Queen Juliana

"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." -- Sacha Guitry

"I don't have to hate anymore." -- Patrica Barker, after becoming an atheist.

"I used to think it was a tough thing to be a Christian in this big, bad world. You want to see something interesting, try not being one. I'm much happier now. To be free from superstition and fear and guilt and the sin complex, to be able to think freely and objectively, is a tremendous relief." -- Norman Barker

"Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear." -- Alan Corenk

"I think it would be a good idea." -- Mahatma Gandhi

"In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from." -- Peter Ustinov

"Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can’t be taken on its own merits." -- Dan Barker

"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature." -- Tom Robbins

"Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well." -- Carrie Fisher

"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election." -- Bill Vaughan

"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth." -- George Bernard Shaw

"He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed." -- David Frost

"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -- ee cummings

"Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes." -- Mickey Mouse

"I have yet to see one completely unspoiled star, except for the animals - like Lassie." -- Edith Head

"Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers." -- Jimmy Breslin

"I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves." -- Bruce Grocott

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." -- Henny Youngman

"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest." -- Kilgore Trout

"Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own." -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality." -- Oscar Wilde

"A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat." -- Katharine Whitehorn

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." -- Edgar Allan Poe

"We have built no national temples but the Capitol; we consult no common oracle but the Constitution." -- Rufus Choate

"I didn't really say everything I said." -- Yogi Berra

"You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone." -- John Ciardi

"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness." -- Woody Allen

"If you have any doubts that we live in a society controlled by men, try reading down the index of contributors to a volume of quotations, looking for women's names." -- Elaine Gill

"Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are." -- Bertolt Brecht

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." -- Albert Einstein

"A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell." -- George Bernard Shaw

"No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session." -- Judge Gideon J. Tucker

"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others." -- Ambrose Bierce

"The sight of a planet through a telescope is worth all the course on astronomy; the shock of the electric spark in the elbow, outvalues all the theories." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'" -- Rita Rudner

"Life's like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending." -- Kermit the Frog

"She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B." -- Dorothy Parker

"You're never too old to become younger." -- Mae West

"Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us." -- Jerry Garcia

"What are the chances that our Nobel laureates in Chemistry and Physiology are raping kids with the frequency of Catholic priests? So I submit to you that when our scientists and our Atheist organizations start practicing suicide bombing and honor killing... when we start massing by the tens of thousands calling for the deaths of newspaper editors in response to cartoons... then let's talk about how Atheism erodes the basis of morality." -- Sam Harris

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together." -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"There's a reason we seperate Church and State. The reason for the richness and the diversity of religion in this nation is because of the seperation of Church and State, and there are people out there who can't wait to make this nation a nation of one religion... THEIR religion." -- Phil Donahue

"I am committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year." -- Walden O'Dell, CEO of electronic-voting machine maker Diebold, in a fund-raising letter to Republicans, 8/14/2003

"The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders." -- Foster's Law

"The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid." -- Art Spander

"My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." -- Vladimir Nabokov

"Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the sam figures to draw different conclusions." -- Evan Esar

"Some of my opponents do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it's a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that's what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards." -- Gov. Mike Huckabee

"Theologians will protest that the story of Abraham sacrificing Issac should not be taken as literal fact, and the appropriate response is two-fold. First, many, many people, even to this day, do take the whole of their scripture to be literal fact, and they have a great deal of political power over the rest of us, especially in the United States and in the Islamic world. Secondly, how should we take the story? As an alagory? Then an alagory for what? Surely nothing praiseworthy. As a moral lesson? Then what kind of lesson could be derived from this appalling story?" -- Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion

"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people." -- Lucille S. Harper

"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." -- Sir Richard Steele

"The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce, and gives it some of the grace of tragedy." -- Steven Weinberg

"This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book - it makes a very poor doorstop." -- Alfred Hitchcock

"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?" -- Steven Wright

"Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much." -- John Wayne

"You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience." -- Stanislaw J. Lec

"The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and all time." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence." -- Frank Zappa

"The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel

"The significance of man is that he is insignificant and is aware of it." -- Carl Becker

"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them." -- Jane Austen

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." -- Ellen Goodman

"Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either." -- Evan Esar

"Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either." -- Gore Vidal

"I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me." -- Chris Rapier

"It's not enough to bash in heads. You've got to bash in minds." -- Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon

"Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find." -- Peter Ustinov

"There's no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there's no excuse for boredom, ever." -- Viggo Mortensen

"Not one man in a thousand has the strength of mind or the goodness of heart to be an atheist." -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level." -- Quentin Crisp

"I know nothing about sex because I was always married." -- Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?" -- James Thurber

"There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted." -- James Branch Cabell

"Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others." -- Jules Renard

"What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!" -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"Realism has no more to do with reality than anything else." -- Hob Broun

"I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry." -- Randall Jarrell

"Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." -- Henry David Thoreau

"I will follow Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell." -- John McCain, during the first Republican debate

"I’m not going to go there and here’s why, because Pakistan is a sovereign nation." -- John McCain, on Larry King Live, answering a question whether he would send a strike team into Pakistan to bring Osama bin Laden to justice.

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." -- Oscar Wilde

"Any war that requires the suspension of reason as a necessity for support is a bad war." -- Norman Mailer

"What's been shown to America over the last eight years is that some of the ideas that the Republicans have implemented are old and don't work for the world anymore or for our country anymore and really they've served a small percentage of people." -- Anthony Kiedis

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." -- Martin Luther King Jr.

"Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking." -- Clement Atlee

"There are more of them than us." -- Herb Caen

"Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once." -- Tallulah Bankhead

"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity." -- Tom Stoppard

"Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel

"The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum." -- Havelock Ellis

"Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind." -- E. B. White

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." -- Jack Handy

"The Republican brand is in the trash can. If we were dog food, they would take us off the shelf." -- Rep. Tom David (R-VA)

"Everything you've learned in school as 'obvious' becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines." -- R. Buckminster Fuller

"A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men." -- Anonymous

"Shepherds don't look after sheep because they love them... although I do think some shepherds like their sheep too much. They look after their sheep so they can, first, fleece them and second, turn them into meat. That’s much more like the priesthood as I know it." -- Christopher Hitchens

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing." -- Oscar Wilde

"We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong." -- Bill Vaughan

"We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts." -- John Dewey

"Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it." -- Jules Renard

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." -- Douglas Adams

"They call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!" -- George Carlin

"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." -- Beryl Pfizer

"The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'" -- Roy Blount Jr.

"War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory." -- Georges Clemenceau

"One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity." -- Andrew Carnegie

"I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits." -- David Hoselton

"My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years." -- Cathy Ladman

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." -- Albert Camus

"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before... He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"When Obama starts a pre-emptive war and then fucks it up, and makes torture our official policy, and outs a CIA agent, and purges US attorneys, and tries to put his cleaning lady on the Supreme Court, and doesn't act on global warming, and appoints as the head of FEMA an ex-dildo salesman who was his college roommate... you know, that kind of stuff? Believe me, I'll be with you, but until then, I don't want to see Republicans freaking out if Obama isn't singing the National Anthem loud enough, or they find out he gets his suits made in France. If he puts a moon roof in the Presidential limo, he's not making himself Fuhrer, he's just trying to get the smell of stupidity out of the seats. And mostly, I don't want to hear about ACORN. Your guy lost by 8 million votes. Just because you don't know any black people doesn't mean they don't exist. So that's it. No special prosecuters, no trumped up investigations. If Republicans really want to look into something for the next 4 years, my suggestion: try a mirror." -- Bill Maher, 11/7/2008

"So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause." -- George Lucas

"I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." -- Gilda Radner

"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled." -- Sir Barnett Cocks

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"As I grow older , I regret to say that a detestable habit of thinking seems to be getting a hold of me." -- H. Rider Haggard

"Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." -- Flannery O'Connor

"I have read your book and much like it." -- Moses Hadas

"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?" -- Lily Tomlin

"New Rule: The rest of the world can go back to being completely jealous of America. Our majority white country just freely elected a black president, something no other democracy has ever done. Take that Canada! Where's your nubian warrior president? Your head of state is a boring white dude named Steven Harper, and mine is a kick-ass black ninja named Barack Hussein Obama!" -- Bill Maher, 11/14/2008

"In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is." -- Gertrude Stein

"Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion." -- Robertson Davies

"Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder." -- Laurence J. Peter

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." -- Clarence Darrow

"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after." -- Slovenian Proverb

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn

"The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless." -- Paul Johnson

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." -- George Burns

"If little else, the brain is an educational toy." -- Tom Robbins

"Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage." -- Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum

"The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also hate this friends." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." -- Mark Twain

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog." -- Doug Larson

"Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same." -- George Bernard Shaw

"It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims." -- Aristotle

"Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving." -- Penn Jillette

"All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others." -- Cyril Connolly

"I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience." -- Shelley Winters

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it." -- Pablo Picasso

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking." -- Dave Barry

"The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking." -- Louis Vermeil

"The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague." -- Bill Cosby

"The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance." -- Laurence J. Peter

"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree." -- Charles Baudelaire

"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." -- Soren Kierkegaard

"In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"At this season of THE WINTER SOLSTICE may reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds." -- Winter Solstice display at the Washinton State Capitol, 2008

"I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence." -- Garry Trudeau

"The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change." -- Seth MacFarlane

"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." -- John F. Kennedy

"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them." -- P. G. Wodehouse

"Television is for appearing on - not for looking at." -- Noel Coward

"I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some." -- Herbert Rappaport

"Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal." -- Woody Allen

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -- Aristotle

"Of those who say nothing, few are silent." -- Thomas Neill

"Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology." -- Rebecca West

"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." -- Jimmy Buffett

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." -- Noel Coward

"Only the dead have known the end of war." -- Plato

"I comdemn false prophets, I condemn the effort to take away the power of rational decision, to drain people of their free will... and a hell of a lot of money in the bargain. Religions vary in their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all. For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain." -- Gene Roddenberry

"Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another." -- Anatole France

"Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy." -- Charles Peters

"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler

"Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things." -- Robert Louis Stevenson

"Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death." -- Lynn Johnston

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." -- Dorothy Parker

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." -- Hermann Hesse

"The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotation." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.'" -- Oscar Levant

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." -- Don Marquis

"The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time." -- Orson Welles

"If nobody spoke unless he had something to say, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"I don't have an English accent because this is what English sounds like when spoken properly." -- James Carr

"All science is either physics or stamp collecting." -- Ernest Rutherford

"People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust." -- E. B. White

"We do on stage things that are supposed to happen off. Which is a kind of integrity, if you look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else." -- Tom Stoppard

"The artist doesn't have time to listen to the critics. The ones who want to be writers read the reviews, the ones who want to write don't have the time to read reviews." -- William Faulkner

"One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar." -- Oscar Wilde

"Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything." -- Henri Poincare

"Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything." -- Herb Caen

"We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine." -- H. L. Mencken

"The euro will raise the citizens' awareness of their belonging to one Europe more than any other integration step to date." -- Gerhard Schroeder

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." -- President Barack Obama

"It is bad luck to be superstitious." -- Andrew W. Mathis

"The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible." -- Jean Kerr

"Primarily, the drummer's supposed to sit back there and swing the band." -- Buddy Rich

"Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money." -- Jules Renard

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." -- Dr. Suess

"Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visted by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen." -- P. J. O'Rourke

"Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good." -- Samuel Johnson

"A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students." -- John Ciardi

"If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men." -- Russell P. Askue

"A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience." -- John Updike

"The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

"Start every day with a smile, and get it over with." -- W.C. Fields

"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion." -- Steven Weinberg

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." -- Dan Quayle

"Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it." -- George Orwell

"The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office." -- H. L. Mencken

"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes." -- Doctor Who

"Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people." -- Philip Guedalla

"Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business." -- Tom Robbins

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day." -- Mickey Rooney

"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside." -- Mark Twain

"I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'" -- Jack Handey

"The only thing I like about rich people is their money." -- Nancy Astor

"When love is gone, there's always justice./ And when justice is gone, there's always force./ And when force is gone, there's always Mom./ Hi, Mom!" -- Laurie Anderson

"Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard." -- Mark Twain

"I walk on untrodden ground. There is scarcely any part of my conduct which may not hereafter be drawn into precedent." -- George Washington

"Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely." -- Hesketh Pearson

"A quotation, like a pun, should come unsought, and then be welcomed only for some propriety of felicity justifying the intrusion." -- Robert Chapman

"If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." -- Bob Hope

"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding." -- H. H. Williams

"Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" — Bob Marley

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." -- Niels Bohr

"When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both." -- Al Franken

"I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed." - James Thurber

"Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them." -- Pam Davis

"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things." -- Jilly Cooper

"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur." -- Doug Larson

"Writing well mean never having to say, 'I guess you had to be there.'" -- Jef Mallett

"Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised." -- Marilyn Manson

“I just don’t understand how anyone would want to be a Republican. I just can’t figure it. I don’t understand. If you’re poor, if you’re any kind of minority – gay, black, Latino, anything. If you’re not a rich born-again-Christian, I don’t get it.” -- Cher

"When ideas fail, words come in very handy." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"It's not a matter of whether or not someone's watching over you. It's just a question of their intentions." -- Randy K. Milholland

"When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice." -- Marquis de la Grange

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered." -- Tom Stoppard

"Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time." -- Norman Ford

"I believe that professional wrestling is clean and everything else in the world is fixed." -- Frank Deford

"Life is an unbroken succession of false situations." -- Thornton Wilder

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand." -- Putt's Law

"There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery." -- Dr. Joyce Brothers

"Great part of being a grownup, you never have to do anything." -- Peter Blake

"Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily." -- George Santayana

"The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane." -- Mark Twain

"I do not know which makes a man more conservative—to know nothing but the present, or nothing but the past." -- John Maynard Keynes

"Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings." -- George F. Will

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow." -- Evan Esar

"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river." -- Nikita Khrushchev

"Anybody who tells you they know... they just know what happens when you die... I promise you, you don't. How can I be so sure? Because I don't know, and you do not possess mental powers that I do not. The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the "big questions" is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble, and that's what man needs considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong." -- Bill Maher

"With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'" -- Mitch Hedberg

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." -- Fran Lebowitz

"There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else." -- Cullen Hightower

"Conceit is God's gift to little men." -- Bruce Barton

"It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose." -- Darrin Weinberg

"Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality." -- Nikola Tesla

"No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately." -- Michel de Montaigne

"Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist." -- Harrison Ford

"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles." -- Frank Lloyd Wright

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style." -- Quentin Crisp

"The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one." -- Albert Einstein

"The truth is always a compound of two half-truths, and you never reach it, because there is always something more to say." -- Tom Stoppard

"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before." -- Rita Rudner

"We are generally the better persuaded by the reasons we discover ourselves than by those given to us by others." -- Blaise Pascal

"I have seen the future and it doesn't work." -- Robert Fulford

"Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything." -- Charles Kuralt

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." -- Robert Benchley

"We had to struggle with the old enemies of peace --- business and financial monopoly, speculation, reckless banking, class antagonism, sectionalism, war profiteering. Never before in all our history have these forces been so united against one candidate as they stand today. They are unanimous in their hate for me. And I welcome their hatred!" -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 1936

"A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name." -- Evan Esar

"I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them." -- E. V. Lucas

"Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy." -- Janet Long

"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic." -- Ambrose Bierce

"What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds." -- Cindy Gardner

"The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past." -- Robertson Davies

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -- Victor Borge

"s sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care." -- William Safire

"For an omnipotent and omniscient being, God has made some really lousy earthly staffing decisions." -- John Cole

"I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it." -- William Gibson

"The Republican base is now made up of religious and neoconservative ideologues, and the uneducated white underclass with a token person of color or two up front on TV to obscure the all-white, all-reactionary, all-backward, 'there-is-no-global-warming' rube reality. Actual conservatives, let alone the educated classes, have long since fled." -- Frank Schaeffer, 3/1/2009

"You Republicans are the arsonists who burned down our national home. Now you have the nerve to criticize the 'architect' America just hired - President Obama - to rebuild from the ashes." -- Frank Schaeffer

"Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?" -- Jay Leno

"The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us." -- Paul Valery

"A celebrity is one who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn't know." -- H. L. Mencken

"What a welcome change to feel like someone is running the country instead of running it into the ground. President Obama has done more in eight weeks than George W. Bush did in eight years --- unless you include starting a couple of wars." -- Jack Cafferty, 3/17/2009

"The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Cynically speaking, one could say that it is true to life to be cynical about it." -- Paul Tillich

"Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored." -- George Saunders

"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life." -- Robert Byrne

"It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them." -- Isabel Colegate

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true." -- Dorothy Parker

"These days an income is something you can't live without... or within." -- Tom Wilson

"Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind." -- Marston Bates

"Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them." -- Robertson Davies

"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose." -- Andy Rooney

"America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up." -- Oscar Wilde

"I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't." -- Jules Renard

"Science flies humans to the moon. Religion flies humans into buildings." -- Victor Stenger, American physicist

"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -- Mark Twain

"When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane." -- Hermann Hesse

"Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his." -- Franklin P. Jones

"When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong." -- R. Buckminster Fuller

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend." -- Emo Phillips

"For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed." -- Clifton Fadiman

"Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading." -- G. M. Trevelyan

"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley

"Silence propagates itself, and the longer talk has been suspended, the more difficult it is to find anything to say." -- Samuel Johnson

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." -- J. Paul Getty

"None are so busy as the fool and knave." -- John Dryden

"I have often depended on the blindness of strangers." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff

“I know a little about a lot of things. But I don’t know a lot about everything." -- Joe the Plumber

"Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." -- Don Marquis

"There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it." -- Cicero

"A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece." -- Ludwig Erhard

"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic." -- Doris Egan

"The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them." -- Kin Hubbard

"When you're through changing, you're through." -- Bruce Barton

"Humankind cannot stand very much reality." -- T. S. Eliot

"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." -- Russell Baker

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." -- Abraham Maslow

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." -- Will Rogers

"It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead." -- Dame Rose Macaulay

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon." -- Napoleon Bonaparte

"Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content." -- Louis L'Amour

"The road to hell is paved with adverbs." -- Stephen King

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"History is more or less bunk." -- Henry Ford

"If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way." -- Bertrand Russell

"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something." -- Robert Heinlein

"If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?" -- Harry Shearer

"To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all." -- Peter McWilliams

"By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean." -- Mark Twain

"Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student." -- George Iles

"Virtue is its own punishment." -- Aneurin Bevan

"We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing." -- R. D. Laing

"The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it." -- Laurence J. Peter

"A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows." -- Mark Twain

"The big issues for normal people are the economy, the war, the environment, mending fences with our allies and enemies, and the rule of law. Now here' s the list of Republican obsessions since Obama took office: his birth certificate is fake, he uses a teleprompter too much, he bowed to a Saudi guy, Europeans like him, he gives inappropriate gifts, and his wife shamefully flaunts her upper arms. Oh, and he shook hands with Hugo Chavez and accepted a book from him, rubbing Conservative noses in the fact that our new president can read. It's sad what happened to the Republicans. They used to be a party of the big tent. Now they're the party of the side-show attraction." -- Bill Maher, 4/24/2009

"Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately." -- Scott Adams

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." -- Jack Handey

"Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind." -- Evan Esar

"Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." -- Albert Einstein

"Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both." -- John Andrew Holmes

"We are at the very beginning of time for the human race. It is not unreasonable that we grapple with problems. But there are tens of thousands of years in the future. Our responsibility is to do what we can, learn what we can, improve the solutions, and pass them on." -- Richard Feynman

"I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there." -- Fred Allen

"I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist." -- Sally Kempton

"An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person." -- Joseph Addison

"If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and no-one dares criticize it." -- Pierre Gallois

"Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree... yeah, makes perfect sense." -- Author Unknown

"The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it." -- Mark Twain

"Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted." -- Hesketh Pearson

"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball." -- Doug Larson

"We are the people our parents warned us about." -- Jimmy Buffett

"My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any." -- Katharine Whitehorn

"We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us." -- Samuel Johnson

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets." -- Unknown

"I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert." -- Demetri Martin

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." -- Terry Pratchett

"There is no such thing as 'fun for the whole family.'" -- Jerry Seinfeld

"Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true." -- Bertrand Russell

"A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure." -- Segal's Law

"People find life entirely too time-consuming." -- Stanislaw J. Lec

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its soul." -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." -- Steven Wright

"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat." -- Will Rogers

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt." -- Dean Martin

"The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness." -- Andre Malraux

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." -- Abraham Lincoln

"The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were." -- David Brinkley

“To those – to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.” -- President-Elect Barack Obama, 11-04-08

"The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere." -- Robert A. Heinlein

"University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small." -- Henry Kissinger

"This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back?" -- Marcus Brigstocke

"The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect." -- Esther Dyson

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." -- Ogden Nash

"Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd." -- Edith Sitwell

"'Whom are you?' he asked, for he had attended business college." -- George Ade

"If you think you understand quantum theory, you don't understand quantum theory." -- Richard Feynman

"The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois." -- Gustave Flaubert

"All power corrupts, but we need the electricity." -- Unknown

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -- Hanlon's Razor

"Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong." -- Dr. Thomas Fuller

"Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy." -- Isaac Newton

"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." -- Oscar Wilde

"There is no better exercise for the heart than reaching down and lifting up another person." -- John A. Holmer

"Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears." -- Robert W. Sarnoff

"Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons." -- Bertrand Russell

"Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up." -- Wilson Mizner

"Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?" -- James Thurber

"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." -- Rita Mae Brown

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally." -- W. C. Fields

"A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past, he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future." -- Sidney J. Harris

"The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided." -- Casey Stengel

"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." -- Florynce Kennedy

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." -- Henry David Thoreau

"There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income." -- Edmund Wilson

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." -- Wendell Johnson

"A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time." -- George Iles

"Where all think alike, no one thinks very much." -- Walter Lippmann

"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings." -- Laurence J. Peter

"I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her." -- New York City detective

"If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years." -- Bertrand Russell

"Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself." -- Jane Wagner

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it." -- Dan Quayle

"I no more believe in the Biblical God than I believe in Zeus, Isis, Thor and the thousands of other dead gods that lie buried in the mass grave we call 'mythology'. I doubt them all equally and for the same reason: lack of evidence." -- Sam Harris

"You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider." -- Robert Frost

"It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything." -- Unknown

"There are more fools in the world than there are people." -- Heinrich Heine

"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." -- Douglas Adams

"I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated." -- Poul Anderson

"Reality is something you rise above." -- Liza Minnelli

"Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor." -- Robert Frost

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity." -- George Bernard Shaw

"He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit." -- Unknown

"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." -- Bert Leston Taylor

"By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." -- Charles Wadsworth

"People will buy anything that is one to a customer." -- Sinclair Lewis

"If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging." -- Joe Martin

"I have suffered a great deal from writers who have quoted this or that sentence of mine either out of its context or in juxtaposition to some incongruous matter which quite distorted my meaning , or destroyed it altogether." -- Alfred North Whitehead

"There are times when an abortion is necessary. I know that. When you have a black and a white." -- Richard Nixon

"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive." -- Samuel Goldwyn

"Confusion is always the most honest response." -- Marty Indik

"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." -- Isaac Asimov

"Political advertising ought to be stopped. It's the only really dishonest kind of advertising that's left." -- David M. Ogilvy

"The higher the buildings, the lower the morals." -- Noel Coward

"Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one." -- A. J. Liebling

"He who builds a better mousetrap these days runs into material shortages, patent-infringement suits, work stoppages, collusive bidding, discount discrimination... and taxes." -- H. E. Martz

"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers

"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." -- Sam Brown

"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like." -- Abraham Lincoln

"The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key deciscions made by religious people. By irrationalists. By those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken." -- Bill Maher

"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow." -- Woodrow Wilson

"There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'" -- Frederick L Collins

"'Faith' means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith and enable and elevate it are our intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction." -- Bill Maher

"Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think that they do." -- Bill Maher

"There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste." -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice." -- George Jackson

"If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death." -- Eddie Izzard

"He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain." -- Mark Twain

"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths." -- Bertrand Russell

"If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives." -- Marlon Brando

"I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to." -- Dave Barry

"By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination." — Christopher Columbus

"The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79." -- Douglas Adams

"Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half." -- John Wanamaker

"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer." -- Henry Kissinger

"In heaven all the interesting people are missing." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down." -- Russell Baker

"Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked." -- Peter de Vries

"I don't like composers who think. It gets in the way of their plagiarism." -- Howard Dietz

"I went to my friend's house one day, and he had an electric guitar he had just bought with a tiny little amp. I turned the volume up to 10 and I hit one chord, and I said, I'm in love." -- Ace Frehley

"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company." -- Gian Vincenzo Gravina

"Everything you can imagine is real." -- Pablo Picasso

"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers." — Dave Barry

"Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new." -- Henry David Thoreau

"Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster." -- Quentin Crisp

"No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit." -- Sir Frederick G. Banting

"It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations." -- Walter Bagehot

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." -- George Burns

"Love can be sordid only if you work at it." -- Brooke McEldowney

"I look at what the phone company does and do the opposite." -- Craig Newmark

"Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits." -- Stephen Leacock

"The smaller the mind the greater the conceit." -- Aesop

"A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance." -- Anatole France

"An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it." -- Jef Mallett

"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious." -- Brendan Gill

"If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody." -- Agatha Christie

"Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillips

"Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him." -- Paul Eldridge

"When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page." -- Bill Clinton

"Politics is made up largely of irrelevancies." -- Dalton Camp

"Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer." -- Charles Caleb Colton

"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are." -- Gensha, Zen Master

"Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished." -- Leslie Nielsen

"Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If all the medicine in the world were thrown into the sea, it would be bad for the fish and good for humanity." -- O.W. Holmes, MD, Professer of Medicine, Harvard University

"The nice thing about doing a crossword puzzle is, you know there is a solution." — Stephen Sondheim

"People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure." -- Russell Baker

"The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion." -- G. K. Chesterton

"The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time." -- Willem de Kooning

"The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too." -- Oscar Levant

"I have become death, destroyer of worlds." -- J. Robert Oppenheimer, after the first atomic explosion.

"War does not determine who is right... only who is left." — Bertrand Russell

"Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning." -- Marlo Thomas

"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." -- Mickey Mantle

"When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary." -- William Wrigley Jr.

"Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once." -- Evan Esar

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." -- H. P. Lovecraft

"The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution." -- Bertrand Russell

"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is." -- Will Durst

"The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it." -- Glaser and Way

"I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle." -- Robert Benchley

"I have such poor vision I can date anybody." -- Garry Shandling

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby

"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad." -- Norm Papernick

"The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think." -- Edwin Schlossberg

"Humor is just another defense against the universe." -- Mel Brooks

"A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward." -- Jean Paul Richter

"We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know." -- W. H. Auden

"In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are." -- Nicholas Chamfort

"The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work." -- Richard Bach

"No human thing is of serious importance." -- Plato

"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." -- Robert Frost

"The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart." -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"Obama says he wants kids to study hard, which we all know is a slippery slope to becoming a Nazi." -- Conservative mother on Obama's speech to school kids.

"In a country of three hundred million people there are a lot of stupid people too, because if you believe that's it's somehow unhealthy for kids for the President to say work hard and stay in school, you're stupid. In fact, I'm worried for some of those kids of those parents who are upset. I'm not sure they're smart enough to raise those kids." -- John Harwood

"If a thing isn't worth saying, you sing it." -- Pierre Beaumarchais

"It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of." -- Randy K. Milholland

"Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms." -- Alan Corenk

"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?" -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy." -- Spike Milligan

"There's an old saying in the space community: 'If God wanted us to be a spacefaring species, he would have given us a moon'." -- Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Astrophysicist

"Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much." -- Peter Ustinov

"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity." -- Harlan Ellison

"There is no greater importance in all the world like knowing you are right and that the wave of the world is wrong, yet the wave crashes upon you." -- Norman Mailer

"At the present rate of progress, it is almost impossible to imagine any technical feat that cannot be achieved - if it can be achieved at all - within the next few hundred years." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish." -- Aeschylus

"After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood." -- Fred Thompson

"When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public." -- Vilhjalmur Stefansson

"The Cosmos is all that there is or ever was or ever will be. Our feeblest contemplations of the Cosmos stir us—there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation, as if a distant memory, of falling from a height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries." -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos, 1980

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." -- Paul Beatty

"I think you might be confusing 'tyranny' with 'losing'. And I feel for you, because I've been there. A few times. In fact, one of them was a bit of a nail biter. But see, when the guy that you disagree with gets elected, he's probably going to do things you disagree with. He could cut taxes on the wealthy, remove Government's oversight capability, invade a country that you thought should not be invaded, but that's not tyranny. That's democracy. See, now you're in the minority. It's supposed to taste like a shit taco." -- Jon Stewart, to Conservatives who are calling Barack Obama's policies 'tyranny'.

"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it." -- Flannery O'Connor

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." -- Barry LePatner

"The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman." -- Randy K. Milholland

"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public." -- Robert Morley

"You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave." -- Sydney Smith

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." -- Anais Nin

"After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations." -- H. L. Mencken

"Here's a tip to avoid death by celebrity: First off, get a life. They can't touch you if you're out doing something interesting." -- Kent Nichols and Douglas Sarine

"First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity." -- Martin Myers

"When a thing has been said and well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it." -- Anatole France

"Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250" -- Harper's Index

"The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand." -- Lewis Thomas

"People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children." -- Bill Watterson

"Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them." -- Franklin P. Adams

"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped." -- Sam Levenson

"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." -- Groucho Marx

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." -- Douglas Adams

"The bad news is that God does not exist. The good news is that you don't need him." -- Italian Union of Rationalist Atheists and Agnostics.

"I love acting. It is so much more real than life." -- Oscar Wilde

"I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body." -- Elayne Boosler

"We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years." -- Nick Faldo

"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead." -- Erma Bombeck

"On Tuesday, Conservative radio host and snowman model Rush Limbaugh made a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. Folks, this is great! Rush is the perfect guy to own the Rams. Like a ram, he butts heads with his enemies, and you can also shave his back to make a lovely sweater. Now, the Rams have had their problems. Since 2007, they have amassed 5 wins and 31 losses. But this is perfect for Rush. He's used to having losers turn to him for leadership." -- Stephen Colbert, 10/8/2009

"Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it." -- Samuel Johnson

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Bill Watterson

"Religion doesn't belong anywhere near a fucking science book. The whole point of religion is to reject science. That's it's job. Religion cannot survive without rejecting new ideas. That's the whole point. Science says the Earth is million of years old. Religion rejects it. Science says homosexuality is genetic. Religion rejects that too. Science says, 'Hey! You can't come back from the dead!' Religion says, 'Hey! Rejected!' And that's fine! If that's the way you want to do things, that's perfectly OK. But if you're gonna reject science then you can't start planting your shit in science books! How can you be that fucking stupid?" -- 2, the Ranting Gryphon, commenting on "Intelligent Design".

"If you develop an ear for sounds that are musical it is like developing an ego. You begin to refuse sounds that are not musical and that way cut yourself off from a good deal of experience." -- John Cage

"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion." -- George Bernard Shaw

"It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man." -- H. L. Mencken

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" -- Jean Cocteau

"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin." -- Cardinal Robert Bellarmine, Trial of Galileo, 1615

"The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible." -- David M. Ogilvy

"Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people." -- Robert Benchley

"My toughest fight was with my first wife." -- Muhammad Ali

"All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it." -- H. L. Mencken

"About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment." -- Josh Billings

"Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less." -- Rabbi Julius Gordon

"To be willing to die for an idea is to set a rather high price on conjecture." -- Anatole France

"There is an evil tendency underlying all our technology - the tendency to do what is reasonable even when it isn't any good." -- Robert Pirsig

"It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy." -- James Thurber

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." -- Orson Welles

"Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better." -- Randy K. Milholland

"You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself." -- Sam Levenson

"When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice." -- Otto von Bismarck

"It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously." -- Peter Ustinov

"My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'" -- Jeff Foxworthy

"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted." -- Aldous Huxley

''I hate guns. One of the things I don't admire about America is their slavish love of guns. We do not want the American disease imported into Australia." -- John Howard, Australian prime minister

"Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius." -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

"I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move. You're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you're a table." -- Mitch Hedberg

"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch." -- Jane Wagner

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me." -- Dave Barry

"A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling." -- Arthur Brisbane

"Television has raised writing to a new low." -- Samuel Goldwyn

"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?" -- Laurence J. Peter

"Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies." -- Edgar Watson Howe

"News flash for the 'religious right' from this column-writing Jesus freak: Christmas is not the only religious observance taking place at this time of year, and millions of Americans do not recognize Jesus as 'the One' nor give gifts to honor him." -- Ruth Ann Dailey, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

"The will to be stupid is a very powerful force, but there are always alternatives." -- Lois McMaster Bujold

"They certainly give very strange names to diseases." -- Plato

"The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than you can be." -- Walter Bagehot

"A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor." -- Victor Hugo

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." -- Chinese Proverb

"No writer has exceeded Paine in ease and familiarity of style; in perspicuity of expression, happiness of elucidation, and in simple unassuming language." -- Thomas Jefferson

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself." -- Jessamyn West

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." -- Oscar Wilde

"For I dipt in to the future, far as human eye could see; Saw the vision of the world, and all the wonder that would be..." -- Alfred Tennyson

"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." -- Robert Orben

"The way to write American music is simple. All you have to do is be an American and then write any kind of music you wish." -- Virgil Thomson

"The time has come for people of reason to say: enough is enough. Religious faith discourages independent thought, it's divisive, and it's dangerous." -- Richard Dawkins

"A finger points at the moon, but the moon is not at the tip of the finger. Words points at the truth, but the truth is not in words." -- Huineng

"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology." -- Clive James

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -- William Blake

"What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day." -- George Bernard Shaw

"If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it." -- Arthur Schopenhauer

"By the time we've made it, we've had it." -- Malcolm Forbes

"Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there wouldn't be religious people." -- Doris Egan

"Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact." -- Bertrand Russell

"The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think." -- Horace Walpole

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." -- Mary Wilson Little

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast." -- Oscar Wilde

"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff." -- Frank Zappa

"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." -- Bernard Berenson

"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." -- Redd Foxx

"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion." -- Abraham Lincoln

"The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums." -- G. K. Chesterton

"A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck." -- Adam Clayton Powell Jr.

"I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves." -- Ludwig Wittgenstein

"See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories." -- Ray Bradbury

"As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything." -- George Carlin

"The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep." -- Alan Patrick Herbert

"With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another." -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." -- Rita Rudner

"My marriage had its ups and downs like anyone's, but when it came down to it, I knew it was solid. I miss that sort of security, and that sort of connection with someone." -- John Scalzi

"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities." -- Frank Lloyd Wright

"I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious." -- David Letterman

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is." -- Chuck Reid

"I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother." -- Artemus Ward

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities." -- Aldous Huxley

"Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment." -- R. Buckminster Fuller

"My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August." -- Ronnie Shakes

"Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone." -- Hodding Carter

"Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." -- Lewis Carroll

"In this business you either sink or swim or you don't." -- David Smith

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege." -- Unknown

"Both the cockroach and the bird would get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most." -- Joseph Wood Krutch

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart." -- Fred Allen

"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport." -- George Winters

"If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city." -- Charles Caleb Colton

"Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune." -- Kin Hubbard

"Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it." -- David Sedaris

"If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had." -- I. F. Stone

"Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." -- Soren Kierkegaard

"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater." -- Gail Godwin

"Oregano is the spice of life." -- Henry J. Tillman

"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -- Fran Lebowitz

"I find nothing more depressing than optimism." -- Paul Fussell

"There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through. There needs to be a monster truck option." -- Jeph Jacques

"It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong." -- G. K. Chesterton

"A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world." -- Edmond de Goncourt

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'" -- Isaac Asimov

"I know what's right or wrong, and my belief is stronger than your advice. People, they go to war because religion gives them a reason to fight." -- Pantera, from the song "Heresy"

"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics forecast in 1949

"The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful." -- Frederick Locker-Lampson

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." -- Albert Schweitzer

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place." -- Steven Wright

"Reality continues to ruin my life." -- Bill Watterson

"I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies." -- Thomas Jefferson

"Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down." -- Hector Berlioz

"Partying is such sweet sorrow." -- Robert Byrne

"The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer." -- From the 1985 movie "Bliss"

"Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music." -- Marcus Brigstocke

"The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war." -- E. B. White

"The power of hiding ourselves from one another is mercifully given, for men are wild beasts, and would devour one another but for this protection." -- Henry Ward Beecher

"An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible." -- Alfred A. Knopf

"If Atheists are lonely and downtrodden, we have only ourselves to blame. Numerically, we are strong. Let's start punching our weight." -- Tom Flynn

"An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens." -- Robert Benchley

"We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything." -- Thomas A. Edison

"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it." -- Dick Cavett

"Luminous beings are we; not this crude matter." -- Jedi Master Yoda

"A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all." -- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"Man is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness from which he emerges and the infinity in which he is engulfed." -- Blaise Pascal

"I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth." -- Carl Sandburg

"There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them." -- Casey Stengel

"One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation." -- Oscar Wilde

"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I can indeed hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe and this would include my Father Brother and almost all of my friends will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine." -- Charles Darwin

"Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away." -- Sir Thomas Beecham

"The truth is more important than the facts." -- Frank Lloyd Wright

"The graveyards are full of indispensable men." -- Charles de Gaulle

"Never judge a book by its movie." -- J. W. Eagan

"Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes." -- Voltaire

"Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Take this prophecy notion... that events in the New Testament confirm Old Testament prophecy. In the book of Micah chapter 5 it says that the Messiah will be born in Bethlehem, and then, low and behold, in Matthew chapter 2, Jesus is born in Bethlehem. This is rather like events in the first volume of 'The Lord of the Rings' being confirmed by events in the third volume." -- Sam Harris

"Like I always say, there's no 'I' in 'team'. There is a 'me', though, if you jumble it up." -- David Shore

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -- Thomas A. Edison

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." -- H. G. Wells

"I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness." -- James Thurber

"I never vote for anyone; I always vote against." -- W. C. Fields

"Sarah Palin is an empty vessel ready to be filled by ideology that she doesn't even understand, and that is really scary. Nothing is more frightening than an empty vessel in power." -- Chris Matthews

"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised." -- George F. Will

"Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing." -- Wernher von Braun

"The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him." -- Henry Stimson

"There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool." -- L. M. Boyd

"An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory." -- Friedrich Engels

"Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you... if you don't play, you can't win." -- Robert Heinlein

"I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself." -- Marlene Dietrich

"Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them." -- Dr. Martin Henry Fischer

"Humor is also a way of saying something serious." -- T. S. Eliot

"The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you." -- Nancy Astor

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets." -- Voltaire

"It’s all a matter of ideas, and god is just one idea that I don’t accept. Now, it’s not important. I'm not gonna go out and be immoral or commit crimes because I don’t believe in god. I don’t even think about it. It’s just that I get so tired of him getting the credit for all the things the human race achieves through its own stubborn effort. There is simply no god! There's only Man, and it’s he who makes miracles!" -- Lorraine Hansberry, "Raisin In The Sun"

"As my ancestors are free from slavery, I am free from the slavery of religion." -- Butterfly McQueen

"Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship." -- Harry S Truman

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect." -- George Carlin

"The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern." -- Lord Acton

“Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all—the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.” -- Mark Twain, on his deathbed.

"There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read." -- G. K. Chesterton

"By the time I'd grown up, I naturally supposed that I'd be grown up." -- Eve Babitz

"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." -- A. H. Weiler

"An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a church. An Atheist believes that deed must be done instead of prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanished, war eliminated." -- Madalyn Murray O'Hair

"For God so loved the world that he made up his mind to damn a large majority of the human race." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"I want no heaven for which I must give my reason; no happiness in exchange for my liberty, and no immortality that demands the surrender of my individuality. Better rot in the windowless tomb, to which there is no door but the red mouth of the pallid worm, than to wear the jeweled collar of a god." -- Robert G. Ingersoll

"The chuch lives on the fact that modern research about Jesus is not known amongst the public." -- Hans Konzelmann

"It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living." -- Eric Hoffer

"Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content." -- Paul Valery

"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question." -- Albert Camus

"The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it." -- P. B. Medawar

"It is by all means to be believed, because it is absurd; the fact is certain, because it is impossible." -- Father Tertullian, De Carne Christi, ch. 5: ANF. 3: 525.

"To find yourself, think for yourself." -- Socrates 469 BCE

"The very concept of sin comes from the bible. Christianity offers to solve a problem of its own making! Would you be thankful to a person who cut you with a knife in order to sell you a bandage?" -- Dan Barker, from his book "Losing Faith in Faith: From Preacher to Atheist"

"The only obligation to which in advance we may hold a novel, without incurring the accusation of being arbitrary, is that it be interesting." -- Henry James

"When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package." -- John Ruskin

"In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right." -- Ellen Goodman

"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes." -- Henry David Thoreau

"Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off." -- Ellen DeGeneres

"The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know." -- Will Rogers

"It is a common delusion that you make things better by talking about them." -- Dame Rose Macaulay

"Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled." -- Michael Crichton

"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." -- George Bernard Shaw

"Seek simplicity, and distrust it." -- Alfred North Whitehead

"This is a big fucking deal." -- Vice President Joe Biden, on the passage of the health care reform bill, 3/23/2010

"Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none." -- Jules Renard

"What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?" -- Jeph Jacques

"Hello seeker! Now don't feel alone here in the New Age, because there's a seeker born every minute." -- Firesign Theatre

"Philosophers say a great deal about what is absolutely necessary for science, and it is always, so far as one can see, rather naive, and probably wrong." -- Richard Feynman

"Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens." -- Nick Diamos

"All phone calls are obscene." -- Karen Elizabeth Gordon

"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish." -- Steven Wright

"I'm still an Atheist, thank god." -- Luis Bunuel

"Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought." -- Sir William Osler

"The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth." -- Edith Sitwell

"For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing." -- H. L. Mencken

"The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another." -- J. Frank Dobie

"Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!" -- Henry David Thoreau

"The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up." -- Scott Adams

"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver." -- Jay Leno

"A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library." -- Westheimer's Discovery

"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face." -- Dave Barry

"Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give the appearance of solidity to pure wind." -- George Orwell

"Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore." -- Ogden Nash

"Never eat more than you can lift." -- Miss Piggy

"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy." -- Bob Hope

"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done." -- Fred Allen

"For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum." -- J. W. Schopf

"I maintain there is much more wonder in science than in pseudoscience. And in addition, to whatever measure this term has any meaning, science has the additional virtue, and it is not an inconsiderable one, of being true." -- Carl Sagan

"The multitude of books is making us ignorant." -- Voltaire

"Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful." -- Kurt Vonnegut

"I believe that an orderly universe, one indifferent to human preoccupations, in which everything has an explanation even if we still have a long way to go before we find it, is a more beautiful, more wonderful place than a universe tricked out with capricious ad hoc magic." -- Richard Dawkins, Unweaving the Rainbow

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." -- Eric Hoffer

"To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody." -- Quentin Crisp

"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." -- David Russell

"People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately." -- Russell Baker

"Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit." -- Aristotle

"Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination." -- Bill Watterson

"In the fight between you and the world, back the world." -- Frank Zappa

"Sarah Palin is very pro-life of course, unless the life is that of an Iraqi civilian or a wolf running frantically from a roaring helicopter while being strafed with ribbons of automatic weapons fire." -- Seth McFarlane

"You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary." -- Dave Kellett

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle." -- Mitch Hedberg

"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid." -- John Wayne

"My libertarian friends are probably getting a little upset now but I think that's because they never appreciate the benefits of local fascism." -- Ann Coulter

"Activists for Latino and immigrant rights -- and supporters of sane governance -- held weekend rallies denouncing the new law and vowing to do everything they can to overturn it. But where was the Tea Party crowd? Isn't the whole premise of the Tea Party movement that overreaching government poses a grave threat to individual freedom? It seems to me that a law allowing individuals to be detained and interrogated on a whim -- and requiring legal residents to carry identification documents, as in a police state -- would send the Tea Partyers into apoplexy. Or is there some kind of exception if the people whose freedoms are being taken away happen to have brown skin and might speak Spanish?" -- Eugene Robinson, Washington Post

"New Rule: If the water in your river makes the male fish grow vaginas, stay thirsty my friend. 90% of Washington D.C.'s drinking water comes from the Potomac, a river so polluted with hormones it makes fish change sex. If I wanted to drink something that makes me grow a vagina, I'd order a wine cooler." -- Bill Maher

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." -- J. R. R. Tolkien

"The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"Actions lie louder than words." -- Carolyn Wells

"Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs." -- P. J. O'Rourke

"At least half the mystery novels published violate the law that the solution, once revealed, must seem to be inevitable." -- Raymond Chandler

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." -- Hunter S. Thompson

"Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated." -- George Santayana

"We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us." -- W. H. Thompson

"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death." -- James F. Byrnes

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." -- Charles M. Schulz

"It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go." -- Bertrand Russell

"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock." -- John Barrymore

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me." -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for." -- W. C. Fields

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all." -- Robert Orben

"It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race." -- Mark Twain

"I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right." -- Isaac Asimov

"On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time." -- George Orwell

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -- Matt Groening

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." -- Will Rogers

"Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge." -- Scott Adams

"Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art." -- Charles McCabe

"The future will be better tomorrow." -- Dan Quayle

"I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away." -- Oscar Levant

"I hate women because they always know where things are." -- James Thurber

"Rock and roll is the hamburger that ate the world." -- Peter York

"Love has no place in a lawyer's office." -- Elizabeth Aston

"One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." -- Luciano Pavarotti

"Government is too big and too important to be left to the politicians." -- Chester Bowles

"We are an impossibility in an impossible universe." -- Ray Bradbury

"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you." -- A. Whitney Brown

"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation." -- Judith Martin

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done." -- Andy Rooney

"Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us." -- Henrik Tikkanen

"It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea." -- Robert Anton Wilson

"It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day." -- Darby Conley

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know." -- Mark Twain

"I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side. I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts." -- Bethania

"My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle." -- Henny Youngman

"Fables should be taught as fables, myths as myths, and miracles as poetic fancies. To teach superstitions as truths is a most terrible thing. The child-mind accepts and believes them, and only through great pain and perhaps tragedy can he be in after-years relieved of them." -- Hypatia of Alexandria, Greek scholar born in 370CE, murdered by Christians in 415CE.

"Life is an unfoldment, and the further we travel the more truth we can comprehend. To understand the things that are at our door is the best preparation for understanding those that lie beyond." -- Hypatia of Alexandria (370CE - 415CE)

"All formal dogmatic religions are fallacious and must never be accepted by self-respecting persons as final." -- Hypatia of Alexandria (370CE - 415CE)

"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria (370CE - 415CE)

"I'm glad I didn't have to fight in any war. I'm glad I didn't have to pick up a gun. I'm glad I didn't get killed or kill somebody. I hope my kids enjoy the same lack of manhood." -- Tom Hanks

"Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time." -- E. B. White

"The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way." -- Samuel Butler

"Adventure is just bad planning." -- Roald Amundsen

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." -- Mark Russell

"Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form." -- Karl Marx

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." -- Oscar Wilde

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be." -- Peter De Vries

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight." -- Rita Rudner

"Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation." -- Walter Winchell

"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy." -- Robert Anthony

"Literature is news that stays news." -- Ezra Pound

"If you're not scared or angry at the thought of a human brain being controlled remotely, then it could be this prototype of mine is finally starting to work." -- John Alejandro King

"It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Free advice is worth the price." -- Robert Half

"We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." -- Voltaire

"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long." -- Ogden Nash

"Discretion is not the better part of biography." -- Lytton Strachey

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch." -- Orson Welles "It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place." -- H. L. Mencken

"The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd; indeed in view of the silliness of the majority of mankind, a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible." -- Bertrand Russell

"Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors." -- Quentin Crisp

"When you search for God, you can't go to the people who believe already. They've made up their minds and want to convince you of their own personal heresy." -- Viktor Koman, from "The Jehovah Contract"

"There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty." -- John Adams

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." -- Robert Frost

"Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation." -- Howard Scott

"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone." -- Henry David Thoreau "Let me make this utterly clear: What you see on FoxNews, what you read on Right-wing websites is the utter and complete perversion of journalism. And it can have no place in a civilized society. It is words crashed together, never to inform, only to inflame. It is a political guillotine. It is the manipulation of reality to make the racists seem benevolent, and to convict the benevolent as racists." -- Keith Olbermann

"A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs." -- Mark Twain

"Advice to writers: Sometimes you just have to stop writing. Even before you begin." -- Stanislaw J. Lec

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life." -- Immanuel Kant

"The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference." -- Richard Dawkins

"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world." -- Richard Dawkins

"What has 'theology' ever said that is of the smallest use to anybody? When has 'theology' ever said anything that is demonstrably true and is not obvious? What makes you think that 'theology' is a subject at all?" -- Richard Dawkins

"We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head." -- Dennis Miller

"You know what's interesting about Washington? It's the kind of place where second-guessing has become second nature." -- George W. Bush

"Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate." -- Mark B. Cohen

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction." -- Noelie Altito

"The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane." -- Nikola Tesla

"Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty." -- Leo Rosten

"Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation." -- James Thurber

"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork." -- Edward Abbey

"The forceps of our minds are clumsy forceps, and crush the truth a little in taking hold of it." -- H. G. Wells

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying." -- Fran Lebowitz

"Good taste is the worst vice ever invented." -- Edith Sitwell

"The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind." -- H. L. Mencken

"A fact is a simple statement that everyone believes. It is innocent, unless found guilty. A hypothesis is a novel suggestion that no one wants to believe. It is guilty, until found effective." -- Edward Teller

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." -- Tommy Cooper

"It is the function of the CIA to keep the world unstable, and to propagandize and teach the American people to hate, so we will let the Establishment spend any amount of money on arms." -- John Stockwell, former CIA official and author

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair." -- George Burns

"What if I could prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that there was no god (hypothetically that is), would you immediately run out and become a horrid murderer, content only in the pleasures of yourself? Or would you remain a basically good person? If the former, then you are a scary individual, for only your timid faith keeps you decent. If the latter, then why do you need god to tell you good?" -- Stephen F Roberts

"Even a child is bright enough to see through the god myth. What child hasn't asked 'who created god?'" -- Stephen F Roberts

"The more you learn, the harder it is to find the little holes to hide god in." --Stephen F Roberts

"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." -- Richard Dawkins

"Science doesn't make it impossible to believe in God, it just makes it possible to not believe in God." -- Steven Weinberg, physicist

"We were convinced that the people needs and requires this faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out." -- Adolph Hitler, 1933 Berlin Speech

"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." -- Judith Martin

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." -- Mark Twain

"Men of genius do not excel in any profession because they labor in it, but they labor in it because they excel." -- William Hazlitt

"If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes." -- Robert Redford

"Religious people argue that Atheists cannot prove that there is no god, therefore Atheism is a faith; It's the faith that there is no god, and we're at a standstill. Bertrand Russell annihilated this argument virtually a century ago with his famous teapot analogy. Can you prove that there isn't a china teapot in elliptical orbit around the Sun at this moment? Well, no. Is it therefore reasonable to believe in such a teapot? No. Is it reasonable to be agnostic with respect to such a teapot? No. End of argument. The burden is never upon the Atheist to prove the absence of celestial teapots." -- Sam Harris

"Christians look at the discourse of Islam, and the Muslims claim to have a book that is the perfect word of the creator of the Universe. Why do they believe this? It says so in the book. No Christian finds this compelling. And yet they refuse to notice that they are using the same rationale that every other religious person uses to prop up their dogmas." -- Sam Harris

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." -- Mitch Hedberg

"A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members." -- David Coblitz

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton

"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." -- Peter De Vries

"For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news." -- Gloria Borger

"Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug." -- John Lithgow

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." -- George Bernard Shaw

"There is no stigma attached to recognizing a bad decision in time to install a better one." -- Laurence J. Peter

"Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff

"Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk." -- Henry David Thoreau

"I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't." -- Victor Borge

"I am not attacking the particular qualities of Yahweh or Jesus, or Allah, or any other specific god, such as Baal, Zeus, or Wotan. Instead, I shall define the god hypothesis more defensibly: 'There exists a super-human, supernatural intelligence who delibertely designed and created the Universe and everything in it, including us'. This book will advocate an alternative view. Any creative intelligence of sufficient complexity to design *anything* comes into existence only as the end product of an extended process of gradual evolution. Creative intelligences, being evolved, necessarily arrive late in the Universe, and therefore cannot be responsible for designing it. God, in the sense defined, is a delusion." -- Richard Dawkins, "The God Delusion"

"He's gonna send me a plastic Jesus, there's a check in the mail today. That's what I need, somebody to love. We just won't eat on Sunday, gotta buy him a limousine. Somewhere to live, somewhere to pray. Every penny from people keeps the wolf outside the door. Shop around and find forgiveness for yourself, but he'll give you more. Holy father, holy ghost, who's the one who pays the most? Rock the cradle, don't you cry, buy another lullaby. Jack is nimble, Jack is quick. Pick your pockets, turn a trick. Slow and steady, he's got time to commit another T.V. crime." -- Ronnie James Dio, from the Black Sabbath song "T.V. Crimes"

"There ought to be one day... just one... when there is open season on senators." -- Will Rogers

"The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy." -- Alfred North Whitehead

"If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" -- Abraham Lincoln

"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." -- Frank Leahy

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"Forget Jesus! Stars died so we all could exist!" -- Lawrence Krauss, astrophysicist

"Nihilism is best done by professionals." -- Iggy Pop

"In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying." -- Bertrand Russell

"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." -- Oscar Wilde

"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." -- Mark Twain

"Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories." -- Arthur C. Clarke

"I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day." -- Douglas Adams

"Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box." -- Italian Proverb

"To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent." -- Robert Copeland

"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward." -- Lewis Carroll

"No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded." -- Yogi Berra

"The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps." -- Benjamin Disraeli

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Science makes god unnecessary." -- Stephen Hawking

"Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything." -- Floyd Dell

"Facts are stupid things." -- Ronald Reagan

"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"There it was, hidden in alphabetical order." -- Rita Holt

"Isn't it a remarkable coincedence almost everyone has the same religion as their parents? And it always just happnes to be the right religion. Religions run in families. If we'd been brought up in ancient Greece, we'd all be worshiping Zeus and Apollo. If we'd been born Vikings, we'd be worshiping Wotan and Thor. How does this come about? Through childhood indoctrination. No wonder religions run in families. One by one, the ancient belief systems have vanished from the face of the Earth, and we seem to get on just fine without them. Zeus with his thunderbolt, Apollo, Wotan, Thor with his hammer, Bael, Mithras, Amon-Ra... all were once worshiped as gods. People believed in them, prayed to them, sacrificed to them. Lots of people. Children were brought up with them, told of their existence as a matter of undoubted fact. But nowadays, everybody agrees that no matter how sincere those believers undoubtedly were, they were deluded. Every one of those gods was a delusion, and so were countless other gods that human tribes have sincerely believed in all around the world. Some of us just go one god further." -- Richard Dawkins, ASU Beyond Center lecture, 3/6/2008

"There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it." -- Bertrand Russell

"It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours." -- Harry S Truman

"I went out there, and I worked 10 hours in the fields. And I had to stop because my doctors told me I had developed a condition known as a blister." -- Stephen Colbert

"Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before." -- Edith Wharton

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men." -- Joseph Conrad

"Blame someone else and get on with your life." -- Alan Woods

"The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived." -- Oscar Wilde

"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it." -- Mark Twain

"Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense." -- Gertrude Stein

"It takes too much energy to be against something unless it's really important." -- Madeleine L'Engle

"Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had." -- Michael Crichton

"Organizing atheists is a bit like herding cats; They are on the whole too intelligent and independent minded to lend themselves to being herded." -- Richard Dawkins

"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends." -- Herbert Hoover

"Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier." -- Blore's Razor

"We must, however, acknowledge... that man with all his noble qualities, with sympathy which feels for the most debased, with benevolence which extends not only to other men but to the humblest living creature, with his god-like intellect which has penetrated into the movements and constitution of the solar system — with all these exalted powers — Man still bears in his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origin." -- Charles Darwin

"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves." -- Dorothy Parker

"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them." -- Ian Fleming

"There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening." -- Marshall McLuhan

"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread." -- Anatole France

"It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability." -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit." -- Richard Pryor

"Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art." -- Tom Stoppard

"I never teach my pupils. I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn." -- Albert Einstein

"Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done." -- Ernie Kovacs

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." -- Jerry Seinfeld

"If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read 'President Can't Swim'." -- Lyndon B. Johnson

"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter." -- William Ralph Inge

"A people birthed in sorrow will die in sorrow." -- Vasudan proverb

"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority." -- Thomas H. Huxley

"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen." -- Ambrose Bierce

"Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does." -- Evan Esar

"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." -- Doug Larson

"Exit, pursued by a bear." -- William Shakespeare

"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible." -- Albert Einstein

"Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right." -- Laurens Van der Post

"If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Marcus Bridgstocke

"From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." -- Sir Winston Churchill

"Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some." -- Jose Marti

"Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him." -- John Barrymore

"The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking." -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it." -- Ogden Nash

"If you believe everything you read, better not read." -- Japanese Proverb

"Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care." -- William Safire

"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence." -- Christopher Hitchens

"Illusion is the first of all pleasures." -- Oscar Wilde

"A girl phoned me the other day and said 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home." -- Rodney Dangerfield

"It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people." -- Logan Pearsall Smith

"It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated." -- Alec Bourne

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult." -- Charlotte Whitton

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires." -- Dorothy Parker

"I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap." -- Bob Hope

"You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public." -- Scott Adams

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers." -- T. S. Eliot

"The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past." -- William Faulkner

"There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves." -- Albert Guinon

"He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed." -- Saki

"What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?" -- Henry David Thoreau

"The most important scientific revolutions all include, as their only common feature, the dethronement of human arrogance from one pedestal after another of previous convictions about our centrality in the cosmos." -- Stephen Jay Gould

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." -- Oscar Wilde

"In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man." -- Alfred Hitchcock

"I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from." -- Eddie Izzard

"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you." -- Fran Lebowitz

"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." -- Robert Orben

"Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?" -- George Wallace

"Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet." -- Dave Barry

"I could prove God statistically." -- George Gallup

* * * * * Last updated: Tue 12/21/2010 8:32:27 AM * * * * *